[identity profile] hiddenhikari.livejournal.com
So, this is Kayla, the host, speaking right now. I just got out of my third hospitalization where a doctor told me that I 'don't follow specific characteristics of people with multiple personalities or with dissociative identity' and said that because I can communicate with my other personalities it means that its all just my imagination and that I made it up a long time ago and have pretending for so long that it's become real. He also said that because I've never been abused that there's pretty much no way I'm MPD/DID. He basically forced me to tell him that they were all just my imagination with the threat of going to a residential treatment facility. After lying through my teeth and saying that I made it all up, he put me on some serious medication because even though he thinks its just my imagination he wants to treat me for the voices anyway. So now I can't hear them at all. None of them. Even the good ones that help me. And none of them can front or anything. I can't see them any more in my head either. Its like their whole world is just...gone. I don't know what to do with myself...
Has anyone else ever had a doctor tell them this? Or ever had this happen to them?

UPDATE: I'm gonna go ahead and answer a few of the questions and things that have been brought up and offered to me real quick.
1. Thank you all so much for you help and support! It's nice to know that at least SOMEONE doesn't think I'm a liar...
2. I do not have to see that doctor ever again. He was just the doctor for the hospital I was in at the time and not my real doctor. But he is the second doctor that's told me that same story and my real doctor barely gives me the time of day...
3. I don't need to wean myself off the drugs because the doctor is weaning me off them. After I 'admitted' that I had 'lied' he said he would slowly take me off the Risperdole or something like that, I can't spell all these crazy drug names so I just sounded that out haha
4. One specific personality, Sophie, does self-harm and is the whole reason I got sent to that hospital in the first place. TRIGGER WARNING She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom and got mobile crisis called. I've seen crisis pretty much once a week for a couple months now and none of them believe me either. Anyway, while I was at the hospital but before my doctor threatened me, I politely called Sophie out on her self-harm/suicide attempts, Shell on her bingeing/purging, Samuel on his... psychotic behaviors, and Alex on her just plain bitchyness. The whole system was upset we had to go back to the hospital and the four trouble makers finally agreed not to get in the way of living my life. When I tried to tell my doctor that they had agreed not to hurt me anymore he looked me blankly in the face and said "I do not believe a word that comes out of your mouth." I was crushed. I bawled my eyes out because I just got the difficult ones to finally cooperate and now I was being told that it didn't even matter. So I'm hoping that once the doctor takes me completely off the medication they'll slowly come back. Even after one day without the medicine (because my parents haven't picked up my refill yet) I already got a little bit of communication with two of them again. Lizzy said that they didn't leave me, the medicine just made them all very tired.

I'll update again once my doctor gets me completely off the new medicine and let everyone know if our system goes back to normal. It's been really helpful to hear that so many other people know what I'm going through!

Also, it's a little strange that the doctor there knew so little about MPD/DiD considering there was a girl in the hospital with me who was actually diagnosed DiD, but she had a completely opposite kind of system than mine. She only new three or four of their names, she didn't hear them talk to her, and when she would switch no one could even tell. It seemed like she didn't switch one time all week, whereas I was switching a bunch of times a day.

Update:
So I saw my therapist yesterday (a good one, that actually believes me and stuff) and after I told him everything that happened he was like "That douchebag..." and was super apologetic about what happened to me there. Then we started talking about why everyone left the headspace. The doctor at the hospital said it was because "I finally told the truth" but I thought it was the medication. My therapist thinks everyone was just scared I was going to make them all leave and we both agreed that we wouldn't try to get rid of them, and we would focus on making sure that if I need to, I can take back control if one of them goes back on what they promised. And we agreed not to talk to my parents about any of this because my dad is super against the thought of me being a multiple, he's against me being different in any way at all...oh well though, as long as I know my therapist believes me and we're on the same page with where we want to go with this, I can see a silver lining after all! He said he might want to keep me on the medicine after all because apparently its just for stabilizing my mood, not getting rid of the voices, which just promotes his thought that the others were just scared. I've been trying to reopen communication with them, telling them that they are real and not to believe what that mean doctor said and stuff and telling them that our therapist believes in them. I've started hearing about five of them again. So far I've gotten back Jack, Lizzy, Shell, Alex, and Logan. Maybe in time the others will return too.
Thanks to everyone that's been commenting on my story and being so helpful about help getting off the medicine (which I don't need to do anymore thankfully!) and just giving me a kind word and believing me! It's really been helpful, but after that session yesterday I think things are really going to work out after all :) 
[identity profile] relevancedenied.livejournal.com
EDIT
I have posted a more detailed system introduction here.


