Newbie and Questions

[memorysdaughter.livejournal.com]

I am new, though I've been watching the community for awhile. I'm 19, diagnosed with everything under the sun and a few things that aren't. I'm a part-time student and part-time toy store employee, although I have a full-time job as PR/writer/blogger/etc. for a camp for visually impaired kids. I love "Firefly" and cupcakes and my guinea pig... and I always refer to myself as "I," except for the random times when I use "we" (though my friend Jason always asks if I have a mouse in my pocket when I do so).

I am wondering if anyone else here refers to themselves as "I," or is the sole external voice. Also, I am wondering how you tell people that you are a multiple, and how it effects your interpersonal relationships (specifically those with your significant other). And if you have any advice for dealing with everyday life (or how you make it easier), that's always appreeciated too.

And I'm always looking for people to talk with.

- Sarah-Beth + Serafina, Kataryne, Boris, Harriet, Jamie, Ivy, Maggie, Elisabeth, Aaron/Nathan, Tobias and the other twin

Comments

[liliana-warsaw.livejournal.com]

We're I everywhere but online. It's just easier that way. Sometimes we slip, though.

[enchanting-ella.livejournal.com]

drew tries to use I, but i don't mind the referal to himself as we, it is part of who he is. He told me right out before i met him and became friends or even dated. The fact i know when he changes and who he is and identify and relate to them all helped his confidance i think, His wife ignored the others for 14 years and forbade the female personas fom ever coming to bed etc.
The children don't notice, like most people, people are not very perceptive as a rule so his being right or left handed depending on who he is, the way he walks, his change in gramma and speech, too many people miss it.
I think be true to yourself and some people will handle it and some wont, ut if you are true to you then you have lost nothing.

[kyouketsusha.livejournal.com]

I normally use I, but lately since I started hanging out with other multis/soulbonders/whatevertheycallthemselves I've started using 'we' more often, too.

It's always 'I' in meatspace, though.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

people here use "I" at work.. or places people don't know we're plural

as far as telling people, we just usually come right out and say it. We told the man that has become our husband on the first date.. and we've been with him for over 13 years now.. There have been ups and downs.. it's several different relationships.. but so far it's gone ok..

we have several close friends who know also.. and most of our community knows.. and most of that has worked out

dealing with everyday life.. write/journal/dayplanner.. supportive friends..

and you're welcome to talk to us on yahoo or aim.. names listed on previous entry

[linnai.livejournal.com]

Most often it's we, for us. No one has ever really challenged us on that, and so we frequently use it instead of the singular I.

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

I am an I as much as I am a we, so I use I a lot. I use we sometimes too. Depends on what I'm talking about!

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

we use we mostly, but do use I to either refer to who's fronting, or just in general, sometimes we forget and use I.

as for telling people, the line we've used, to popular reception is: "Hey, my name's [insert packmate here], it changes frequently."

usually that gets a questioning response, and we explain. We're very open about our multiplicity, but we also try and let all 10 of us live our seperate lives, and have equal time fronting(don't get me wrong, sometimes it's difficult, but basically we've worked it out).

Rick's married outside the system, to a singlemind, and also has a girlfriend/submissive who's singlemind. Wolf has a boyfriend, in another system, and Myself and Tara have both had significant others outside, although we're also married and collared inside.

as for dealing with everyday life, we just try to muck along, letting each of us do what we do...some of us front more than others, we call them "the senior staff" and they're the ones you'll hear from most, but the others do emerge...Griaan is deaf(they're twins, and referred to by the one name, and in single tense, but use the "they" pronoun), but does write and post on livejournal, usually from someone else's journal, as they've yet to express an interest in one of their own. Kali's blind, and so doesn't usually respond on here, but does listen when Tara(her spirit-twin) reads posts of interest to her, and will respond through Tara. We all just kind of live, we're not really sure if we've ever NOT just...sort of done it.

