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multiplicity_archives*sigh* Might as well ask, since it's been a problem for ages, even though I don't like showing weakness..
I've been the primary fronter for a very long time - three and a half years now. They made me, I guess you could say, to stay in charge of things, which I am doing. From the moment I was born and awake I was in charge and couldn't escape it (which was hard). If someone switched out it was only for a short time. Everyone decided on this and worked together to make it happen that way because they weren't able to handle various things that were going on in our lives and made someone who had enough context-sensitive "good parts" to be able to handle what was going on. (Specifically, they needed a girl in front and there weren't any in the system.)
Anyway, the problems have passed and now we all want to have a normal system where everyone shares time pretty much equally. (That's what normal would be for us right now, anyway.) Thing is, it's hard! *Really* hard! It's hard for others to stay out and it's hard for me to let them stay out. We made this rule, me and the others in our council, that if I didn't let someone out in the space of two days they'd be let out for three hours and I couldn't stop them. That worked, as in someone came out and I couldn't help it, but I was going SO crazy from not having fronting control that the council held an emergency session and had me back in front in ten minutes or so. The poor girl who ended up coming out was also pretty stressed out by the situation and is still recovering.
I have no idea what to do. We have no idea what to do. I'm not used to being in the back, and they're not used to being in the front. I'm scared, they're scared, and nobody's equipped or strong enough to be able to stay out for any extensive period of time. I thought that if we kept doing it, it'd get easier, and it did, but the habits are so strong that it's almost impossible to keep with it. Eventually I forget, stop thinking about it, and then I don't grow or change at all.
Anyone ever had a problem with having had a monopoly and then having to figure out how to get rid of the old habits? Any suggestions? o.x
I've been the primary fronter for a very long time - three and a half years now. They made me, I guess you could say, to stay in charge of things, which I am doing. From the moment I was born and awake I was in charge and couldn't escape it (which was hard). If someone switched out it was only for a short time. Everyone decided on this and worked together to make it happen that way because they weren't able to handle various things that were going on in our lives and made someone who had enough context-sensitive "good parts" to be able to handle what was going on. (Specifically, they needed a girl in front and there weren't any in the system.)
Anyway, the problems have passed and now we all want to have a normal system where everyone shares time pretty much equally. (That's what normal would be for us right now, anyway.) Thing is, it's hard! *Really* hard! It's hard for others to stay out and it's hard for me to let them stay out. We made this rule, me and the others in our council, that if I didn't let someone out in the space of two days they'd be let out for three hours and I couldn't stop them. That worked, as in someone came out and I couldn't help it, but I was going SO crazy from not having fronting control that the council held an emergency session and had me back in front in ten minutes or so. The poor girl who ended up coming out was also pretty stressed out by the situation and is still recovering.
I have no idea what to do. We have no idea what to do. I'm not used to being in the back, and they're not used to being in the front. I'm scared, they're scared, and nobody's equipped or strong enough to be able to stay out for any extensive period of time. I thought that if we kept doing it, it'd get easier, and it did, but the habits are so strong that it's almost impossible to keep with it. Eventually I forget, stop thinking about it, and then I don't grow or change at all.
Anyone ever had a problem with having had a monopoly and then having to figure out how to get rid of the old habits? Any suggestions? o.x
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no subject
Date: 2005-11-18 01:25 am (UTC)i personally have trouble giving it up.
we use alot of tricks to try to regulate switching.
-trigger abuse. a number of us have natural triggers, we abuse those. candy can be 'summoned' by playing loud music, synch can be summoned by thinking about logic puzzles. we've also had luck reprogramming our triggers.
-wanting it. its easier to front if you want to front, its easier to 'throw' if you want someone else to front.
-clothes. take ownership of clothes, and wear them appropriately.
-purpose. it might rattle people to say this, but get people up, figure out what people are particularly good at or enjoy, and make it their thing. have them handle it at least most of the time.
Another thing, keep in mind it may not necessarily vital to your overall systems health to have everyone fronting. if it never happens, plenty of perfectly content systems have solo fronters, so dont feel like a failure or nothing.
good luck
-Lovecry
no subject
Date: 2005-11-18 10:19 pm (UTC)*giggle* Want Selene to front? Play bizarre Finnish music at high volumes! The problem is, now *I* have a hard time keeping front when it's on! Grrrrr!
-clothes. take ownership of clothes, and wear them appropriately.
We have an, uh *COUGH* clothes vs no clothes rule for at night to prevent any confusion from our partner. It was meant to become an indication for him, and has become a trigger. Same problem as above, we now can't swap without serious head explodey!