(no subject)

[trinity-system.livejournal.com]

~Phoeboe Gardener~

Well, I know the body is all ready in this community, but Draka doesn't tend to think too much into things...oh well. My name is Phoeboe, and I am one of the alters in Draka's system. That's not her real name, but we have a confidentiality issue right now. I am the arcivist, which means that thus far I alone have been able to track the individual motions of the alters from the island level, which we call Duir. At this moment I'm being flirted with, but since the body has a significant other, I should probably be ignoring it.

That's a real problem with me. We do not have many males in the system, and because I see every movement Draka makes I find myself sometimes lonely for lack of male companionship. Do any of the alters out there have this problem, or is it just me? I shouldn't be jealous, but something her SO said the other day to Draka about Sandra struck me. He said she'd always feel as though no matter what happened, because she was a "personality" she was always second best. He said he didn't feel that, but she has low self- esteem. Can anyone help me with this? It may be out of my character from what most know of me, but I am curious and lonely at this moment.

Isolation in an temple archive does little for the love life.

Comments

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Ummm... none of us are "alters", but yeah, it gets a little lonely and awkward at times. Kír's head-over-heels in love, but due to complicated gender-issues, he and his loved one don't intend to do anything sexual about it. His loved one is my dear friend, totally platonic, but.... this body is healthy and not yet old, so sleeping next to someone so nice sometimes causes desire to stir.

I'm not in a relationship, but I do have a friend who occasionally comes to stay for a night or two - usually chastely, but not always - and then that's lonely and awkward for Kír, who does his best to be oblivious to the whole thing.

Crist-Erui's delighted to have either of these dear people to snuggle with in bed, and doesn't seem to have either much craving for sex nor any objection to it, so apparently he's not having any problem with it. And since both of them know all of us, and are also friends with each other, it's not nearly as awkward as it might otherwise be. It still is somewhat, though - mostly for Kír, who is so *not* a naturally-polyamorous person - but we manage.

I'm not quite getting what you mean when you say "the body has a significant other" - do you mean you all (or some of you) share one SO, or do you mean that one of you claims both the body and the SO while the rest of you are considered subordinate "personalities"? The first option can work, if you all like him and get along with each other well enough to be content with the arrangement. The second, I dunno; sounds like an arrangement that would be likely to engender some pretty major resentment.

Basically you've got a choice between corporeal monogamy with either internal polyamory (all of you sharing one lover) or monogamy for one and celibacy for the rest... or corporeal polyamory that would allow internal monogamy (each of you having his or her own lover.) I realize that may not be a whole lot of help if some of your House want one arrangement and some want another. Anyway, good luck to all of you!

[saturniakitty.livejournal.com]

do you mean that one of you claims both the body and the SO while the rest of you are considered subordinate "personalities"?
That's kind of what it's like with us. I and "the body" have a fiance, but the rest of us aren't subordinate - I'm just the only one that identifies with the body. The others are aware (for the most part) that this is the only physical body they have, but most of them refuse to consider it as their body - to them it's just a body they're using. The couple that actually are interested in relationships are content to keep them online where they can be bodiless (except for Shiori, but I wont get into that.)

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Your mileage may vary, but you might have better luck if you found another way to think of the people in your group other than referring to each other as alters and personalities -- that carries a "second best" feel to it right there (alters as opposed to a "main " or "real" person).

Have we had the problem you describe? Yes. Most of we frontrunners are men, (gay, bi and straight); the body is female. Example of the kind of thing that happens -- we are out to a close female friend, one of us wanted to date this girl, but she said "I'm not a Lesbian." His immediate response, "Well, neither am I." But it didn't get him anywhere with her.

When we were in a relationship with a singlet, some of us had what elenbarathi calls internal polyamory, with him. Now we have a plural SO so there's less of that, but still some, in that several of the people who are in relationships each feel free to see other people, intra-system and inter-system.

[morgil-lomion.livejournal.com]

The last here is roughly what we have. We are married to a woman who is multiple but whose body only houses three major people we or they are aware of(although I personally hold that there are some others and some personality fragments floating around that just haven't come out enough to be noticed yet). We are a medium sized system with at least five to seven members who regularly interact with the outside world. Because of all the members of both systems sexual needs, there is quite a bit of internal polyamory, largely because our wife is very much not open minded when it comes to ideas of physical polyamory(ie. she/they are jealous as hell) and at least a few of us tend to be as well.

Most of the time this works quite well thus far, although there is some frustration among some members who have had their needs overlooked and are too softspoken to voice those feelings to our wife.

Altogether its a very complicated situation but on the whole a happy and healthy one(I think) and I always have been of the opinion that any relationship takes work and while there may be more work in our particular situation, there are also more workers to hold everything together. :)