(no subject)

[deathwish13.livejournal.com]

Hi Everyone.

My name is Ophelia. i am a multiple, although i am unsure as to exactly how many there are or all of there names. i know i switch and different people come out. sometimes i am aware of this (like being in the passenger's seat) and sometimes i am unaware until someone else tells me. i basically have a situation that happened and i am really unsure how to deal with it. i thought maybe you could be of help. i was recently having an intimate experiece with my boyfriend when i freaked out and switched. i did not really remember what happened, but the next morning i woke up and everyone was in shambles. from what i gather, my boyfriend who stopped having sex with me when i flipped out, was complaining to autopilot (who he knew was out) that he was horny. autopilot said that they would get a girl for him that didn't care about being fucked because everythign bad happened to her anyway. well, i think AP got this girl out and he had sex with her. now, i don't know the age of this girl. maybe AP and this girl were testing him to see if he could be trusted... at any rate, should i ask the boyfriend about this? i am not even entirely sure if this is how it happened. should i be mad at him if this is how it happened? The whole thing is just kinda crazy and makes me wonder what we were doing....sorry if i sound crazy. please don't call me nuts!!!

Ophelia

Comments

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Okay, so let me get this straight. You think your boyfriend sexually exploited someone else in the system, and you're wondering if you should be upset with him? Exploitation is exploitation. If you feel you need to give him 'a girl who doesn't care about being fucked because everything bad happens to her anyway,' that's not a healthy relationship-- for any of you. If your partner acts as if you're obligated to give them sex any time they want it, that's an abusive relationship.

You deserve someone who respects you, and you need to improve your communication as much as you can, so that others in the system can tell you what happened when they were out front.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

So first for the reacord, we wouldn't have anything to do with anyone that wants to, or choses to fuck a kid, personally don't care how old the body is or how mature the kid might be, but that's just our community.

What I have to say about this is personally I don't think it says as much about your boyfriend as it does about your system. I personally don't see how someone who is horny and told that it is ok to fuck a certain person can be blamed for taking the person's word for it. I personally don't see it as my partner's responsibility to protect us, to second guess us, or decide that our decisions aren't acceptable. I don't see it as a test as much as setting him up. There was an understandign he was horny, permission (so to speak) was given and then there was anger that he took your (loosely speaking) word that it would be fine.

[he-dreams-awake.livejournal.com]

I'm... not sure about that.

*frowns in thought.* To me, what that comes across as is like someone complaining of being horny to someone and being handed an unprotesting girl, whilst being told that he can "fuck her, it's okay" -- without the girl herself actually having a choice in the matter. And that reeks of non-consensual sex.

To agree with you partway, if the partner always has to worry about who's out and what may or may not be acceptable, then that's too much of a burdern for any one person to carry. However, this, from the first comment:

If you feel you need to give him 'a girl who doesn't care about being fucked because everything bad happens to her anyway,' that's not a healthy relationship-- for any of you. If your partner acts as if you're obligated to give them sex any time they want it, that's an abusive relationship

is exactly what I believe, as well. His being horny shouldn't be SO all-encompassing that his getting his rocks off is more important than respecting who he's with, being it ANY system member. People, men OR women, are NOT sexual vending machines.

And by the way: if your boyfriend is willing to "fuck" multiple system members without caring who, how old, or what they are, then STOP: there is something seriously wrong there. System members are people, individuals, and if they're all interchangeable to him when he needs to get laid, that is NOT a relationship you want to keep.

IMHO.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if this is really a reply to you or more just me thinking.

The thing for us is being horny isn't a crime. And yes I know you didn't say it was.I don't know the whole story I wasn't there. But what keeps coming to my mind from reading the original post was one person complaining about being horny... something I do all the time... which is in my opinion different than demanding sex. God I am horny might not be the best seductive line of all time, but it isn't forcing another to perform. There could be many other ways to respond rather than to have sex. If the I'm horny was met with a too bad type of response and then he forced the issue.. well yeah.. bad man. But if it is met with.. well here's someone to fuck.. then to me that sounds like consent. Now the grey murky area is about the person that came out. If he or she didn't say no but didn't really want to be there... well I am not sure I would be blaming the boyfriend/partner for non-consentual sex. I would if it was my community be very shitty at those that arranged the system to happen.

[he-dreams-awake.livejournal.com]

God I am horny might not be the best seductive line of all time, but it isn't forcing another to perform. There could be many other ways to respond rather than to have sex.

This is very right, and true. Good point. That wasn't, in fact, specified. Hmm.

I still stand by my last point, though: I know for a fact that if I were with someone and they were willing to fuck the body without caring who was out at the time -- or, who I was/am, whichever your system does -- I'd hop out of that relationship real quick. That's kinda like saying, "It doesn't matter who's IN the body, it is a receptacle for your needs." Whether he forced it or not, it still seems a bit... well... callous.

