The Magic Bus

[elusivedreamers.livejournal.com]

I figured out I'm a magic bus. :) Well, that's where the others are at least.. or that's what I picture... whatever!

Because strange things happen. Like motorcycle riding. I've ridden for three years now and have all the technical stuff down pat. You know, how to shift, how to balance, how to negotiate curves. I'll be riding along and suddenly it's as if I'm a complete novice and have to think hard about how to shift, how to do anything. Almost in a panic, and a completely surprising situation, like I just dropped onto my bike out of nowhere. Then, I'd adnomish myself and say "Look, you've ridden for years. Relax!" and then the 'feeling' would go away and I'd be 'okay' again.

In the shower this morning, I was having all sorts of varied conversations in my head, and sort of watching the body take a shower, as if I wasn't even there. Very strange feeling. I don't know who was Fronting, but most of "me" wasn't paying any attention. Sometimes I think it's a wonder I get anything done at all!

I've never felt alone, even if there are no outside people around. I guess the reason is that I'm never alone. The closest I come is first thing upon waking, there are several seconds when no one else is awake. But that lasts, as I said, only seconds, because very soon someone else wakes up and starts talking. (They talk a lot!)

I used to say that my brain was like a bank of televisions at a store. Some were understandable, some had just snow or static, but all were on at once and on different channels. Effexor made less channels so I could concentrate. For awhile, just after starting Effexor, it felt very quiet. Very odd. Then things "normalized".

I'm wondering now exactly what the Effexor did/does and if those were really 'channels' or if they were others all talking at once.

Comments

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

I used to say that my brain was like a bank of televisions at a store. Some were understandable, some had just snow or static, but all were on at once and on different channels. Effexor made less channels so I could concentrate. For awhile, just after starting Effexor, it felt very quiet. Very odd. Then things "normalized".

I'm wondering now exactly what the Effexor did/does and if those were really 'channels' or if they were others all talking at once.

Some of us would say there isn't a whole lot of difference between the two. :) Anyway, your experience on Effexor sounds similar to ours on Prozac. Every time we went off it, the feeling of 'lots of people talking at once' would return. One of the reasons we were afraid we were going 'insane' when we were younger was that we couldn't stop feeling that there were others around. Prozac didn't make them all 'go away,' but the feeling of 'less channels' sounds very, very similar to what we felt. Less channels, and you had to listen a little harder to hear them.

When we started actually trying to hear each other again, it didn't occur to us for a long time that the medication could be what was making it difficult. It did help us to focus better, especially since we had some sensory/CAPD problems going on in the first place, but we finally decided that the side effects weren't worth it, and decided we needed to find other ways to cope. (It turned out that we didn't, in fact, need to 'take it for the rest of our life' as our psychiatrist had claimed we would; we're actually doing better now than when we were on it.)

From our own experience, and many others that have been reported to us, I think any kind of psychiatric drug is going to affect in-system communication in some way. It might be subtle enough that you don't realise it, as it was with us. Even non-psychiatric drugs can mess with communication. We once took an over-the-counter sleep aid and couldn't talk to each other for a few days afterwards.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

*falling completely in love with your icon*

[eridanusus.livejournal.com]

We take citalopram and don't really have communication problems or anything. The only problem is we become resistent to medication quite quickly, and it looks like we need our dose upped again. (And I do mean *again*.)

[fourninesix.livejournal.com]

For awhile, just after starting Effexor, it felt very quiet. Very odd. Then things "normalized".

That's how it was for us when she started taking Cipralex. I couldn't get through to the front at all... only my mentor could, probably because he's the eldest and knows the most about this kind of stuff.
It was a little unsettling, but it didn't last.