I'm holding all my blood inside this skin

[ex-khailitha846.livejournal.com]

Greetings to all!

I have a question.

Seems that almost every multiple I know has at one time or another dealt with a self-destructive system member that cuts, or engages in activities that are similarly dangerous to the body. The multiples I know have all been involved in trauma's of some sort (the most interesting one had for a father one of Fidel Castro's ex-bodyguards - serious freakiness there, but I digress).

Since interacting with this community, I have been introduced to the phenomenon of natural multiples, which makes sense to me and, I think, addresses some of the unanswered questions about why many horribly abused kids don't develop DID but use other coping mechanisms. I don't really want this to turn into a big discussion about the natural vs. trauma thing, but I am curious...

How many systems here deal or have dealt with self-destructive members and do you think is this an experience more closely linked with trauma-involved multiples or is it a trait shared equally across the full spectrum of all multiples? +edit: Or, do you think self-harm and multiplicity have no intrinsic connection, given the number of singlets who also engage in self-harming activities.

All comments and experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Sending good vibes to all!

Jess

Comments

[duathir.livejournal.com]

I am not sure how "activities dangerous to the body" are to be defined. In former years my brother frequently put this body in significant danger, not out of desire to harm himself, but because he seemed to either not recognize danger, or not realize the physical limitations of this body. He still often seems not to, but has grown more willing to rely on my judgement or our sister's in such matters, thus he is no longer so reckless.

I also do not know how "trauma" is to be defined. It seems to me that life is intrinsically harsh, and that those for whom it is not are the exceptions rather than the rule. Perhaps much of the current trend in this country toward deliberate self-harm stems from an unreasonable expectation that it should not be harsh. People in other places whose lives are often a great deal harsher do not generally seek to harm themselves; more often their focus is on survival by any means possible.

I sought physical death once, many years ago, that seeming the only reasonable and honorable solution to the dilemma of my existence at the time. It had nothing to do with anger toward my Kin; my anger was toward myself for having failed of my purpose, and I was grieved and confused. Afterward, I was ashamed to have caused harm to my Kin, and resolved not to do so again.

We have always been together, we three; we did not become as we are through abuse. I do not think any of us are "alters", or any one of us is "the core" - what we are is family, and would not choose to be parted from one another under any circumstances. Three bodies instead of one would be more convenient, of course, but since we cannot have that, we are content as we are.

[ex-khailitha846.livejournal.com]

I posted Our definition of "trauma" above. You are right, life is harsh. Culture and history is full of commonplace occurences that society, now, views as harsh or brutal.

"Perhaps much of the current trend in this country toward deliberate self-harm stems from an unreasonable expectation that it should not be harsh."

Processing this... and, in part I think you are right. But, I think another huge factor is that in many of these harsher societies, the experience of the brutality is not denied. In many cultures, very painful and, to us, degrading practices are accepted as part of life and seem to cause very few ill effects in large segments of the population. I think this is because people are basically social (even elves are social... not as strictly hierarchal, and possibly different in other regards, but we do possess an instinct for grouping) and get many of their clues about reality and identity from observing those around them. So, when a life-threatening situation occurs, it is included in and creates no troubling contradiction with the persons social reality, and therefore creates no dilemmas, no paradox, and can be accepted as part of reality.

In Western society as it is currently conceptualized, it seems that so much brutality is denied, swept under the rug, kept secret, that those experiencing molestation, beatings, rapes, neglect, are essentially told to behave as if it wasn't happening, or as if it was their fault. This response to a life-threat offers no resolution for the emotional and physical energy that gets stuck in the body and soul. This response creates a severe split between the "inside" reality and the "outside" reality, and becomes a source of pain and confusion.

Now that I think about it, I wonder if this split between the situation you experienced in the time before and the kind of society and reality in which you find yourself now might not be a huge contributing factor in your own experience of distress and confusion. The dilemma of your existence might be alleviated a great deal if you were in a society which honored and validated your existence, and also honored and valued the paradigm of the culture which you have lost.

Hmmmm...

"Three bodies instead of one would be more convenient..."

How often We've longed for a cloning device that would allow Us to produce enough bodies for those who want their independence, and just let them go and be free.

%I guess straight cloning wouldn't work in your case, as you need bodies with different genders than the one you are in now. If you ever figure it out, let Us know. For more reasons than one *wink, wink*.%

=Be well friend, and pay them no heed if they disturb you. Young girls need to flirt and your sense of honor, regardless of your corporeal situation, means they are safe with you, so permission has been granted. If you are offended, please request them to stop.=

Sending light, dear Duathir!