Rough situation. Here are my thoughts, in random order:
Shoving people out to have sex (if this happened) is an act of disrespect/power act inside your system. You probably need to think whether this is okay.
Testing people in relationships is passive-aggressive. It does happen, but it's not in my opinion, heathy or fair. It just leads to more tests and more tests until the person fails and then that's it.
It's hard to tell from your post whether your boyfriend was just mildly complaining or whether he has an expectation that if sex starts he will get some or that his horniness means you have to have sex. Hopefully it was the first, but if not, I suggest that you consider not sleeping with him while you sort this out. Because sex is a gift not a right.
Myself, I would talk to him and give him a chance, but if he was /told/ that he could have a girl who "didn't care because she's a massive sexual abuse victim" and he decided that was okay with him, that's a huge, to me, danger sign flashing. Now, y'all put him in that position, and I do think you can control that. But. That's not right. And I would ask him to refrain from sex in the future if he's told something like that.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 01:59 pm (UTC)Shoving people out to have sex (if this happened) is an act of disrespect/power act inside your system. You probably need to think whether this is okay.
Testing people in relationships is passive-aggressive. It does happen, but it's not in my opinion, heathy or fair. It just leads to more tests and more tests until the person fails and then that's it.
It's hard to tell from your post whether your boyfriend was just mildly complaining or whether he has an expectation that if sex starts he will get some or that his horniness means you have to have sex. Hopefully it was the first, but if not, I suggest that you consider not sleeping with him while you sort this out. Because sex is a gift not a right.
Myself, I would talk to him and give him a chance, but if he was /told/ that he could have a girl who "didn't care because she's a massive sexual abuse victim" and he decided that was okay with him, that's a huge, to me, danger sign flashing. Now, y'all put him in that position, and I do think you can control that. But. That's not right. And I would ask him to refrain from sex in the future if he's told something like that.
Shandra