Should we tell about our multiple-ness?

[teh-kerry.livejournal.com]

Because of other issues, Kerry sees a counsellor-type-person every so often, at a local NHS run mental health clinic (it's run by CAMHS, the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, in case anyone's suffered at their hands before). She hasn't mentioned us or given the person she sees any idea that she's multiple, and we're wondering if maybe we should tell them.

The main problem for Kerry isn't the actual physical telling, it's the problem that maybe they'd advise her to integrate (which we don't want to do) or even tell her that we were due to an overactive imagination - a friend of hers who's also multiple was referred to a physciatrist at the same place, who told her that her multiples were just like 'imaginary friends' and they were perfectly normal.

We don't think that they should be able to do anything like force us to integrate, but that's only an assumption of basic human decency: we don't know at all what anyone's response will be, whether they'll believe her at all and whether they'll tell her parents, school etc without Kerry's consent.



Does anyone have any ideas on whether we should tell them or not? The appointment with them's on Tuesday, and if we do choose to tell them that we're multiple, we'll make sure to post on Tuesday evening and tell you all how it got on. :)



Edit/update: We told both people we see, the person who works for Connexions and the person at CAMHS. Both of them had a response that was more low-key than we'd expected - the woman at Connexions went as far as to say that us being 'us' was normal behaviour - and they didn't seem freaked out at all.

Although it wasn't exactly flattering having it suggested by the person at CAMHS that Kerry might think we were there because Kerry's a 'medium', and other things like that, and they did both maintain a skeptical tone of voice all through the appointment, nothing bad's really happened. We haven't even been referred to a phychiatrist or other person at all, and we haven't been forced to take any steps we don't want to.

We even manged to worry the Connexions woman slightly, when Tash started flirting with her. :D



Thanks for all your advice and support everyone, it was really nice to know that so many people were interested in our issues...

Comments

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

We wouldn't. We once told a therapist about us and she put us on antisychotic meds.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

I was under 18 at the time and scared out of my wits. Thought the dr. was right. Don't worry. We got rid of her and later her practice closed down.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Yeah our mom, an accepting singlet who knows about us was none too happy and told her that we wouldn't be back.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

we'd advise against it.. Strongly advise against it.
-Jaidyn

UK Law

[rabbitsystem.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately in Britain the laws are different.
You are I believe a minor. In UK law your parents/guardians are the only ones who can give consent for any treatment. You have no rights. If they decide you need the medication/counselling/hospitalisation, then legally you cannot refuse.
You also have no rights to confidentiality from your parents. From everyone else, you do, but unless (bizarrely) it relates to your sex life, your parents can be told anything you tell a doctor.
So, I would reccommend that you don't tell your counsellor that yo're multiple. If they don't believe you you'll have made no progress, if they do - well, multiplicity is considered a dangerous disease, so it's highly unlikely your parents won't be told. And then anything could happen.
Until you reach eighteen, you have no rights. Please be careful.

Re: UK Law

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

In UK law your parents/guardians are the only ones who can give consent for any treatment.

Well that can't be right. the girls started plenty of treatments while they were a minor, without any parental consent.

Re: UK Law

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

Should also say that if they do believe her? Most doctors here wouldn't tell anybody. They're obliged to tell people if they believe you're a serious threat to yourself, multiplicity doesn't fall under that. Hell having a supply of pills at home and saying you're gonna kill yourself doesn't count as that sometimes, varies with age though.

Just had a look and it seems like kids of any age can consent to treatment if they're considered competant enough to do it. They can be over-ruled if they decline treatment but really? I've seen the girl's experiences with the mental health system here. It's stretched, and frankly if they don't need to treat you, they won't.

'Rights' are great to talk about, but the reality of the system is a lot different. It's nowhere near that scary. If multiplicity isn't causing your life to break down, make sure they know it and they probably won't push the issue. If their style of work means they would have to view it as a disorder, thank them for their time and ask for a different doctor. Most doctors know their style won't suit everyone who walks through their doors.