Faith
Pack Collective

btw, welcome, and you can learn about us here (http://rickmacleod.bravehost.com/packcollective.html)

btw1: we LOVE firefly/serenity, and everything else Joss does.

[memorysdaughter.livejournal.com]

I love Firefly too! It's one of my absolute favorites, but I admire most of everything Joss does.

[shadowechoes.livejournal.com]

I always refer to myself as I. However if I'm talking about me and my friends as a group, or if I'm talking about me and my headmates as a group, I use we. Same goes for everyone else in here. Just because we're part of a system doesn't make us the borg - we're still all individuals in this collective.

As far as telling people, we usually don't. Been burned too many times. And interpersonal relationships - our husband knows we're multiple (has known before any of us ever started dating him). He took it really well. He treats us all like individuals and all that good stuff. But he's special, and may be an exception. I don't know.

Dealing with everyday life? Well there's a hard one. Our state of multipicity has nothing to do with being able to deal with life or not. For us it's everything else that makes life hard to deal with. Being in a system actually makes things easier, cause at least we have eachother.

[freakshownia.livejournal.com]

I use "I" when I'm only referring to myself, and "we" when I'm referring to the group.

~Sati

[freakshownia.livejournal.com]

I also love Firefly!

[memorysdaughter.livejournal.com]

Firefly is one of the things that gets me through all the tough spots.

And I loved the pictures of the bracelets you made. How pretty!

[annabellelaw.livejournal.com]

Hi!
Big firefly love here too!

[lion-azure.livejournal.com]

I ususally refer to myself as "I", and so do the others, except when we're talking about us as a system (boy I hope that made sense *g*).

We're mostly median/midcontinuum, so yeah, 90% of the time it's me - being the host, first person in this body - doing the talking, even if the others are inputting. It's quite rare that they interact with the outside world directly, at least offline, since we're not out about being plural. Most people already think I'm a bit weird, and I'm afraid that would be the final straw *sigh*. But we manage quite nicely.

- Fireez

[kalli-moon.livejournal.com]

I say I when I'm talking about myself. I say Little Kal when I'm talking about Little Kal. I say they when I'm talking about the rest of them in Kasiya. Some times I say we but not all that much.

Almost always

[worldnamer.livejournal.com]

I before we, except after he. ;)

[yellowsub723.livejournal.com]

All of my close friends and some of my professional contacts know that I have many parts. Generally, when a part is fully front, such as me fright now since I'm at work, there is singular pronoun usage. However, when I am referring to an activity or a place we all visited together or shared body time, I would use plural pronouns, for example 'two weeks ago we went to sesame street live...it was mostly all of the little friends and kody' or 'we're all going to the yurt to play music after therapist sean leaves work on saturday'

It is really difficult for me to come out, although most of the responses have been positive. I think people realize intuitively that I am a very complex and multifaceted individual. I also identify as trans, and so I am used to navigating intimate disclosure issues.

In terms of my significant others, there are a few people I've dated who may not identify as multiple, but who have aspects of themselves that match well with my parts. For example, a just broke up with a person who was very spiritual and musical (a good match for kody, michelle, sky) who was a very boyish lesbian (which worked for both my queer girl and boi parts). She was also very playful and I often made time for the little friends to just sit around and eat ice cream and color together. My main rule is that none of my significant others can become caretaker objects for the younger parts. That would be a huge relational problem.

[nat-leia.livejournal.com]

Shinji: We have several same-time relationships in inner worlds, other worlds and this realm's Outside, and it seems to work. I hope you can get this fine for you :) We're usually open about being people living in plural setting, yet to singletons that do not know we just look as quirky person, they are accepting.

Kaiya: Welcome to community. I am also nineteen and Firefly liker, yet noone bonded anyone of Firefly, what a pity LOL.

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

Main girl's really quiet, and often talks about stuff one of us have done, so she says 'we' in case she slips and talks about somebody else, doesn't want to say 'I' in case it confuses people who know. The rest of us pretty much say 'I' all the time. Varies. Depends if the person knows really.

