multiplicity_archives | Entries tagged with coming out vs staying closeted

rabbitsystem.livejournal.com

I've noticed that many multiples keep their journals entirely friends-locked. Why? Is it avoiding trolls or a liking for privacy or what? I don't mean people shouldn't lock their journals, I just want to know...why?

-Ellen

rabbitsystem.livejournal.com

We hate lying to people. We hate lying to them all every time we answer to our name, every time we say 'I'. We hate hiding something so big that it's as if we didn't tell them we were extraterrestrials.

And we are horribly afraid of telling them that we are multiple.

For those who have come out to their friends: is it worth it?

katullus.livejournal.com

I'm so damn tired of people backing away slowly when they find out what really goes on in here. I'd really just like to hang with a group of people who understand me for once- I speak for myself, of course, on that matter. Not everyone in here really cares. But I, being the chatty, between high school and college, isolated teen that I am, would really like to actually see someone in person who really understands me. People keep finding out in the worst ways possible that there's more than one of us in here, and I've lost more friends that way than I've kept. I've had the weirdest people in my school say to my face that I'm too weird for them to handle. Do you know what that does to me? And then they just walk away and leave me. I'm not asking anyone to handle me, okay? Just accept me! But somehow, when people find out I'm "not really human" but instead this... THING, this monster, I suddenly don't have feelings anymore so they can say or do whatever they want to me without worrying about hurting me. That's bullcrap. That's being at the forefront of the frontiering line of persecutionin this century, that's being black or a woman or gay, and that's impossible without a little backup!

*sigh*

I'm done ranting. Got a little carried away there. No wonder nobody wants to be my friend. So, back to the point of the post, are there any multiples in California who would like to do some sort of a conventiony thing this summer? I don't know what we'd be achieving aside from just creating a support group and forming bonds with the only people we can even come close to trusting anymore, but I'd say that's a decent and worthy reason.

Current Mood: rejected

stealthdragon.livejournal.com

The professor introduced DID with a case study of the only multiple system she'd ever worked with, and commented that we're "as rare as hens' teeth". She described stuff with the classic textbook trauma framework, integration, etc. She only got about halfway through, since she ran out of time. She's got a habit of that, since she's enthusiastic about psychology as a whole.

So after class, I wrote her an e-mail: ( Text in here. )

A few hours later I got an e-mail (timestamped at the end of her office hours) that read "Too cool!!!!!!"

I do think I've managed to expand someones' horizons today. :)

stealthdragon.livejournal.com

We're in the slow process of merging our online identity which is known to be plural, with the one that isn't. The first step was last year, when we came out to the inner circle of friends. That part was fairly well-recieved. Now, we're thinking about moving the knowledge boundary out to our not-so-close friends, and the general online population. It's an easier decision, in many ways, because we maintain separation between our online and offline lives. The question is how to do so. What suggestions do you have for coming out to people when you don't have a good idea of how they'll respond?

20splinters.livejournal.com

Uh, there are 21 members in here that I know of.

Bleah. Trying to explain the multiplicity thing to the roommate last night. He asked that question and wanted to know who the "main" is. Uh, don't have one. There's a tendency for 1 or 2 of us to be the main ones fronting over a long time span, but there's a regular "changing of the guard." The last few days there's been a lot of co-presencing and rapid switching back and forth, so I guess we have been more confusing to people outside than usual. We've been just not mentioning when we switch and letting the roommate experience us without knowing, but that can lead to awkward situations.

He and Shel are lovers, but I feel only friendship. But I'm social and like physical contact, so he gets the wrong idea sometimes if I hug him. And Wish, Wish just tries to avoid contact or conversation because he knows that people react badly when they find out they're dealing with a gay elf boy in a female body. Guess I shouldn't tell the roommate that he kissed Wish. I think that's kind of funny even though Wish is embarrassed.

I'm not quite sure how to explain to the roommate better, and it needs to be done. He's a decent guy in every other way, and if some of us weren't here he and Shel would be really great together, but he just seems completely close-minded to anything but the standard psychological explanation of multiples. Any ideas?

Gab, with some co-presencing by Wish and Janna

Current Mood: restless

20splinters.livejournal.com

A long time ago in a living room with 3 beat up but comfy couches and a coffee table scattered with dice, character sheets, pencils, and various wrappers from "geek cuisine," the solitary female in the room, and the gaming group for that matter, revealed that she had multiple personalities. While there was some initial nervousness, gamer geeks are a bit more open minded than the average person, and they quickly accepted this and went on with the gaming session. Now one of the guys could get a ride to gaming group, but not back home since this group frequently played until 2 am or later. The girl usually gave him rides home, and did so this night. He also had another member of the group staying at his house that night and didn't seem very conversational on that car ride, but as he got out of the car, he turned, looked the girl in the eyes, and said, "Got a bombshell for you," and walked away. About 10 secs down the road, the girl froze as she realized... he's one too! As time went on, it was also revealed that a former member of the gaming group was dating a girl who was multiple, and a while after that, one of the other guys in the group discovered that he was multiple too, and there is to this day high suspicion of one other former member.

