Finally: A place where I belong =)

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Hey there,

Before I introduce myself, let me just start off by saying I literally had NO hope left for anything before I found this community last night. Reading through everybody's posts and such...god, I almost cried at how relieved I felt. I've read so many "MPD/DID" text books and been to a therapist and blah blah blah...and with the text books I became even more confused, because I didn't seem to fit the "text book" model of being a multiple. I was never abused, me and "my guys" are all conscious of each other, etc. So I thought, "Well, what the hell? Am I lying to myself? Why aren't I like those other multiples?" and my therapist sure didn't help any. SO...yes. This community is probably the greatest thing I've ever stumbled upon. It may have just saved my life. Now, I beleive I owe you all an introduction =)

I guess I'll start with myself:
My name is Laura and I'm 17 (18 in July!!) I have absolutely no idea which personality traits I possess. I guess I know "my guys" better than I know myself. I guess I'd be considered the "Host"...but I don't think that fits my position very well.

My guys:

-Lance: Alright...Lance is a little different. He's actually Lance Bass. From Nsync. Lance came to me when I was in 5th grade (Since I was 10). He's always with me "up front". Always. It's always half him, half me. We stand side by side. And he kind of just lives his own life. He lives in Los Angeles, California, and has his own friends, seperate from my own. He doesn't know about the rest of of my guys, and I don't think he knows about me. He looks like the actualy Lance Bass, and he's interested in most of the things he is. He just turned 28 on May 4th, and what do you know! So did the actual Lance Bass. And oh yeah, he's gay =) He was the first one here...or well, the first one to make himself known, and he's always been my partner in crime, even if he doesn't know it =)

-Noah James: Noah...hmmm, he's a handful, that's for sure. He's 19 and shares my birthday. Although once he turns 20 (In July), I'm thinking he's probably just going to stay 20. He's usually very...angry. He lashes out at my friends on the internet a lot, because he's scared of people getting close to us. He's convinced that no one cares about us, and that everyone lies to us about everything. He's been here for about 2 1/2 years, I suppose. He doesn't talk (Just types on the computer). He rarely makes any facial expressions. He likes to make people uncomfortable when he stares at them. He'll get right up in people's faces and just...stare. He's also gay. He dyes his hair funny colors (My hair has been every color of the rainbow thanks to him). He has a penpal from Russia (We're all learning Russian together), and him and her have been talking for about a year and a half now. Suprisingly, he absolutely ADORES her. I left him in charge of talking to her. He was the second one here, and he's up front pretty regularly with me and Lance.

-London: London is very sweet. Very sweet. He just likes to see everyone happy and getting along. He talks in a very sweet voice and he's very gentle. He's very lean and pale. And...he has no sexual orientation that I know of. Isn't interested in boys and isn't interested in girls. But yeah, he's kind of the "father" figure. Tries to smooth things over when they go wrong.

Joel: Ah, the newest member =) I don't know too much about him right now. Real friendly, I know that. But he's only made himself know...well, maybe a little more than a week ago. I know he has dark brown hair, bright blue eyes, and he's very pale. He enjoys painting, which he proved last night. I think he's going to be fun to have around and I can't wait to see his personality progress over time =)

Sooo...that's them. I could write pages and pages of information (except for Joel), about all of them, but I figured this is long enough as it is =D

Me and my guys look forward to talking with you all and getting to know more about you! As my title says...Finally: A place where I belong.

No longer alone,
-Us

Comments

[thunder-weather.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the community. It's nice to meet you all.

We know what you mean about therapists not helping. Ours certainly doesn't, but we have to keep seeing her.

I hope you enjoy it here. To us it's nice to be around people who understand.

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Thank you, it's nice to meet all of you as well =)

It really IS nice to be around people who understand, especially because I never thought I would get the chance.

I have no doubt in my mind that I'll enjoy it here; I already do! =) Thank you again.

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

Hi here)
nice to meet u here. (if web can be here) my name is Jane, unfortunately i'm singlet but i'm a young researcher striking for healthy multiplicity here, in Moscow (yeah, you can practice your Russian with me either here or via mail or IM.=) in our science very fiew people even believe in multy's existence. and it's my deal.=)
nice to meet u again

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Hi there yourself, Jane =)

Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a singlet...just a different way of living, that's all =)

We would LOVE to practice our Russian with you! Thank you so much!

And good for you for trying to show that it DOES exist. It's good to know that there's people out there on our side.

Thank you again!

[kyouketsusha.livejournal.com]

Welcome. Since you have Lance, you may or may not want to check out soulbonding as well. :)

- Kyou & the other Furies

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks for the link =)
I checked it out and it seems great! I can't wait to join.

