multiplicity_archives | Entries tagged with relationships

zamisista.livejournal.com

we are looking for girlfriend advice.

we are the little ones and we would like a girlfriend. but everyone in here doesn't agree on what we like. the big one seems to like butch women, or else she wants to just be alone and not have girlfriend trouble. we want someone kind and gentle who smells nice and wears pretty colors. then there is JD, he is a boy and he didn't really like the girlfriends the big one always choses for us. he would like a really sexy girlfriend, or as he says, a hot chick. but he is having trouble figuring out how to date someone using the body we have (which is female). he really doesn't like using this body. before he thought he had a male body, but then our last therapist said to look at our body and he saw it was female and after that he stopped liking to come out at all.

our last two girlfriends were multiple so there were different people inside for us all to get along with. but the first one had a resident who was a gambling addict and she wasn't very healthy and didn't acknowledge being multiple. our life with her was too chaotic. the second one had a really mean resident who used to be mean to little ones, so we had to get rid of her.

we haven't had a girlfriend in a year and a half and we are getting worried about how we can ever find someone who we all like. we are scared to date a singleton because we don't know how she would react to us and we don't know how one person would keep us all interested. if you are little ones in a big body, when do you introduce yourself to someone you want to date? do you let the adult member who is mostly out be the only one to talk to her at first? but then won't she just be having a relationship with the big one?

can anyone share experiences and dating tips?
thank you!!
the little ones

Current Mood: mischievous

hairymonster.livejournal.com

I fell in love with two wonderful women, then they fell in love with each other and I lost them both totally from my life along with one of Us. Now it has happened again. Two people I love so much it hurts have fallen for each other. And much as I know its so so totally different from before, the old fears and wounds have surfaced again. With avengence.

I am so utterly happy for them both. That they have found each other makes my heart sing. But now I fear, fear that yet again my heart and very soul will be ripped apart. Bugger, why can't I just be happy for them?

* * "Andrew" - Broken * *
* * "Elizabeth" - You'd never notice * *

Cross posted from Our journal

Current Mood: scared
Current Music: Enya - China Roses

ex-nanonyan.livejournal.com

When Jenny of

shadowechoes made her post earlier, it really struck a chord with me, and I can't shut up about it anymore.

I'm actually having some issues with the very subject of relationships and polyamory.

You see, it turns out that my mate, who thought they were singular, actually ends up being but one member of a multiple system. I should be happy that the person I'm in love with is living in a situation like me and can actually understand me, but it just scares me to death.

What if one of them wants to have a relationship with someone else?! I'm completely monogamous (as are they, for that matter) and really don't like the idea of sharing my/our body with anyone else, but to have to deal with some nights with my lover being gone (we currently live together, etc.) and knowing they're with someone else really bothers me. It feels like my girlfriend and I are caught in a situation which we never asked for and have no control over.

In Celen, we long ago created a rule that there'd be one relationship for the system at one time, generally speaking. This was way back when things were really confusing and we needed to create emergency measures to handle life itself. It just hasn't been repealed, since changing our laws requires mutual agreement and I certainly do not agree. Right now I'm able to cope with the modification to the rule that it's okay if people from our systems get into relationships with each other, though it does give me a little jealousy. Still, it's within my trust/comfort zone.

How do people deal with this? I mean, I know that my GF would be *bound* to front eventually when with the theoretical external that someone else is with, even if they don't expressly "do" anything with that person. Since they consider cuddling to be okay and not cheating (and I don't see how it is), that would really get under my skin, very fast.

I'm pretty sure I feel bad about it because of my abuse history and desire for security and control and so forth, but I still have no right to want to restrict the freedom of others. Naturally, I can't, but to be really honest I wish wish wish that I could.

How does one cope?