So the question must be asked: Is there an unusually high incidence of multiplicity among role-players, or did I just happen into rare fluke of a group?

On an unrelated note, ( Read more... )

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: see full entry

crystalseraph.livejournal.com

Today was bloody awful. A lot of stuff happened: I could use a shoulder (or #>, depending on the system) to cry on. It's long, and complicated. For those not following my journal or previous posts, we have 5 system members, 4 of them only recently unrepressed, and having been in the tumultuous process of learning to cope with the changes while being true to myself.

( Breaking off engagement, and other things )

Current Mood: scared
Current Music: Mirror System - Hilal

memorysdaughter.livejournal.com

I am new, though I've been watching the community for awhile. I'm 19, diagnosed with everything under the sun and a few things that aren't. I'm a part-time student and part-time toy store employee, although I have a full-time job as PR/writer/blogger/etc. for a camp for visually impaired kids. I love "Firefly" and cupcakes and my guinea pig... and I always refer to myself as "I," except for the random times when I use "we" (though my friend Jason always asks if I have a mouse in my pocket when I do so).

I am wondering if anyone else here refers to themselves as "I," or is the sole external voice. Also, I am wondering how you tell people that you are a multiple, and how it effects your interpersonal relationships (specifically those with your significant other). And if you have any advice for dealing with everyday life (or how you make it easier), that's always appreeciated too.

And I'm always looking for people to talk with.

- Sarah-Beth + Serafina, Kataryne, Boris, Harriet, Jamie, Ivy, Maggie, Elisabeth, Aaron/Nathan, Tobias and the other twin

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: "Medium" on TV

rabbitsystem.livejournal.com

To a very good friend of ours, but unfortunately msn has now gone wonky on us and won't sign in.

He seems to be taking it rather well - he's accepted the concept of *us*, and was asking how we realised we were several when the connection went. It apparently was not the strangest thing he could have expected from us - don't know whether to be flattered or insulted by that!

I just wanted to tell you all that we've done it :) There is now someone who knows us in RL and knows we are an us.

Has anyone else had a "Oh...truly? Alright then." reaction to telling people?

teh-kerry.livejournal.com

Because of other issues, Kerry sees a counsellor-type-person every so often, at a local NHS run mental health clinic (it's run by CAMHS, the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, in case anyone's suffered at their hands before). She hasn't mentioned us or given the person she sees any idea that she's multiple, and we're wondering if maybe we should tell them. ( Read on... )

Does anyone have any ideas on whether we should tell them or not? The appointment with them's on Tuesday, and if we do choose to tell them that we're multiple, we'll make sure to post on Tuesday evening and tell you all how it got on. :)

( How it went )

Thanks for all your advice and support everyone, it was really nice to know that so many people were interested in our issues...

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Location: Yorkshire, UK
Current Music: John Martyn

rabbitsystem.livejournal.com

There's a man who is a very dear friend to us, and we really want to tell him about us. But it seems to us to be a bad idea to do so because he might tell others. That doesn't strike us as likely, especialy if we ask him not to, and in a few days we're probably going to give in and tell him, because we hate lying and especially to people close to us.
Any advice regarding if/how we should do it? We communicate only by instant messenger.

Current Mood: nervous

freakshownia.livejournal.com

Today in my abnormal psych class we went over dissociative disorders with a focus on DID. My professor used to work as a clinical psychologist for 20-some years, and to support the idea that multiples are extremely rare he mentioned that he had never met one in his entire career.

So I'm wondering... should we prove him wrong? It was so tempting to just jump up in class and be like, "Not true! You know ONE multiple!" but of course I didn't. I was thinking of going about it in a more discreet way, perhaps asking him if he'd like to meet a multiple. Hmm.

Any suggestions?

Also in class we were going to watch the video "Mind of a Murderer" about a serial killer who tried to get off on insanity by saying he was a multiple. The tape didn't work so we didn't watch it, but it annoyed me that of all views of MPD/DID to see in a video it'd be THAT one. Of course this guy was proved to have been making it all up to get out of jail so he wasn't actually a multiple, but still. Discussing multiplicity in the context of murder doesn't lead to positive opinions =/ (Although my professor clearly understood that one has nothing to do with the other and the tape was to show how it could be faked, who knows what the other students picked up from that.)

mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com

So, yeah, I'm at my (er, our) grandma's house for Thanksgiving. The computer I'm on is in the same room where Dad is sleeping, and it's lucky he's a sound sleeper, because he has no idea I exist.

I've been becoming more and more "present" in the world. Last Sunday I actually came out and participated in a conversation face-to-face, for the first time ever. One of the people there didn't know we were multiple, the other did. (Well, his two headmates do, too, to the extent they were there.) Talking is surprisingly easy, when it's something you care about. I'm trying to work my way up to things like introducing myself to Rob's friends - the physicists as well as the more accepting geeks and psychics.

