(no subject)

[celestialscar.livejournal.com]

I wanted to thank all of you for the welcomes and the advice; I really appreciated it all, and some of it was quite helpful.

I've come to the realization that this is probably my fault, somehow........ I think I got so stressed over the appearances of one of the others that I somehow locked them away..... and I honestly don't know how to feel about this.

I feel far more functional and don't worry near so much now that this change has occurred..... but I also feel strange and worried because of the difference. I am so used to feeling them and having them here and I know my husband misses them, as well.

The problem is.... out of the three of us, and I should introduce us now: Rachel (me), Red, and Sullen...... one of us (Red), presents a lot of trouble. I would say that she qualifies for Antisocial Personality Disorder (sorry, I'm a psychology student)..... She appears to not understand shame, guilt, or sympathy and also displays some very unhealthy coping mechanisms. She is often hurtful and manipulative, and has put my husband, myself, and Sullen in a lot of bad places in the past. We could never figure out a way to help her, because no matter what we tried, she would shrug it off. I honestly feel sometimes that she lacks the capacity to understand that others care for her and that what she is doing is wrong......

I was thinking about how I could get them back, and I realized that... if I had the choice, right now, I wouldn't know what to say. I feel partially like I'm living in denial without them..... but I don't have flashbacks or get oddly emotional due to their influence....... and I feel safe because she is not here........... but I don't feel right, either.

I guess this is all just one big rant, and I apologize for that. But I wanted to say that the responses made me think a lot, and I think that my anxiety about her might somehow have affected -us-......... Does anyone else have this problem with one of the others?

Comments

[rabbitsystem.livejournal.com]

I *think* I understand something of what you mean, as I was in that position for a while. In my case I kind of locked the others away for their own protection - it wasn't intentional, it was my natural protective instincts kicking in and saying 'you can't dump this on someone else, they don't deserve to have to deal with it' - not in words, but that was pretty much what I was feeling. It also was a way of simplifying the situation because I was different enough all by myself.
As for it being your fault - it may be your doing, but if it wasn't intentional then I don't think anyone can blame you for it.
Don't be hard on yourself because you are glad not to have to deal with other people's problems. Just try and be fair anyway.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Hmmmmmmm. Glad to meet you by the way, Rachel. Hey!!!! We're sychology students too!!!!!!!! Shakes your hand. As for your problem, we do have our fights and arguments. Which group doesn't? But we talk. If you can get her back, ask her why she does what she does. Shrugs.
Good luck,
Rayvin

[tahaton.livejournal.com]

Maybe an idea is to not try to make her see what she's doing is wrong. Because if she is ill then she is probably not going to be able to understand what you mean, or maybe just not be able to care about it. It's like telling a depressed person they are wrong for crying? But if you tell them that crying is normal for them then maybe you can get her to be more trusting and care more over time about returning the kindness and trying not to put the body in bad situations.

Long ago I might have wanted Sade gone sometimes. And sometimes her problems affect us all. Like you say though. Without her it would not feel right.

People who are ill are hard to know what to do with, we know. All you can really do is try to support them and understand why they do what they do. And hope that eventually they get better or at least try. If she shrugs it off then don't mind. Just stay there so that when she needs/wants you, you are there. People who are ill are probably used to people who give up on them. If you don't, you are a constant. That has value beyond anything, even if she never thanks you properly.