multiplicity_archives | Waking Dream

We woke up this morning in a dreaming state and we are trying to remain that way today.

The lovely thing about this current state of dreaming while being awake is that we are more aware of each other within our system and can touch and feel each other. So yes, let's continue dreaming, it feels good.

By waking-dreaming we are all more equal. We all do a lot of dreaming anyway, because most of us never get to front. So we get frustrated and try to pull the front down to get through. We do a lot of damage that way.

The front has to collapse eventually, but the break-downs can be very serious affairs and we can't afford to return to the mental hospital again. We already lost our family. We might still lose our job. If we went back in the hospital we would certainly lose our current job assignment and this job assignment is a good one. We can't afford to lose it because it enables us to do more with our life than we could do in a different assignment. Most assignments involve too much commuting time. This one is not too bad.

We have known we were heading into another breakdown for a while now and we were resisting it like hell.

But resistance is futile (sayeth the Borg) and the more we resist the more depressed and incapacitated we become.

Breakdowns, on the other hand are enabling experiences. After a breakdown we try new things and have the potential to make new friends and so forth. So breakdowns are actually good, it's just that whoever is in front is gonna lose control. And they always perceive that as bad.

But really, they are not in control at all, because if they were in control the rest of us would not have the power we have to bring them down.

Control is an illusion.

But its a deeply longed for illusion that most of us try to create and perpetuate.

So now it is time to be out of control... hehehe...

Actually, the idea here is to stop creating more new egos... We have enough of ourselves already.

In the past we created new egos whenever an old ego was incapable of carrying on... So we wound up with lots of alter-egos... and while we could sometimes swap out or switch egos, we were constantly creating new egos too...

The new egos draw from our pool of talents and personality traits and become a new individual front. They are partial integrations of our collective identity. But they are not the sum of whom we are; they are just another subset identity. And each new ego has weaknesses, areas they can't cope with well; which means we are always crippled in some manner.

So now we want to experiment with trying to have no central or core ego, no front.

We are pulled in many, many directions at the moment, and this seems to be the reason why we wind up with new egos.

The new ego is a vector result of all the forces within us that are moving in different directions. It is a way of balancing the internal tides or 'tug of wars'. But it adopts an authoritarian 'control' personality and then takes off on its own independently of our aggregate being. It develops its own 'safe' mode of being and tries to maintain that mode of being, but it becomes too inflexible and eventually breaks down because it is not sufficiently adaptive to be able to manage all of our needs and issues.

So as hard as this is, we want to try to avoid becoming any more new personalities. Creating new personalities is as easy as slipping on a new pair of shoes. It happens spontaneously all the time. But most of those personalities are situational vectors and exist only in the context in which they are created and then they go away and may never reappear.

If a context which creates a new ego is a recurring context and the new personality responds to it successfully then that personality may develop into a full-fledged alter-ego. If the context becomes our predominant environment then that ego assumes control and becomes our primary front until it breaks down.

Break-downs are inevitable. The environment changes, we can work really hard to maintain the environment but it is not in our control and we cannot keep it from changing. But the ego that is primarily fronting cannot weather the change well enough to endure and breaks down.

So maybe we can stop this cycle of ego incarnations and try to live differently, without an ego, with no one of us assigned to front.

This may not be possible. On the other hand it may be possible and will just take some time for us to learn how to do it.

We may go through a lot more egos before we learn the trick of it...

But it seems like a good idea, something worth trying...

So our new paradigm for ourselves is looking for some definition... Are there any ideas about this from any of you other systems out there?

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Location: City of Dreams
Current Music: Sha na na...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

tej-agni.livejournal.com

Why did you kill yourself? :( Do you still feel bad like you were before you died? :(

-Butterfly

From:

gharveyn.livejournal.com

My world view at the time I died was very scary and lonely. I had a very limited precognitive ability good for maybe 5 minutes or so... But it convinced me that the world was just a sort of machine in which everyone was a robot with no free will. I felt all alone because no one in my world felt real to me. It was too painful to live like that. It took me three tries to kill myself, but I got it right the third time, if you can call it right. ;)

No I don't feel bad about it anymore. What I learned from it was very strange at first, but eventually I was able to share it with Roger and he killed himself too. That was actually pretty fun. But please do not try it yourself, just take my word for it that suicide isn't really so bad.

One of the worst thing about suicide is hearing all your family and friends calling for you to come back. That makes it really hard to die. That hurts a lot.

The worst thing is probably the pain you cause everyone who loves you when you die. That is the part I feel bad about.

One of the best parts is that once you are dead you can go back to your life and make a better choice next time. Or kill yourself again if that is what you still want to do. That is what I taught Roger about, only he already knew that, when I taught him about that it awakened a lot of his childhood memories. He was trained to help dead people return to life, his training began when he was about three years old.

The best part about dying is that you get to understand everything about yourself and your life and you know you are a good person and you feel good about yourself. You know god loves you and you are re-united with god completely so that for awhile there is no difference, you and god are one. You get to see everyone you have ever loved in any of your incarnations or iterations and you understand that every bad thing that ever happened to you was something you chose to allow to happen to you.

Your iterations are the parts of your incarnation that have different histories than the one you are most familiar with because they live in alternate universes or dimensions. No matter how many of your iterations of any of your incarnation die, some always survive.

