Wait, we're NOT being ourselves?

[vinik.livejournal.com]

Hi everybody.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this here, but maybe something good or at least interesting will come out of it.

At first, a brief update for those who happen to have seen previous posts from us: We decided to leave certain bad things behind that happened with a social worker during pregnancy. We have so much going on that we really don't have the time or the ability to deal with any possible. And what's going on is good. I just hope that lady learned her lesson through our example.

Anyway, the actual topic:

Have any of you noticed that during times of serious life transition, the way your system deals with everyday matters, even your sense of identity begins to change too? Before we had our son, we wrote this essay about how we wanted to deal with being plural as he grows up. I'm not saying we've totally cast off our ideas from that essay, rather that we seem to be having some form of system adaptation that doesn't fit completely in with what we originally proposed. I guess it's true that you don't know what you'll be like after having a baby until after you actually have the baby. 'lol'

In short, some of us have started to blur together as we co-front. We didn't realize how much we'd changed as a system until our spouse said that we should be letting more people out around the baby...but there have been lots of us out around the baby. We are co-fronting so effectively that some of us have become symbiotically empathic. It's like having twins who finish each other's sentences, but there's like 6 of us who do that. So I'm a tad confused here. There are others who still distinctly come to the front who do not feel the sense of blurring, but they particularly have noticed that they don't really recognize who's saying or doing what when the 'blurring' folk are at front. Some have began addressing the 'blurred' as if it was a system in itself.

There is an air of anxiety about the whole thing, because at times if somebody is angry or upset it has become more difficult to target the individual having the problem and deal with it appropriately. We are hoping that as we continue to change that we will adapt to the situation as we have before with other challenges. On the good side, there seems to be more of a sense of togetherness, compassion, and understanding. The flow of action has improved, and we have less hesitation. I just don't know what to tell our spouse because he thinks we are trying to hide people when that's not happening at all. I don't want him to assume that we are integrating either, because we aren't.

I don't know if this makes any sense, but some feedback would be nice.

(EDIT: I do believe the word that was to follow 'possible' was the word 'crap', but for some reason there was no word typed there at all. Haha!)

Comments

[shandra.livejournal.com]

We've found something similar - I wouldn't say we're having the problems recognizing each other so much, but when it comes to being around Noah, we're /so/ agreed on it that our similarities outweigh our differences.

Also taking care of a baby is new for everyone so we've learned together.

I don't know, I find it kind of nice and relaxing. I experience it sort of like being in a creative groove like writing or whatever - we're just so in the moment, we're not back-chatting to each other or dithering off on our own agendas.

When we're totally not parenting and off having brunch with a friend or something, and suddenly we're not all wanting to be there! with! Noah!, it goes back to old-normal pretty quick.

Hope the feedback helps. :)

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

In the past we all related to the world from behind a filter. The
filter created something of a consistant presentation. When we
moved to Virginial DC area from the Catskill mountains the filter
was able to survive for about 18 months after which it was unable
to deal with the stresses of our situation here and dissapeared
leaving all of us to deal with the world on our own separatly.
This was a very difficult happening. Now we are working together
and cooperating well, but other stresses (a very sick friend) have
put us through changes again and we see some occasional bits of
something very much like our old filter.

[chaostiny.livejournal.com]

When I had my second child, I noticed a blurring together of those fronting. It didn't matter who was out, if there were more than one, they blurred. One time, during the night, there was only one out and the baby would not calm down until there were 5 out who were blurred. It's almost like she sensed there were things missing... Now it's become part of the natural essence of who we are... if we need to be totally convincing and complete, we blur. If we don't need it we don't do it. It took a while to figure out how to control it, but in our case we just put a button on the wall that says BLUR... and if we need it, we use it...

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

There's a "mode" we kind of lock into when around friends or family, where all the fronters kind of blur together into this agreed-upon presentation. It was something we needed to do to save our skin for years, to avoid being busted for "strange behavior" and keep out of doctors' offices, psych wards, etc. Our entire life in a nutshell has been trying to balance our truth with what others around us wanted to see, while keeping as much of our integrity as possible (unfortunately, we didn't always keep as much of it as we would have liked). Since no one in our family knows about us and we don't feel comfortable telling, we still, instinctually, go back into that "identity blur" whenever speaking to any of them.

[eruditeboredom.livejournal.com]

We've experienced the "blur-mode" too. Our friends have been saying we ("I", actually) have gotten a hell of a lot kookier in the past year. In some regards, yes, I (Windi) have gotten fucked mentally by a severe closed-head trauma. And for some reason, it's hindered our ability to blur. I seem perfectly sane when we co-front. But when's its just me, even though I'm the core, everyone thinks I'm being normal me.

haha. suckers.

[jhelai.livejournal.com]

Yes. We think we understand perfectly. Although our transition to co-fronting as a single mind came early, as we went from child to adult, accepting and respecting a symbiotic inner balance. As we never fully understood our nature while younger, we never found names to describe eachother with, and as such names have never become necessary. We function as one while fronting, and although we are always blurred to some extent, we have no fear of losing our individuality. Once, we were unsure of how much we could share our counciousness without going cracy. But we've found peace in this state, and have continued to exist as one outwards.