Is it worth it?

[rabbitsystem.livejournal.com]

We hate lying to people. We hate lying to them all every time we answer to our name, every time we say 'I'. We hate hiding something so big that it's as if we didn't tell them we were extraterrestrials.

And we are horribly afraid of telling them that we are multiple.

For those who have come out to their friends: is it worth it?

Comments

[20splinters.livejournal.com]

Coming out to friends was very worth it for us! The few friends we did lose or who are now uncomfortable around because of the multiples, we just kind of figure out quite the kind of friends we needed anyway.

Most of our friends though just kind of thought about it for a little while and said, "Oh, that explains a few things!"

So, you know, pick and choose carefully who you tell first, be prepared for some disbelief and a lot of questions once they start acceptign it, and unfortunately, do expect some rejection. But in general, it does make life easier once people accept what you are! (What all of you are!)

Joey

[crystalseraph.livejournal.com]

Well, all but one of our friends knows now, and we haven't suffered greatly for it. A few of them are in contact with Tahl, and at least one regularly asks after 'us' instead of just Seraph. A few days ago, my mum made a happy slip and referred to Tahl as her son-in-law: ironic, but also very bolstering. It really depends on your friends. Broach the topic gently, suggest that it's something you've read about and are interested in, and see what they know. Some people need a bit of educational priming before they are ready, or it can be a huge shock.

On the negative, some of my friends refuse to talk about it further, or act as if Tahl isn't there, or as if he is my 'imaginary friend' and therefore doesn't have to be addressed. The worst outcome was losing my fiance, but that has worked out for the best, in all our opinions. I think it was happening anyway.

[ex-casteylan314.livejournal.com]

Pick and choose your friends carefully. We haven't told most of them, and probably won't, ever for some. But the ones we have chosen, the results have been positive (and sometimes have been more like "Oh, yeah, it's like that for me too!"). Choose your words carefully, and you'll be fine.

[scarol.livejournal.com]

We have "come out" about it as some might say, and we found it a huge relief. Don't be afraid to tell people. Sure, some people might reject the thought of it at first. But they'll come around if they are true friends. ^.^

[dizzylove.livejournal.com]

Our advice would be to approach the subject of plurality on a person-by-person basis; you're not going to be able to tell everyone you know if you still want everyone you know to hang around. We've come out fitfully to just four friends, one of whom is a counselor at school. Our parents don't yet know, but we've revealed ourself to be bisexual and genderqueer to them without too much incident. Right now just isn't the right time to talk about plurality with them. :3

For the most part, we didn't just sit down and tell our friends about our plurality. It kind of came up because of this or that situation we had gotten ourself into and needed to explain. You should certainly do what makes y'all feel the most comfortable. Just expect the reactions y'all receive to be varied. For us, coming out about our plurality has been nothing but a good thing, and it has made us feel more confident in sticking up for each other's decisions.

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

None of our friends really blinked an eye. Our old partner who is a psychiatrist gave
us the bullshit - you have to integrate talk. Finally we won the argument or she stopped
arguing her side. It was so funny when we told her daughter in front of her. Her daughter
said - yeah - me too ;-)

A couple of people at work even knew or figured it out but they have left for better jobs.

We say 'we' when we mean 'we' and i when whichever 'i' means 'i'.

--- Miri of Mtribe

[leejoon.livejournal.com]

There are only a couple of friends who know, and for them I am glad. But I am still leaving my day to day friends in the dark because I am afraid.

[forever-alone.livejournal.com]

For us it wasn't worth it. No one reacted badly, no one really reacted at all. Whenever the subject comes up it's sort of awkward, they either stop talking or change the subject. They still generally call us by the body's name, we still have to use "I". We don't really have any close friends though, so maybe that's why.

[midnytemeg.livejournal.com]

same here

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Yes. It is worth it even if they back away from us, because at least we know who the true ones are. And there have been true ones.

[de-linques.livejournal.com]

We had the benefit, when we moved to the city we live in, of someone who knew us already online telling most everyone in our crowd that we were multiple. Generally people know before we tell them. We are not out at work, though, and anyone we meet through work tends to be kept in the dark so we do not compromise our job.