Pretty much everybody we know right now has always known. People in the 'real world', usually people they aren't close to so they don't get told anything. Just random people you know? The guy has known since the first extra person in her head, he was there for her wondering if it was all faked up. It's kinda weird but it works okay. Everyday we've never had any real problems, just making time for everyone and trying to get everybody out (inc me. I tend to just sit around and it bugs the girls 'cause I should have social contact or something)

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Hiya! Okay. Let's see. With our SO we just out flat said, "We're a multiple" and he accepted it and accepted us as we are. He's not a multiple but he's some where on the spectrum. Secondly, we refer to ourselves as I when we're in public and if some one is referring to themselves. Also, we like cupcakes and guinea pigs and we're a visually impaired system...Or well the body is anyway...So...Hi. We're glad to meet you.
L. of Rhymershouse

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately we've never even heard of Firefly except to know that it's scifi. Where do you find it?

[memorysdaughter.livejournal.com]

It's on DVD set now, and I've heard that you can download episodes someplace. Plus there's a movie, "Serenity." I bought mine at Borders, but I guess they sell them everywhere.

[forever-alone.livejournal.com]

Typically I use "I" in reference to myself and V1, who am I partially-but-not-completely merged with. It gets very confusing trying to explain that to people, so using "I" makes it much more simple. When I'm talking about our system as a whole I use "we." I'm pretty much always fronting, so I tend to speak for most of us when the time calls for it, even when I shouldn't... :]

Depending on the person, I either tell them I'm multiple flat out (if I think they will take it well) or I will drop hints. I think I told my boyfriend before we were together, although I don't think he really understood/fully believed me, but now that we've been together so long it's caused some problems. Sometimes I think he feels like he's only involved with part of a person or something. The others have stopped interacting with him almost entirely because it's uncomfortable for everyone involved. I don't really know how to make the situation better though, it's just one of those tough situations...

As for everyday life, managing day to day is one of the things I'm worst at, so I can't really give any advice there. Blah...


V2

[artemisfowl2nd.livejournal.com]

I tend to use both. I for when I'm speaking only of myself and we when speaking of, say, the body in general.
"Our jaw hurts," for instance.

As for telling people about it. I let it slip when ranting about something or other to my two real-life friends. After that one of them sort of dismissed the whole thing, and the other was curious and asks us questions regularly. It's nice to have a group in which any of us can front, now.

But a tip: Don't tell your easily-freaked-out-friend that one of the people that resides in your body is an ex-sociopath, particularly a famous one, or they will become paranoid that the person in question will hunt them down and kill them.

[hydra-system.livejournal.com]

I refer to myself as I and I am also the sole external voice, though others will influence what I say and do. This journal is the only place where plural pronouns are used. I also use plural pronouns when talking about one or more members of the system, including myself. Again, only on-line.

I've only had one very, very bad experience with telling a peer that I am multiple and a few bad psychologist experiences. Also, my mother doesn't believe me. Most of the people I have told, however, have taken it pretty well. Back in high school, before I knew about multiplicity, I told my friends about the others who lived in my body with me. Currently I am 'out' to four of my friends and my current psychiatrist, all of whom are rather accepting.

As for dealing with every day life, we're still working on that ;)

Nice to meet you!

[xpieces-of-usx.livejournal.com]

we use I if one of us is out, we if we're referring to ourselves as a group, or are co-fronting.

everyday life? most people know we're multiple, although our friend have never met any of us except online. that might get a little dodgy IRL.

[bound-innle.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm by no means the sole external voice, but as a rule the person speaking will use I. I've slipped up and used "we" a few times... that was how my best friend found out, actually. With others... well, there isn't a significant other anymore. It was an unhealthy relationship, and it took two of the others in here pointing that out for me to break it off. Friends, though... they've been really quite supportive.