. )
[identity profile] jsystem.livejournal.com
This question arose while I was thinking about the medications we've been put on in the past. I'm not going to go over the whole conversation we all inside had about this, but this is the question posed:

Is it really right to medicate the whole system for a psychological problem that one member has? Like, if one member is bipolar, should that person be allowed to take mood stabilizers when no one else in the system is bipolar. Or contrasting, is it alright to take Anti-Psychotics when only one person is a Schizo?

As well, should multiplicity be address before the prescribing of psychiatric drugs to a multiple? Should it be allowed if not everyone in the system is in agreement about taking the medication?


Read more... )

Pandora, Naomi, and Thomas
The Wonderland Group - J System
[identity profile] teh-kerry.livejournal.com
Because of other issues, Kerry sees a counsellor-type-person every so often, at a local NHS run mental health clinic (it's run by CAMHS, the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, in case anyone's suffered at their hands before). She hasn't mentioned us or given the person she sees any idea that she's multiple, and we're wondering if maybe we should tell them. Read on... )

Does anyone have any ideas on whether we should tell them or not? The appointment with them's on Tuesday, and if we do choose to tell them that we're multiple, we'll make sure to post on Tuesday evening and tell you all how it got on. :)

How it went )

Thanks for all your advice and support everyone, it was really nice to know that so many people were interested in our issues...
[identity profile] blue-bullet.livejournal.com
Uh, well, hello! :D; New to this community, and things like that. ^^;

We are a multiple system, and...I'm bad at introductions. We're pretty big, considering. But alot of people who are "here" don't come to the front often. We've been loosely calling ourself an 'open system', where people can come and go as they please. Some people stay, others drop by, then leave. High traffic, oftenly. >__> But it makes things interesting.

We found this community by journal hopping, so made an account to join (because if we joined on the other account, we'd get some raised eyebrows from people ;-;).

Oh! Sorry, um, my name is Ticker, though just commonly Tick. >__> And I come bearing questions!

We've been (officially) a system for maybe two years now, due to constant denial and constantly thinking "OHEMGEE DID is bad!", but yeah..those thoughts passed, we opened our arms to everyone and were like "Hey! Hell with that!". People'd been lurking around here long before, but you know..

But two things: One is that, lately, we've been having trouble communicating Inside and Out. It's like there's a screen between the two, and only little pieces of residual are getting through, and we can't See clearly. D: And we were wondering if anyone has had something like this happen before, and if anyone has any idea of how to, I guess, remove that screen?

It also makes people going In and Out difficult, and there've been times when people who aren't comfortable being Out from long periods of time, being sort of "Stuck".

The second thing, is that we have Schizophrenia, on top of this (though the Schizophrenia is troublesome, whereas this is not). I don't know if it's really a body-oriented thing, or if the er..host (? I don't know what else to call Her >__>) has it and it's just filtering through. But regardless, it's there, and it makes things really unstable and confusing (thankfully, it isn't severe, but it has..er..grown in the past year).

So we were wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation with that, or not. Because honestly, we want to go to a Psychiatrist and get medication for it (we haven't seen our Psychiatrist in a few years, which was originally only for anxiety. But he diagnosed us with Schizophrenia and WAS going to prescribe us medicine, but we declined and hadn't gone back since~), but we don't know how the medicine would effect us as a whole, what it would do, or anything like that.

Thank you for your help, everyone who may reply, and thank you for even reading! >__> :D

- Ticker
[identity profile] eridanusus.livejournal.com
Well we're around again. It's funny how we have times when we don't talk to other multis at all.. need to change my subs on the yahoo lists because our domain expired, couldn't be assed paying more money to keep it, so there went the email addresses. Switched everything else onto gmail, just not the yahoo stuff.