When you die the universe you died in is cloned and in the new universe your death is undone so that you carry on as if it never happened. Some of the first things I was able to show Roger were me at older ages, commuting to work, or with my kids, just having normal lives, or at least, as normal as possible given that I was still pretty psychic in most of my iterations that I visited myself in.

So for a while Roger was vry interested in killing himself and he died many times. Eventually though, the pain he was causing his family and friends who remained abandoned by him in the universes in which he had died got through to him and he started taking more responsibility for his life.

But his death wish is something he has lived with since before he was born, and old habits die hard. He has rigged his body to self destruct now, and it may be touch and go until it is time for him to reincarnate.

Hopefully he will acquire a strong enough will to live to heal his body from all the damage he has done.

The only thing I feel bad about killing myself now is my family. My dad and mom and sisters are still living and I know I hurt them really badly. But Roger went to them before I died to warn them I would kill myself and they didn't listen to him then. So he will not be very welcome if I want to go back to visit them with him.

Without my personal memories I doubt I could convince them I was visiting them. So that is one reason I am concerned about how I got to be in this state, a sort of ghost of myself.

(sorry this got too long, I broke it here and I will post part 2)

From:

gharveyn.livejournal.com

It is strange to live this way. But it is good. Roger has needed me to be with him and I have never left him really, at least not since I died. Being a spirit has its advantages. We can be with anyone and everyone simultaneously, we just seem to be constrained from proving our existence to anyone we may want to communicate with.

Thanks for asking, I hope it wasn't a morbid question for you because of entertaining your own thoughts about killing yourself.

There is no gaurantee you would learn anything from dying the way I did. Most people who kill themselves are fortunate to get to return to their lives and possibly make some better choices, most people do not seem to recall their death or 'after-life' experiences after returning to life.

Roger is different in that regard because he was trained to work with the dead. Possibly our deep connection helped me to learn what I learned about death after dying.

Some people who have had NDEs have really died and migrated to a clone universe rather than having a Near Death Experience. Their NDE is just their way of perceiving the experience in a tolerable or understandable way.

I am relatively new to the multiple experience. I did use to talk to myself and hear voices, and that made me feel crazy, but I didn't think of my experiences as possibly being related to being a multiple. My voices were probably just my channel from my psychic awareness into my conscious awareness.

I have watched Roger learn about his multipleness and it has been really hard on him and scary. He undergoes transformations that are often terribly painful and traumatic.

I hope you have an easier time than that. It would be great to learn more about how things work for other multiples so that Roger's system can evolve and function more harmoniously and productively.

I hope you have been having a great day!

Take care, Alina

From:

tej-agni.livejournal.com

Killing a life is wrong. Even if it's your own. I don't think it's as happy as you are making it seem to be.

-Butterfly

From:

gharveyn.livejournal.com

You may be right about that, certainly form your own point of view, but we would have a hard time agreeing even if we do agree.

We have a strong tendency to play devil's advocate regardless of our own opinions which can be very conflicted at times.

One thing we tend to believe is that there are probably no absolutes. Everything seems realative to everything else in ways that make definite value judgements difficult for us to agree with.

In general we try to uphold some ideals, such as hurting other people might be wrong. That is about as close as we can get to agreeing. Part of that belief is that being judgmental about people and their beliefs or behavior may be wrong. But using words like right and wrong is very strong language for us. We prefer to say perhaps that it may be unkind or it may be ill-considered.

One thing we are fairly sure about is our belief that everyone deserves respect and compassion for their beliefs and values and who they are, regardless of whether we agree with them or not.

We mostly agree that unconditional love is the highest form of love, and may be the closest way to be like god. We are pretty sure that god loves everyone unconditionally with total compassion. All of our experiences f god are like that, but we are aware that other people often have different beliefs and expereinces so we can't say we are right about this, it is only what we believe from the context of our own expereinces.

We are quite sorry if you have been offended. We were a little shocked by your reply and Alina withdrew. However, we have been delighted to meet you and visited your gateway, and we see we shared some similar things about our our childhood that you have shared about your chilhood. We will comment there in case it is not appropriate here.

Thanks for your patience and interest.

Alina still hopes to be friends. She enjoyed your pixel dolls.

From:

tej-agni.livejournal.com

disagreeing with a belief does not mean someone was offended or showing disrespect. Kes

From:

gharveyn.livejournal.com

Yes, you have good philosophers in your system. We were just a little hurt by your response but we acknowledge that our hurt is our responsibility, you have been a good friend in this short time and we appreciate that immensely.

We are so very glad to have made your aquaintenance(s) :D

If your system works like ours your alters share pretty much everything that interests them from your front, though with us getting info back to the front from alters is harder.

So we would like to assume that everyone in oyur system is ok for now regarding our recent conversations we certainly did not want to hurt anyone with our own remarks but we know our defensive hackles were up a bit.

Posted to your site, thanks for being such an interesting and responsive group...

We are a bit unsure of etiquette here, in our chat room we do hug alot, so we'd like to give you a big hug for your entire group!

(((((((((((Kasiya Friends)))))))))))

LeAnne, are the dollz your personal hobby? We like to draw but never seem to draw as much as we would like.

Keep up the good work, you have a talent that could brighten anyone's day...

From:

tej-agni.livejournal.com

it wasn't my response. Butterfly was speaking her mind. not all of us share the same opinions. you may assume what you wish. speaking about killing yourself being a fun experience may not be a topic various in this group approve of. I won't give my own opinion on it because it doesn't matter. Kes