As to dealing with everyday life... live like anyone else. You're a person same as the rest of the world, just with a few others present. I'm not sure what you mean by "make it easier," are you asking how to deal with interpersonal relationships complicated by coming out as a multiple? I just let things cool down for a little while before talking to the people again.

And there's always the option suggested in my icon, though I'd not suggest that seriously EVER.

Pleased to meet you,

Jane (one of four... and we're not a conventional system, really.)

[memorysdaughter.livejournal.com]

"Everyday life" I mean just like... do you lay out your clothes at night?, etc. I have a bunch of issues with order and getting through the daily routine, and I don't know a lot of other mentally ill people, so it's hard for me to judge what's normal and what's not.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

People who have not been diagnosed with mental disorders may have trouble with the "daily routine" for other reasons. If you've been told that laying out your clothes at night is a symptom of mental illness, the person who told you that needs their head examined. We did that all the way through school to save time getting dressed in the morning. It had nothing to do with our being multiple. (What we chose to wear sometimes did, but that's a completely different thing.)

Everyone, singlet and multiple, has different methods for accomplishing tasks of daily living. Do what works for you -- make lists, have an alarm watch, keep calendars, use stickies, use reminder software (http://www.zhornsoftware.co.uk/), write on your hand if you have to.

[memorysdaughter.livejournal.com]

Oh, I didn't mean that laying your clothes out at night was a sign of mental illness. I just wondered if anyone had tips like that, or if they had anything special in their routine that helped them.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Ah! Okay... Besides all of the above recommendations: try this site, http://www.onlineorganizing.com (Especially this piece on do-lists (http://www.onlineorganizing.com/ExpertAdviceToolboxTips.asp?tipsheet=17) -- for a lot of people, dolists are the most important part of organizing things.)

In paralegal classes, Andy got the idea of using a "tickler". http://wiki.tcl.tk/13200. There is a program to do the same thing on your computer, although it costs something: http://myticklerfile.com/

One of the best things for us has been http://www.zhornsoftware.co.uk/ Especially "Stickies".

Besides "stickies", several wall calendars throughout the house and writing appointments on them, several working clocks (and a pocket watch), and one of those day-planner things (http://day-planner.daytimer.com/Planner-Pages/Journal/Flavia-2-Page-Per-Week-Wirebound-Journal/0/False/09602). Getting enough sleep is important. Another good thing to have is one of those racks on the wall by the door for outgoing mail. or a plastic basket near the door with outgoing stuff in it.

Useful stuff can be found at:
http://www.organizes-it.com/
http://www.harrietcarter.com/

[inner-clique.livejournal.com]

how do you find such cool places??

*LiSa*

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=multiplicity&keyword=coming+out&filter=all

[blindgod.livejournal.com]

Hi guys *waves* nice to meet you all.
I'd recommend telling your significant other or anyone that is when you completely trust them. Most people won't understand. I do not have any alters so I'm not in your shoes. However I'm on the other end, and the whole thing still baffles me!! Your gonna run into people who don't except you, or will not believe you, so should be someone you trust. Be ready for any type of reaction. He speaking of your boyfriend may just say "ok" cuz he don't understand the whole of it. He may be scared, withdrawn if he meets them, or poke fun of it. There's a million things one may do. Hmm! Remember not to be angry if he doesn't display the emotion you wish. Its a hard pill to swallow. However, it can be swallowed with the right lubrication. Smile and P.S. Do you mind if I add you?? As a Friend?? Peace! Blindgod!!

[ex-memepr0g.livejournal.com]

Hi!

I refer to myself personally as 'I', obviously, and I also use the 'I' pronoun when one is unaware of our plurality or does not know about it. If they do know about it, then we use 'we'. I tend to prefer 'we' subconsciously for ourselves when referring to the group, and I have always had a 'problem' with use of the 'we' pronoun in things like forum posts. *sigh*

[ex-memepr0g.livejournal.com]

Whoops, forgot to sign my post. I'm Luke, of the Fen Group.