Hope this helps. The legal facts can be pretty scary. The reality's only usually scary if you *want* treatment. It can vary, just stay reasonable with them and you'll be fine. They're not usually gonna force expensive treatment on somebody for something who doesn't really need it. Like I said, system's stretched.

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

Given that it in NHS and that you are accepting services as a youth - i would say 'no'.

We have been open about it to our dr's but we have the right to fire our doctors if we
do not like them or what they have to say. So far 2 therapists, 2 psych nurses and one
psychiatrist have been positive about it - or at least they realize that it is not a
problem.

The only person in my circle of true friends that was a problem was a former companion
who is a psychiatrist. ...and finally we won the argument with her.

If you find yourself with an extraordinary therapist you might ask if they do internal
familly therapy. If yes and IF you feel that you have a core personality you might tell
them.

Personally i was offended by the ideas behind internal familly therapy because it says
that the self should lead 'the parts'. In our case the person who would most qualify
as the core person wants to be left in peace. (preferably in a science lab or library
;-))

--- Miri of Mtribe (With little anthony piping up from behind)

[nancy-nensi.livejournal.com]

I would advise against telling the counsellor, unless there is a good reason why you need to tell. You listed several arguments against telling. Why would you tell the counselor? Are there issues that cannot be resolved apart from informing the counselor, things you think the counselor could help you with if he/she knew there are several of you? If It won't help the counselor to do a better job with you, then the risks outweigh the benefits, in my opinion.

-Nancy

[rainbowthespian.livejournal.com]

is it possible to bring it up on a theoretical level, such as, i read this interesting book, what do you think of such a theory? you can eke out what the particular therapist feels about it safely.

pardon the caps not working...

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't chance it, particularly since you're you're underage. You talk about people having 'suffered at (the mental health service's) hands before', so you know what their policies are like.

[fireincarnation.livejournal.com]

Your multiplicity is an important thing to talk about with your new doctor IF it interferes with your life, or if you are concerned with it being a part of something that interferes with your life, or if it causes significant distress.

Let me give a personal example . . .
We were born multiple, but the core personality split as a result of trauma when we were about 16 years old. One of the reasons why we want to attend therapy is to get help for the core personality, called The Pams, so it's very important for us to tell our therapist about being multiple, so she knows what she is dealing with.

Unfortunately, as a minor, you don't have lots of rights to control what others force you to do "in your best interest," so be careful to pick your doctor well, and as suggested above, test the waters out a bit first to see what your doc thinks about it. Perhaps mention that one of your friends is multiple. . . . Good Luck!

[teh-kerry.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your replies, everyone.

Kerry sees two people - an independant person, who works with a group called Connexions and isn't linked to the NHS, and the CAMHS people. As we're seeing them both on the same day, we've decided that we're going to tell the independant person (she's called Nikki) about our multiplicity, because she has less power over us and doesn't even have the contact details for Kerry's parents. She can't really do much, as it isn't really in her power, so we'll tell her to test what peoples' reactions are.

If nothing too bad happens, we might consider telling our mental health person. The thing is that so far she's been completely ineffectual. Although some of us were here before, it was a major trauma that made Kerry split into Kerry *and* Sophy, and no matter what we've said, she isn't really taking that trauma seriously. We need to at least mention Sophy, to stress what an effect that trauma had on her, so Kerry can get the help that she so badly needs.

Thanks once again for all your useful replies, especially the points about UK law - we didn't realise that just because we're physically a minor (the body's aged 13), we were that helpless.

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

Counsellors aren't going to give you meds, and aren't qualified to try and get you to integrate. From what I hear, they can't really tell anybody much unless you're threatening to kill yourself and they think you're gonna do it.

The girls have seen counsellors a few times, they've always been really nice about it, even with the 'fiction' stuff.

Big difference between a psychiatrist and a counsellor, so I wouldn't worry about it. The one psychiatrist who suggested integration to the girls, basically said that because that's what he'd want, they shouldn't see him anymore because he didn't think it's be good for them.