But then again, sex for me has SO many emotional connotations wound up in it BECAUSE of who I am, so maybe I'm not the most impartial judge.

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

Just because a person doesn't say no, doesn't mean they should be screwed anyway. And frankly if our fiance acted like that, if Lu were to say 'here, fuck Selene she's not in the mood to give a shit', I know damn fine he'd feel terrible and not do it. Because that is WRONG. You don't just screw somebody because they don't care enough to fight it. That says a lot about the boyfriend, none of it good.

Yes, the system is also to blame, but the boyfriend should never have accepted that.

[deathwish13.livejournal.com]

i understand it is my systems fualt, and not necessarily his. he was told by someone else in my system that it was ok... whrther or not I agree with that is another story. i just am unsure how to confront AP and let them know it is not ok. on the other hand, he knows about the system and i think he shouldn't of trusted AP saying it was ok. either way, its a confusing situation... maybe we need to have clearer boundaries, as in NO SEX with anyone but me. we have never had this situation come up before, so it did not get talked about. i am just so confused by the whole thing, like why would AP do that? why would i let her do that? thanks for your input though.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

What "rules" your system sets up for a relationship is up to your system to decide. The thing about that is it will take being able to communicate and reach a consesus. It might even have to happen with every relationship you get into in the future. We have had relationships where it was basically the person dating us all (well all adult and sexually active people) so basically anyone could agree to sex with that person. In other relationships it was more one or two of us, and if the other person had sex with anyone other than those people it would be considered cheating. But the thing was that was for us to decide and enforce. Although he was pretty good at pickign a few of us it would have been easy to fool him. We had to realise we were responsible, that we had to be responsible for our actions.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

Oh replying to myself, I don;t think I have written this much on this forum before. And I think this touched onto a bit of bitterness on my part. Now for the record I am not implying anyone here is actually doing this. I just get annoyed at multiplicity being used as the victim, get out of jail free card. They know I am multiple they should have known. It's not my fault how can I be expected to be responsible..I'm multiple. So it's a sore spot for me, hence why the flurry of posts.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Welcome.

You are not nuts. You lack self-respect, and selves-respect. You assume that because you are multiple, it means you are lesser than other people -- that they are entitled to push you around, take from you what they will.

As idianshire said, you gave your boyfriend carte blanche. He did what he assumed was okay with you guys. You have probably been giving him the message from the beginning that anything he did was okay with you. He may be one of these blokes who believes that dating a multiple means he has a "harem" to choose from. Or you could have confirmed or given him that impression.

How "should" you feel? I don't know. Only you can know how you feel, and I suggest you take some time to yourselves and find out how you feel. You may have been concealing your feelings from yourself(ves) as well as from others for so long, trying to be the person(s) everybody wanted you to be, that it may take some time and serious thought, but it is well worth it.

If I sound bitter, it's because I and my people have been in a very similar situation, and not too long ago. I wish you strength and luck. And once again, welcome to this community. There are all different kinds of people and multiple systems here. I hope you get feedback that will help you and give you different perspectives on things.

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

We enjoy hearing what you have to say.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

:) thanks!

[shandra.livejournal.com]

Rough situation. Here are my thoughts, in random order:

Shoving people out to have sex (if this happened) is an act of disrespect/power act inside your system. You probably need to think whether this is okay.

Testing people in relationships is passive-aggressive. It does happen, but it's not in my opinion, heathy or fair. It just leads to more tests and more tests until the person fails and then that's it.

It's hard to tell from your post whether your boyfriend was just mildly complaining or whether he has an expectation that if sex starts he will get some or that his horniness means you have to have sex. Hopefully it was the first, but if not, I suggest that you consider not sleeping with him while you sort this out. Because sex is a gift not a right.

Myself, I would talk to him and give him a chance, but if he was /told/ that he could have a girl who "didn't care because she's a massive sexual abuse victim" and he decided that was okay with him, that's a huge, to me, danger sign flashing. Now, y'all put him in that position, and I do think you can control that. But. That's not right. And I would ask him to refrain from sex in the future if he's told something like that.

Shandra

[mysticeden.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're crazy. but i mean if he just said"fuck it I'm horney I'll screw anyone" what the hell? Wouldn't that mean he'd cheat on you too, actually isn't that chjeating on you? And how can a guy just have sex with someone, not knowing thier age but knowing he can have sex with thme. because this person is so screwed up they dont care anymore. To me thats like rape too... this is just my op though...

ask him about it, if you don't know. I wouldn't say anything except "what happned last night?" and see what happens...

Angeliz