There have been a few friends we've had to tell, without the benefit of someone else telling them. In all cases they have been understanding. It was awkward, but worth it, and none of the friends we've had to personally explain our multiplicity to have freaked out at us.


- Luc

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

Yeah, definitely. We actually haven't gotten a bad reaction yet, though since we've only told five people, including another multiple and a median, and anyone who's already that close a friend of mine already knows I'm gay and a sensitive, my odds were probably pretty good.

Rob

[pthalo]

we rely on other people's selective hearing. they don't seem to notice that sometimes we say I and sometimes we say we. (And I is appropriate if you're speaking for yourself, not the system.). On the internet, I say "Hi, I'm Hannah", not "Hi, I'm body name". But we don't think it's too bad of a lie to call ourselves by the body's name in real life, since it's a name that applies to all of us as a system, even though it's different from my real name. It's kind of like saying you're an American without saying you're from Wisconsin.

[delraith.livejournal.com]

We think/thought about it, have kinda done it. It's a little scary honestly, and the reasons vary.

As everyone is saying, expect differing reactions, and that's very true. My friend I've known since third grade doesn't get it, and that's changing quite a bit of things.

It was funny/annoying when he said (this was after we confronted him, "What happened to you Joe? You just got all bitchy all of a sudden..." What he doesn't know is that I was a doormat, trying to get better at that boundaries thing, and Jeff wont let anyone push us around really, and Jeff around the time he said this, was being more awake.

Hooray.

We're wondering what to do about it now, Jeff doesn't come out when said friend is around, neither does anyone else... (there are only three of us here, and the third is very timid about other people anyway, so....) It's sort of annoying pretending to be 'normal,' and single, when we're not... But then again we have to do it every bloody day, and people don't understand what is going on when we switch, if they even notice it.

But, if we had the guts to say it outright to our friends, I guess it might clear things up, it can be a little frustrating when they have no idea what's going on. Not to mention because we've all sort of been staying away from most people out of fear from their lack of understanding, it's driving us to a pseudo-hermitage I guess. That and we're working on choosing the right people to be around anyways.

I recommend doing it, even though we quite haven't done it yet.

[terendel.livejournal.com]

Worth it does not even begin to describe it for me. Juli came out to her friend Jay last summer, and it's been the beginning of a wonderful journey for me. I'd never really fronted before, but Jay totally accepted me, and now I'm out a lot more. I have several friends now. I have a lover (way cool!), and best of all, I've found acceptance, which I'd never even let myself dream of. By being out, I've learned so much about myself. It's been a wild ride since last summer but oh so worth it. And it never would have happened if we hadn't come out to her friend.

Richard of Del System

[allusionist.livejournal.com]

I can count the number of people I've told on one hand. Out of them, I wish I hadn't told one of them and things would have gone a lot smoother if I had waited longer to tell another. There is one other person I may tell, but I think it's still too soon for him.

[echoes-world.livejournal.com]

Let's see... since I've figured out what was going on myself and since coming Here, there have been three people who have been told. Alright, five if you count the two daughters of our ex-housemate (THAT was a messy situation). My brother told her, and she told her two daughters so when they met me/us they knew what was going on, but I still had no idea.

Eh, anyway that in itself is a long story. I've mentioned here and there that its difficult for me to deal with so somehow my mind just glossed over what was going on for a while.

Anyway, I do think its worth it but I agree with several of the others who have made the comments about person to person. That's the way to go, in my opinion. I just cannot fathom telling the parents about it... considering they're still waiting to walk me down the aisle >.< ...

My girlfriend knows and its really great to hear MY name called when I have been trained now to respond to someone's name that isn't mine. Its pretty funny trying to sign anything official and going to write "San.." instead of the surname that's on the birth record. My girl's a good friend of my brother too.

Recently (as in Monday night) my girlfriend and I were spurred to tell a good friend of ours. I'm not quite sure how she reacted to it yet. At the beginning she asked a lot of questions, and then the conversation drifted a bit tenatively away from the subject and she went home. We'll see what happens - we regularly meet every Monday so you can bet something is going to be up on my journal about it.