Thank you, thank you!

[ex-casteylan314.livejournal.com]

Hi there, and welcome.

With regard to Lance in particular, he may fit in over there: bodybrothers

[thunder-weather.livejournal.com]

I was trying to think of the name of that community, so that I could recommend it. I'm glad you brought it up, since it does seem to apply.

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

Hi...after years of no support, I feel the same way you do. I found this group via a different website, and I'm glad I did. Hopefully, we can get to know each other better. Welcome!

Cheers,

Susanacts

[heyyy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

Welcome guys! =)
You remind me of me a few years back. I went through a couple of therapists who were really bad. Most of them thought that eh, whatever it was it could be covered up with pills. After none of that worked, some of us got pretty hopeless. Thankfully though, we didn't give up. About six months ago we met this amazing therapist who actually specializes in MPD/DID. She's incredible. If it wasn't for her we probably wouldn't be alive right now. My point is, don't give up. If your therapist isn't any help, start looking for others if you're able to do that. Oh, and I just had to tell you this or Aimee would get kinda mad. Manson is amazing. Coma White is one of her favorite songs. =D

We all hope that you like it here!

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!! =D
Hmm..this therapist actually knows what she's talking about? God, I wish my old one would have been like that. It's sad to hear that you probably wouldn't be alive right now...but I can relate so much to that. I'm glad things are going well for you now, though =) Maybe I'll have some luck in the future.
I'm going to try not to give up...I just hope my guys don't give up before me =(

And, Aimee is right! He IS amazing! And I'm always happy to hear that someone loves Coma White just as much as I do =D

Thank you so much, and I really hope we can talk more!

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Hello! Welcome to the community. We understand 100% how you feel. We were never abused either and we don't fit the textbook model..And some groups (like us) don't have a host at all just wanted you to know you're not alone. We're really glad to meet you all!
Rhymers^Davan

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Thanks guys!
Glad to meet someone who's in the same boat as me (and of course, my guys).
It's comforting to know that we're no longer alone and on our own. =)

[lion-azure.livejournal.com]

Hi there :)!

We know about the whole "not fitting the textbook" thing - there's always the lingering doubt that maybe we're all just the host's overactive imagination. Especially since a lot of us grew out of just that, her overactive imagination, starting out as rp characters and then taking on a life of our own (and demanding a part of her brain, haha!). Others have their roots in fiction. So yeah, we're definetly not textbook DID.

So don't worry, we're all mad in here ;)!

- Malak

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Hi, Malak!
As I said to Rhymers^Davan above, it's so nice to be able to talk with people who understand and are in the same boat. For the longest time I was so confused because I couldn't fit myself into the "textbook" model. Now I understand that I don't have to. I am who I am. And we are who we are, imagination or not.

Hoorah for the madness! =D

[redrainstorm.livejournal.com]

Welcome!

We went through a really bad experience of a psychologist who told us we were lying and crazy. I have an alter that was present during it who is still upset over it all and has no trust towards mental health professionals. My current therapist is awesome with us though, and it's gottne his curiousity up enough where he wants to question her. I'm so thankful, without her I don't know where we'd be!

I have a lot of abuse in my background, and I lost time a while back, but I got to be co-conscious on my own with working with my system (which isn't textbook), and I stayed in school/attend college through the whole thing (which isn't textbook) - but my therapist is really open-minded and takes us for who we are, and says "Who cares what the DSM/other psych's say". She rocks. :)

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Thanks!
I can't beleive a psychologist would treat you in such a way! That's awful! At least you have an understanding therapist now. That must be a great feeling =) And I'm sorry to hear about the abuse...I'm thankful where I didn't have any of that, so it just about kills me when I find out other people's stories and they mention abuse. It's so sad =(

But that's amazing how you brought yourself to co-consciousness without any help (Excluding your system, of course =D). Good for you! =)

"Yay" for awesome therapists and a big old "FUCK THEM" for horrible textbooks!

=D

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Hi. It's nice to meet every one. Kalli

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Nice to meet you too, Kalli =)

[threedog.livejournal.com]

Howdy.

[rabbitsystem.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the community. We're a non-trauma system too.

(Not that origin matters much, just that it's always good to hear that somebody is like you.)

[spiral-seeds.livejournal.com]

It's lovely to meet you all!
Ah yes, I know how it is to have therapists not understand you. Many called me schizophrenic and psychotic because of the others who share this body with me.

Funny..one of the main members of our system showed up when I was 10 too.

[liedownlovely.livejournal.com]

Power to being 18 (soon)! My first headmate showed up when I was ten, too. Sadly he is too grumpy to be in a boyband.

