(no subject)

[celestialscar.livejournal.com]

I wanted to thank all of you for the welcomes and the advice; I really appreciated it all, and some of it was quite helpful.

I've come to the realization that this is probably my fault, somehow........ I think I got so stressed over the appearances of one of the others that I somehow locked them away..... and I honestly don't know how to feel about this.

I feel far more functional and don't worry near so much now that this change has occurred..... but I also feel strange and worried because of the difference. I am so used to feeling them and having them here and I know my husband misses them, as well.

The problem is.... out of the three of us, and I should introduce us now: Rachel (me), Red, and Sullen...... one of us (Red), presents a lot of trouble. I would say that she qualifies for Antisocial Personality Disorder (sorry, I'm a psychology student)..... She appears to not understand shame, guilt, or sympathy and also displays some very unhealthy coping mechanisms. She is often hurtful and manipulative, and has put my husband, myself, and Sullen in a lot of bad places in the past. We could never figure out a way to help her, because no matter what we tried, she would shrug it off. I honestly feel sometimes that she lacks the capacity to understand that others care for her and that what she is doing is wrong......

I was thinking about how I could get them back, and I realized that... if I had the choice, right now, I wouldn't know what to say. I feel partially like I'm living in denial without them..... but I don't have flashbacks or get oddly emotional due to their influence....... and I feel safe because she is not here........... but I don't feel right, either.

I guess this is all just one big rant, and I apologize for that. But I wanted to say that the responses made me think a lot, and I think that my anxiety about her might somehow have affected -us-......... Does anyone else have this problem with one of the others?