Anyway. Not too much, just saying hi. We're.. kinda settling, I think? Dunno. Kei's been out a lot, she did nanowrimo, got her writing website done and online, stuff like that. I get to go talk to social services in a couple days to get back on our beenfit and we're sorting out our medication. Again. Now we can't drink or use sleeping pills because we're on.. nortryptaline (sp?) which is a tricyclic antidepressant, sedative thing.
[identity profile] fireincarnation.livejournal.com
I need some advice on two new prescriptions, my system is very susceptible to things causing memory loss, we get medication-induced blackouts. We went to see a new doctor who seems legit and nice, one who specialized in chronic pain and headaches. He prescribed Topamax and Fioricet. Has anyone heard of problems with the drug? I heard Topamax causes weight loss.
[identity profile] fireincarnation.livejournal.com
Please excuse me if this doesn't make perfect sense, or seems disjointed. My mind's not all here right now.

I had my first serious blackout today. I'm missing five hours. I can't seem to figure out what I did, as nothing in the house looks differant, the tv was off the whole time, and I wasn't on the internet. (What *can* you do for five hours alone in a house with no books that produces no disturbance of *anything* in the house?)

I have regular blackouts, but they occur for under 5 minutes at a time, and ONLY while I am driving. This one is seriously differant. And it is a serious concern.

I think this has been caused by my Lamictal. The longer I am on it, the harder it is for me to think. It was very hard for anyone else to front yesterday, and impossible to front for over a minute or two, even when the intense desire existed. Today it has been hard for me to think and I can't get anyone else to front at all (except for the blackout.) Communication has varied from very spotty to not at all.

I've decided to stop Lamictal, and since I'm only on 25mg, it won't pose any risk of seizures. It only seemed to make my bipolar and anxiety worse anyway. I'm emailing my psychiatrist with my decision.

Ideas? Advice? Comments?
[identity profile] atrypical.livejournal.com
Hey guys... I've got something to tell you.


I think the other 'personalities' were caused by too many medical stimulants. So it turns out I'm probably not multiple at all... :/

I would still like to remain in this community and talk to you all, though!

Basically, this has been going on for several years, more so when I was given more medicines that act as stimulants. Mom's theory is that I had so much stimulation the natural "voices" in my head were just louder.

We took me off one of the meds and the voices haven't come back.
[identity profile] elusivedreamers.livejournal.com
I figured out I'm a magic bus. :) Well, that's where the others are at least.. or that's what I picture... whatever!
Read more... )
[identity profile] liberated-soul.livejournal.com
hey i'm new... not sure what to write.

duh and intro ~Danu


yeah, ok... I'm Danny. 17

that one there is Danu 16

the others are sleeping, Ameni, Solum, and Onwa. *kisses Onwa's forehead* he's the youngest


i have others but for some reason they don't talk to me so i don't know their names. =P


i only have a few friends that know that i have multiples, my family does not want to believe that i have this thought. lol, before i forget, i'm also bipolar, just me... they have stuff too but i'm bipolar

ummm... Ameni is obsessive compulive and suffers from paranoia at times

Solum has anorexia and depression

Danu has schitzophrenia... i think i speeled it right

and Onwa is a sweet seven year boy. ^ ^ i love him so much.


joined this site cause i was going through a depressive swing and wanted to find help and found this. pretty good huh?
I suppose so ~Danu

ummm, my others have journals too except for Solum, he doesn't want one so we sorta share the same one, this one.

i'm to sleepy to think really. well just introducing my selfs tis all.
[identity profile] jadedmosaic.livejournal.com
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5:47 pm - Its Elaine whoops I made a big Mistake dunno what to do
Hi I realize this is a site about multiplicity but this happens because of mixed up time sometime and I'm afraid I hurt me and the Mosaic Gang.