We're fortunate - reading all the books about MPD/DID now instead of prior to realizing "I" was a "us". Even reading them when we're confident in our system is difficult. In fact, I just ordered the special edition of Sybil on DVD from the library. I did it when my headmates weren't looking *shifty eyes*. Most books on the subject are downright depressing (at least for those of us who are non-trauma, and probably for those who are too!).

Check out the memories for more entries to give you misty eyes. If you need anything, feel free to talk to us - we lay pretty low around here.

-Rebby
Muses Anonymous

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

"Sadly he is too grumpy to be in a boyband." --

I wish I could say the same for mine =D

"In fact, I just ordered the special edition of Sybil on DVD from the library." --

I'm reading Sybil right now. I've been trying to find the movie...but it's like it doesn't even fucking exist.

Most books on the subject ARE depressing. =( They never really have any material for the "non-trauma". And that pisses me off royally. BUT, what can you do? Nothing.

I'm going to friend you, if you don't mind. You seem pretty cool. Well, you as in "Rebby". Hopefully the others are just as cool. I'll be sure to check out the memories =)

-Laura

[asterism.livejournal.com]

Allo and welcome. :) I agree with the encouragement toward soulbonding. Lately this comm has been much louder/more active than that one, but you may find some common ground there too. We do.

Nice to find that all of this makes sense to others in the world, isn't it?


~Lux

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Thanks!
I plan to go through soulbonding today =)

"Nice to find that all of this makes sense to others in the world, isn't it?" --

Oh, it's something else, that's for sure. I think I'm still in shock =)

[crystalseraph.livejournal.com]

Heya, and welcome to the comm. I'm glad you found a place to come and talk to others.

Like you, I'm a girl in a system of mostly boys, with two that are co-present most of the time. It's an interesting situation to be in xD

Feel free to friend us and chat~

~ Seraph and Tahl

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Well, hey, that's kind of freaky, haha =D
But nonetheless, it's great to meet someone who's situation (sorry, that sounds kind of offensive, haha)is so similar to mine.

And "interesting situation" is seriously an understatment when it comes to "living" with all boys. And to have two, maybe three, whom are gay, to make things even more interesting =D (In my case, at least).

I'll be sure to friend you so we can chat =)

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Привет!

Oh, you moderate soulbonding? Hmmm, well, how about I stop over there tomorrow and see for sure if I'd be welcome or not? =D

It's good to meet you too, and thanks for explaining some of that. I'd love to hear more =)

-Laura

[lb-lee.livejournal.com]

*waves* Hi there! We know the feeling; we got it too! Luckily, we were buffered by thick layers of denial, so before we came here, we never worried about whether we were real or not. We just told each other to butt out, asked each other for help, and tried to kill each other, all while never even considering we might be multiple. Because that would just be plain silly!

Obviously we've reformed. Anyway, we're a small trauma-based system (we think) of four and a dead couch-surfer, and we welcome you!

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

*Waves back* Hello! It seems like you have a rather interesting system going on there, haha ;) Thank you for the welcome and I hope we get to talk more!

-Laura

[freakshownia.livejournal.com]

Hi from us =) A couple of the girls here took their names (or were given names) from anime/manga characters - they're different people, they just have the same name. It can get confusing sometimes since they're not soulbonds. Oh well ^^;;

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

And hello from us =)

Haha, I think regardless if you have soulbonds or fictional characters or WHATEVER, it still gets confusing. I guess it just comes with the territory =)

[cold-ataraxy.livejournal.com]

It's quite nice to meet you. We would have responded sooner, but Alice got herself involved in helping a system we know ... and we didn't have much time.

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

It's quite nice to meet you too =)
The fact that you (and everyone else here) took the time to respond anyways is gratifying enough, so don't worry =)

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

Hullo! How do you do? I'm very happy to have you, and the rest of your group, in the community. As others have said, I think that since you have got a soulbond in your community, it would be helpful to join soulbonding as well as this community.

Richard
Fen Group

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Hi there! I'm fine, and how about yourself? =)
Thank you for the generous welcome.
I plan to join soulbonding in just a few moments =)

Thank you again!

[teh-kerry.livejournal.com]

Nice to meet yous :) I imagine Andy my brother (a dedicated emo) would scream if he met someone from N'SYNC, but welcome to the lot of you anyways.

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much =)
So...Andy would scream as in a "I'd really like to kill you Lance Bass, because you were in a boy band!" type scream?
Or would he scream a happy scream? Haha. Well, either way, it's nice to meet you =D

[colorpanicglass.livejournal.com]

Lance bass...really?