Space to talk

[pyraxis]

Apologies if I'm out of line here, but I just wanted to create an initial space for people to discuss policy, in an attempt to get debates moved off multiplicity and here into the place that's meant for it. There seem to be a lot of conversations happening on individual journals and it would be good to bring them together.

- Pyraxis

Comments

[tigerweave.livejournal.com]

I would like to see the policy of no trigger-warnings examined. It seemed to me what happened with my cat-macro was most people (I am including people who PMed me about it afterwards too) thought it wasn't anything of concern, but some did, and of those, a few seemed to have been triggered.

I know from my/our experience it is almost impossible to know what is going to trigger you till it has triggered you, and once triggered, you are too busy coping with the stuff it triggered to want to be worried about the way you are coming across to others.

I have always presumed "reader beware" with multiplicity, as even trigger warnings on obvious stuff in other forums don't cover the things that can trigger me.

But... I think it definitely contributed to the initial flare-up. And when people are upset, it is always harder to resolve conflict. I know as a picture it should have been under a cut (my bad.) but it could have as easily been writing that did it.

So yeah... I think that policy needs examining.

Also, nostre_stelle, you said to me not to talk to you again, so I am not posting it directly to a comment of yours, but it is here if you want to read it.

I am sorry for what went down. My initial PM to you was basically to try to clarify where I was coming from and try to ask you to clarify where you were coming from as I was really really unclear and your response had upset me.

I sent my PM to the mods as well, as I said I would, and that was an attempt on my part to make sure whatever communication between us happened privately was kinda mediated. I never heard from any mod on it at all, which really annoyed me. But maybe I was presuming a role from them they weren't prepared to take? I don't know.

Anyway, for the record I wasn't around in Nov. I was traveling and barely able to get online and totally missed the kerfuffle on Mutliplicity then, so I had no idea you had been so upset by any conflict etc then and were feeling victimised. I just honestly DIDN'T KNOW.
My PM to you was absolutely and purely about that post and that first comment you made ONLY.

[tigerweave.livejournal.com]

Another thing I would like to see addressed is the multi-national nature of the community.

I get this in all the forums I have ever been on. Most are US-dominated. Fine, that is the nature of the beast, like it or lump it.
But... there are other nationalities present, and what one person thinks they are saying can quite literally have a different meaning or nuance when read by someone of another nationality. As a member of a couple of purely Aussie internet communities, I NEVER have the trouble "reading" the underlying meaning of other Aussies' words in the way I can do when communicating with people from the US in particular and elsewhere in general.

I know Canadians and UK people too who have found the same problem. Let alone the trouble in meaning with people whose first language isn't English.

This is important when it comes to conflict resolution because it is basically impossible to sort out differences when one person thinks the other is saying something different from what they are, and vice versa.

There is a simple solution, which is to have within the culture (and preferably the rules of the comm) that it is perfectly ok, and NOT a confrontation or trying to inflame things, to be asking for clarification of meaning.

And for the people in the US to be reminded that it cuts both ways - they may be talking to someone from outside the US, and thus what they think they mean may not be at all what they do mean.
For everyone to ask for clarification of meaning, react to the real meaning once you are sure you have it.

Edited to make sense (been a long day)

[theroyalus.livejournal.com]

I just want to point out that it's a mistake to continue referring to the problems in Multiplicity as "bullying." Bullying implies an aggressor and a victim, and phrasing it in this way reduces the culpability of those who jump into the victim role, when in reality they are just as guilty of harassment as the other party.

This is not a school playground, this is war with complicated factions. I'm sick of seeing members of the community play the victim card and avoid responsibility for their own actions.

[jimnightmare.livejournal.com]

I think my suggestion is we maybe need more mods. I think the mods are pretty awesome but we can have good mods and all the good rules in the world and it's not really going to work much if the mods aren't always around. And it seems like kind of a really big and brain-exploding job for only a couple people.

[hushpiper.livejournal.com]

Here's something else I'd like to bring up, prompted by a conversation in the comments above:

There's a bit of a problem when it comes to the question of how a person should react to others. I'll use myself as an example here. Due to past issues, I have serious problems properly handling conflict. More to the point, some things just make me feel angry and threatened, bringing on anxiety attacks, depression, and all kinds of problems. Triggers--most of us have some, and most of the time it's not something straightforward enough to prepare for.

Now, to me it seems that a lot of problems in this community arise from people having difficulty dealing with their triggers. How do you guys think the community at large should deal with it when such things happen? On the one hand, I wouldn't really want somebody in the community to be disturbed by something that we posted. On the other hand, how responsible for their emotions can we really be? And on the third hand, if someone is triggered and begins lashing out and attacking others, how are we to deal with that? Discuss.

[hushpiper.livejournal.com]

Well, I hope nobody minds this, but I'd rather not have to sort through all the random excess that made its way into the thread above, so I'm going to go ahead and re-start this one.

The question: Triggers are a common problem within the multiplicity community, and they often can pop up without warning. A turn of phrase within a comment; a picture; the mention of a name. We can't always predict what will set us off, that's simply human nature. How, then, should the community at large deal with a situation in which someone is hurt and triggered and lashing out?

Some views have already been put forward in the comments above; feel free to reference and compare. It's a complicated issue and I'm very much interested in finding out what others think.