I've been staying up lately allot late. Today around 3pm, I ate some left over Turkey and stuffing and sweet pitatoe and I was sitting up in bed cause I was getting tired reading Robert Oxnams new Book Fractured Mind( which so far I dont like ) I fell into a really deep sleep and woke up in the dark at 5:25, well Tiea always wakes at 5:30 am and takes her morning meds so I thought it was morning and did . I took 1 Soma 1 dravacet 100 and plaquanal and changed my fentynal patch 50 meq's because Monday is the day to do it and took the 4 tranzene 7.5 mg the house was dark but the alram never went off. I was real confused and finally figured out from the Tv schedule I am in the smae day.
I dont think I took a overdose cause its been 12 hours but I messed up our meds. Do you think this will hurt the body?

Has anyone ever done this?
We are suppose to take that in another 12 hours. Does anyone know what I should do? I tried to throw up and drank lots of water but it wont happen. I already figured I should drink lots of coffee and stay up late and not take our night mediciene we will be ok for the night but what do we do in the morning ? I have to warn Tiea . I was just trying to be helpful since I thought I was the first person to awake .

Drats I hate Daylights Savings and mixed up time and Turkey for making me nod off. Everyone is freaking out. Does anybody got any ideas how to get back on the right track ? I would appriciate it I feel so stupid I hope I did not hurt the body.I thought of calling Life line but I dont want them to think we overdosed but 8 Tranzene in a day is a llot but its been 12 hours Do you think were safe ? I dont want us to be falling asleep again. So will try to stay awake all night. I feel so dumb and everyone is telling me I could of overdosed them . It was a honest mistake.
Thnx Elaine

current mood: confused
current music: Carley Simon Reflections
[identity profile] secondcabal.livejournal.com
I can't feel anyone else very strongly.

Maybe it's the hematite ring -- I've heard it's good for grounding, but this is ridiculous -- or maybe it's the 10mg extra of Celexa that Doc L wants me to take. I'm up to 30mg.

Either way, this is not pleasant.
[identity profile] rhymer-713.livejournal.com
This is the first time we have posted and it is a huge freaking leap of faith for us. We usually don't like to talk to people because they think we're odd. There are three of us, not counting the host. But one of us wants to write now.
Hi. I is Addee. I is four years old and likes to jump priddy ropes. Does any of you peoples wanna play with me? I want more kidses who is my age to play with. I don't likes most Big Peoples cause they's all scary and treats us kidses like we is supid. Why does all dults thinks kids is supid? Addee no unerstand. I's sorry I can't type all priddy but this thing is all funny. It is bigger than the other thing she writes on, a laptop I tink she callded it. I likes it cause it is liddler than this. I's gonna go. Bye-bye.
There ya go. Comment on that if you wish. Also, I had a bad therapist story. I made the mistake of telling her about them and she put me on this antisychotic called geodone. Only problem is that it made me have a really bad allergic reaction. Also she said I was sick for wanting to keep them. I am blind and she wanted to read my journal. I brought my assistive technology device and she asked me if "Things were gonna pop out of it." Have any of you had bad therapist stories. If so, enlighten me. I think it was my t that needed the treatment and not me.
[identity profile] jadedmosaic.livejournal.com
Hi This is Shelby , Darby and I were hanging out . Tiea is a sleep again the fever is going down but were all falling asleep every few minutes . We've been nodding off at work and at the computer at home , and feel we could sleep for hours .

This all started all this eccessive sleeping after being given a drug called Cymbalta or dulexetine HCI , we were given it cause Tiea has Lupus which causes chronic pain . We were doing well with a TENS unit but the T said he had three other PTSDers who had chronic pain on this and they were doing well .

At first we were to take 1 a week then tapper up to 2 a day when we got to 2 we couldent get out of bed so he lowered it to 1 and we could move around more. we had no appitite and lost 40 pounds in a month so kinda liked it but now we cant stay awake . So now we are taking one every other day. On the days we do not take it were not sleepy as much or as feverish ., It says one has to taper off it so we were going to do one every other day a week then stop .

This drug is only about a year old But Tiea is a Zombie even without fever and now us .
Has anyone heard of this drug? and this effect ? We looked it up and it doesent list excessive sleeping were also sweating all day and chilling. Generally a Lupus flare up does not cause sleeeping like this . We goggled it and could not find much . Thanks Shelby and Darby
[identity profile] terrenepixy.livejournal.com
is it just us, or is this community getting spammed a bit?

the last three entries in it don't seem to have much to do with why it's here... -_-

and, just so we're not complaining ... a question.

we went to see a new shrink on friday, and got put on depakote. is that going to affect anything, function/system-wise?

thanks.