And now I find myself with my family - and I do consider them to be my family; I take my brotherhood with Rob seriously, and I love our relatives, too. But the moment I saw them I found myself all the way back and hiding, like I'm thirteen again. I'm not ready to tell any of them yet, I don't even have any idea whether I'll ever be able to. Just fronting in my grandmother's house has my heart pounding, and while it's novel to actually feel it, I really hate the fear. And I hate taking time off my personal growth for a holiday, it feels like backsliding.

Has anyone come out to parents or siblings? Does it ever go well? How does it go wrong? And, for anyone who's had to teach themselves to front and interact with outsiders, how did you handle getting in situations in the middle where you had to be closeted?

Anyway, I'm off to clear my grandmother's internet history...

Johnny

Current Mood: nervous

stealthdragon.livejournal.com

Situation:
My boyfriend, S, is British. I'm in the U.S., so our main line of communication is instant messenger type services. S seems to have trouble wrapping his mind around the idea that we're seperate entities. A few days ago, Es happened to be in control of the body, and introduced herself. S is now rather weirded out about the whole thing.

Questions:
Do any of you have suggestions on how we might go about getting him used to the idea that I come as a 'package deal'? (Note that anyone but me finds it very difficult to front in S' presence. I expect that to change as we get used to being around him in-person.)

It'll be somewhere down the line, that we have to figure out how to explain that I'm the only one who percieves themself to have an existing relationship to him. So far as my brainmates are concerned, he's a random stranger that I'm very fond of. Stealth relationship-building is difficult, so if anyone has suggestions about that, I'd appreciate them as well.

Cheers,
- Kat

angel530.livejournal.com

Ok, Im using this icon and not signing this because, for those of you that know us, I dont want your comments to be affected by whose asking.

Weve been with our housemates at uni for a while now. Weve spoken to them about a problem were having with the health check we need they know the problems weve had with it and that its because of a few other diagnoses and they were fine with it and really supportive. The only thing they dont know is that were multiple but with the way they reacted about the other problems and the fact that were thinking of getting next years house together, were thinking of telling them. The only thing thats stopping us is wondering whether or not theyll react differently to this.

If they were only housemates it wouldnt be such a problem, but theyre good friends! We spend 90% of the time together, we socialise together, we go out together etc etc.

Plus were getting tired of having to hide it in our home. Any ideas on how to come out to them without almost asking for a bad reaction? Or even whether or not we should!! (and we have read the info in the memories)

redrainstorm.livejournal.com

I went into therapy very vague today, telling her "there's so much about me that you don't know about, and it's so important to understand who I am, but I don't know how to talk about it". I got so nervous I went into a panic attack pretty much. She put on soft music, and let me sit in a comfy chair to relax and do some deep breathing. I finally just broke down. So, I told my new counselor today that I'm multiple and there are close to 50 members that are near the front... with only about 5 being regularly switching out right now. She took it well... She had a friend that was multiple with 3 or 4 personalities... She's also very against integration unless the client sees it as somehow beneficial...
I just worry because I feel like... she sees them as just other parts of me... just pieces of personality... I emphasized many times how we're separate people and not just a split off of me (the one with the name on the birth certificate). How can I make this absolutely clear to her so that we're not going in 15 sessions later with her believing that those I am with are simply just me providing a "role" or an emotion?

rhymer-713.livejournal.com

Every one in this community, or almost every one I'm sure has told some one they were multiple. And I'm sure the responses varied greatly between people... And I'm sure some of you have gotten shunned by these friends.
( But which is worse? )

Current Mood: Disgruntled
Current Location: Home
Current Music: Sound Of Silence

terendel.livejournal.com

Richard here. I know I'm not the only one who's experienced this, but I guess I need to hear that. I hardly ever front. The first time I ever fronted, the person I "met" wanted to integrate me, effectively killing me. My mindmate never associated with that person again. Well, fronting and interacting with others hasn't exactly been easy after that. We've made a couple of friends who now know about me, and I'm testing the waters with email and the like. Well, I don't do it that often, and I sometimes say the wrong thing. I get teased about it, and I just don't deal well with that.

Any other infrequent fronters have the same experience? I got teased today. It was harmless. I know that. But it still hurt, and right now I feel like pulling back inside and never coming out again.

Current Mood: depressed

shandra.livejournal.com

This weekend I got an email from a mother of a teenager who has just come out to her as multiple. The mother asked me what advice I could give her in how to relate to her daughter. I said I would compile a list from other people for her so if any of you are willing, what ONE piece of advice or thing would you tell her? Mine is...

( under the cut )

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Multiplicity

Being Plural

Entries tagged with coming out vs staying closeted

(no subject)

Is it worth it?

California Multiples?

Today was "dissociative disorders" day in our abnormal psych. class..

(no subject)

Can I ask you a single question without getting 20 different answers?

can of worms,check, can opener, check...

Trial by Fire, hooray

Newbie and Questions

We just came out.

Should we tell about our multiple-ness?

Coming out

(no subject)

Thanksgiving in the Back Seat

(no subject)

X-posted to our journal

(no subject)

A Thought on Friends

Interacting With Others

Advice to parent of multiple

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March 2013

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