Current Mood: stressed

martinanonymous.livejournal.com

Hi everyone. I joined a little while back, but haven't introduced myself yet. I'm fairly sure there's only one permanent resident in this body. There is some stuff that blurs the line a bit, but I don't think I actually have MPD, DID, or anything like that. I'm an eighteen-year-old aspiring musician. I'm currently dating a girl who has alternates. Well, right now she doesn't, but there are times she splits. I'm very confused as to how I can be supportive when they all seem to want very different things and as to how much of the relationship does/should carry over to an alt. I don't even really know how to articulate all this clearly into questions... esp. as I'm trying to keep info about her to a min. I guess I'm just confused and am wondering if anyone has any suggests on how I can be supportive or on where I can find support myself.

trinity-system.livejournal.com

~Phoeboe Gardener~

Well, I know the body is all ready in this community, but Draka doesn't tend to think too much into things...oh well. My name is Phoeboe, and I am one of the alters in Draka's system. That's not her real name, but we have a confidentiality issue right now. I am the arcivist, which means that thus far I alone have been able to track the individual motions of the alters from the island level, which we call Duir. At this moment I'm being flirted with, but since the body has a significant other, I should probably be ignoring it.

That's a real problem with me. We do not have many males in the system, and because I see every movement Draka makes I find myself sometimes lonely for lack of male companionship. Do any of the alters out there have this problem, or is it just me? I shouldn't be jealous, but something her SO said the other day to Draka about Sandra struck me. He said she'd always feel as though no matter what happened, because she was a "personality" she was always second best. He said he didn't feel that, but she has low self- esteem. Can anyone help me with this? It may be out of my character from what most know of me, but I am curious and lonely at this moment.

Isolation in an temple archive does little for the love life.

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Greenday

deathwish13.livejournal.com

Hi Everyone.

My name is Ophelia. i am a multiple, although i am unsure as to exactly how many there are or all of there names. i know i switch and different people come out. sometimes i am aware of this (like being in the passenger's seat) and sometimes i am unaware until someone else tells me. i basically have a situation that happened and i am really unsure how to deal with it. i thought maybe you could be of help. i was recently having an intimate experiece with my boyfriend when i freaked out and switched. i did not really remember what happened, but the next morning i woke up and everyone was in shambles. from what i gather, my boyfriend who stopped having sex with me when i flipped out, was complaining to autopilot (who he knew was out) that he was horny. autopilot said that they would get a girl for him that didn't care about being fucked because everythign bad happened to her anyway. well, i think AP got this girl out and he had sex with her. now, i don't know the age of this girl. maybe AP and this girl were testing him to see if he could be trusted... at any rate, should i ask the boyfriend about this? i am not even entirely sure if this is how it happened. should i be mad at him if this is how it happened? The whole thing is just kinda crazy and makes me wonder what we were doing....sorry if i sound crazy. please don't call me nuts!!!

Ophelia

walkerinthegrey.livejournal.com

So I made a mistake. I was using the body, and Ace's boyfriend was talking to me online. He was talking about past lives, and things, and telling me quite a bit more than he'd told her, so I encouraged him. However, I felt a little guilty, so I stopped just dropping subtle hints and flat-out told him that I wasn't the one he thought I was.
You see, she'd already explained to him about our multiplicity.
But then, the unexpected:
He refused to believe that I was not her, no matter what I said.
I thought he could accept it. I thought he would understand. Hell, so did Ace.
Instead, I'm within an inch of driving over there and shooting him. (Well. I was. I'm a little calmer.) It's just very, very, very frustrating.
What do I do? There's no way I'm going to sit around and stick my thumbs up my ass and deny my own existance.
Hell no.
(Oh. Like my Yule icon? Innit nifty?)

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Emerald Rose - Chicken Raid of Cymru

http://users.livejournal.com/_zephyra_/

This is a topic that has caused me some stress in the past, so I figured I'd ask about it here...

Have (m)any of you had to deal with conflicting relationship/sexual needs of your insiders?

(I'm the main person in here, and I'm a straight female in a female body. Two others inside are straight females, and the third is bi and into all sorts of kinks. We've managed to work out a compromise (in theory) that this body won't be with another female, but that we can each negotiate open relationships with the (male) people we care for. The deal has been in place for a while now, but we are only *now* starting to venture into each having our own relationships, so I no indication on if this is really going to work or not. (What kinks we will allow the forth to do with this body is/are also still being debated))

Thanks for your time...