-aleria/noelle-
[identity profile] redrainstorm.livejournal.com
I've been really depressed lately and am considering going on an anti-depressant because sometimes it gets so bad that some of the other fronters must take over so I don't hurt the body. It's to the point I don't care about things that used to be my top priority, I don't want to leave the house, the question of "what can I do to ease this pain?" always fills my mind and it's just not getting better. I'm a little worried about how anti-depressant medication can affect the system as a whole.

Have any advice?

Horror stories?

Things to be prepared for?
[identity profile] fireincarnation.livejournal.com
I have a specific group of people in my system who refer to themselves as Pam. Most of them are the remnants of when the original owner of this body went nuts and split. The rest of us are here because we are past lives, soulbonds, or we needed a refuge. Just before Pam descended into madness, she created me, Mela. The Pams very seldom front or deal with the outside world--they are scared, and have been burnt too much. I (and the other core members of the system) think it is critical to help heal (probably not integrate, but definitely heal) the Pams. I've been "in charge" of the system for four years now and we've made amazing progress, but we feel that the next step is to help the original member. We can't move forward as a system until we can help the Pams to become more functional.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

Also, my parents have taken to reading "An Unquiet Mind." I think this is a book about bipolar. Does anyone else have any experience of this book? Is it helpful at all, or do I have some work ahead of me dispelling them of some ideas?

Any suggestions of a good book about multiplicity? bipolar?
[identity profile] sethrenn.livejournal.com
Reading through the earlier thread about the 'drama community', I found this from [livejournal.com profile] eridanusus, which got me thinking.

"They keep saying people can't talk to each other and stuff obviously they never even read Sybil or When Rabbit Howls or anything! Because they talk to each other in those. And don't they think if someone WAS gonna go "ooh I'm going to fake having multiple personalities" they'd actually do some research so they DIDN'T get it all wrong?"

Maybe I'm giving the wannabe 'experts' too much credit by assuming they've done any reading at all, rather than simply going on hearsay, but it's a good question. Where did the idea come from? 'Mutual unawareness of others' existence' is not and has never been in the diagnostic criteria for either MPD or DID. Even in some of the early 'dual personality' cases described (Mary Reynolds, and Gmelin's patient whose other self spoke fluent French), at least one person was aware of the other's existence, even if the awareness wasn't mutual.

What many of the popular and sensationalistic accounts *do* describe is a 'presenting self' who was unaware of the others and experienced the periods when they were controlling the body as blackouts, while the 'others,' when they were in charge, were not only aware of each other's existence but had varying levels of communication between themselves. Books like "Sybil" and "The Minds of Billy Milligan" give *extremely* clear descriptions of internal communication taking place between selves (i.e. Vicki telling Peggy to "put the dish down" when she wanted to break it). Even if the usual frontrunner knew nothing, that's still a pretty far cry from 'nobody can talk to anyone else.'

In fact, for a while, one of the things some doctors were *specifically* told to ask patients when evaluating for an MPD or DID diagnosis, was whether they 'heard voices.' (Granted, this is an extremely flimsy criterion on which to base the diagnosis-- one has to distinguish between the internal 'voices' that many multiples experience and auditory hallucinations-- but I think I've already made pretty clear my distrust of most professional ideas about multiplicity.)

Virtually every popular account of multiplicity published during the 80s and 90s ends with, if not integration, the attainment of at least some sort of communication between everyone. There were some books published during this time by-- yes, therapists with degrees-- with titles like "Working with the Family Inside" and "Internal Family Systems Therapy," which emphasized communication and awareness as a viable alternative to integration for some multiples. So, even supposing that only a portion of these more sensationalized cases were real, the claim that "in real multiplicity the personalities don't know about each other" still doesn't hang together. I'd take this more seriously if anyone could quote a single source, but no one seems to be able to.

So, where did 'they can't talk to each other' come from? I'm actually curious.

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