Relationships, SO's, and Sexuality

[http://users.livejournal.com/_zephyra_/]

This is a topic that has caused me some stress in the past, so I figured I'd ask about it here...

Have (m)any of you had to deal with conflicting relationship/sexual needs of your insiders?

(I'm the main person in here, and I'm a straight female in a female body. Two others inside are straight females, and the third is bi and into all sorts of kinks. We've managed to work out a compromise (in theory) that this body won't be with another female, but that we can each negotiate open relationships with the (male) people we care for. The deal has been in place for a while now, but we are only *now* starting to venture into each having our own relationships, so I no indication on if this is really going to work or not. (What kinks we will allow the forth to do with this body is/are also still being debated))

Thanks for your time...

Comments

[storyteller2001.livejournal.com]

ok. our turn. :)

relationships and sexuality are stressful. though for us it seems that a lot of the stress involved right now is due to scheduling issues.

yes, there are several hundred of us. and yes, there's one body. not a real great thing when there are lots of people who want time.

as a system we identify as bi. though pam was probably much more bi than most of us are, but she's been gone for several years. (that's a long story) our identity as bi feels very important to us and since there's not just one of us or just one who is "the host" and there all the time, identifying as something more limiting than that just doesn't feel right. though as someone mentioned earlier, that is limiting in and of itself.

in our system, there are boys/girls/men/women/both/other/non-gendered etc people and others. pretty much running the gammut of sexual orientation. (though i'm not aware yet of anyone who identifies as an entirely gay boy/man.) though we have by no means met everyone yet. there are many who are not interested in sex at all, many who are terrified by it, and a bunch who enjoy/want it. there are some who play with bdsm, and some who take it a bit more seriously. tops, bottoms, and switches.

the protectors have stepped in and said we are not allowed to bottom/sub at this point (they decided that years ago, and have not lifted it yet) the one exception to this is to allow some mild bottoming from one person who is a 16 year old girl and extremely sexual. their reason for allowing it from her is that she is not a bottom or sub by nature at all. it's something she's willing to play with b/c it's something her boyfriend sometimes likes/needs and she enjoys it when she does, but it's very "surface" for her and she has a strong enough sense of self that it is not going to harm her or the system. the protectors have also set a couple of other rules of things we are not allowed to do with anyone (including ourselves). they don't step in and make rulings invovling the outside world very often. only when they feel it's absolutely necessary. and if they think it's important enough for them to step in about it, it sure as hell needs to be listened to.

our life partner is also multiple and we are poly. there are over 20 individual relationships between our systems. some of these are poly (i.e. the person involved in one system, might be involved with more than one person in the other, or with one or more in the other and one or more in their own) and we are externally poly as well. (can be involved with people in external bodies) all of this takes a lot of negotiating and scheduling is EXTREMELY difficult. noone feels like they get enough time.

*sigh* now this is really too long.

sorry.

storyteller (jim, toni, jill, and others)