hm...

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

thank you to everyone who responded to the entry i did over here... i did read everything, i have a habit of just absorbing things, and keeping my thoughts to myself. but i am appreciative.

the one without a name in me seems to just hate the idea of more change. she (used loosely, i don't think of her with any real gender... save for her voice, and attraction to my boyfriend) gets upset with small changes, and it affects me also... so i realize that the stress that i felt then, probably was brought on by her, if only in part.

the boyfriend and i did try a second time for a kiddo (no luck on that, but at least i didn't LOSE one either) but have agreed to not actually try again for a while. since we're a LDR, it's not that big of a problem. :)

as for trying to get permission (or whatever... not sure the right word to use here) from my inners... one (Su) doesn't seem to care either which way, she just doesn't want me sad again. the one without a name won't even talk to me about it. i THINK she'd be more likely to talk about it with my boyfriend though. there's probably an even higher chance she'd talk with an ex of our's (yes, she was with him too) if he got the chance to be the father. ugh. so yeah, this is going to be touchy for a while, but at least i've got some ideas on how to handle things. just a LITTLE bit more than before. :)

as for the chance of it possibly being a health thing in general... i know it is. my doctor told me that it's very rare i'll ever concieve (um, again, obviously), and even less possible that if i DO manage to, that i'll ever go full term. hence the need to figure this out before not too long. :/

thanks for listening to me again. i must seem whiny and stuff, which i didn't intend... sorry if i offended anyone.

Comments

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

no offence, no perception of whining. it is a complicated thing, and people shared a lot of worthwhile thoughts and experiences.

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

:) thank you! i worry so much about how people think of what i say, since what i write matters a lot to me. such a paranoid little thing i am.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

You posted a question which was on topic, asked a legitimate question, expressed concern about self and others, and engaged in reasonable speculation. Nothing whiny or offensive about that.

Again, an offensive post is one which insults others or denigrates their perception of reality (e.g., "You're all mentally ill and in denial about it"). Whether or not one is whining is a matter of subjective judgment, but I seriously doubt that you were perceived as whining.

"as for trying to get permission (or whatever... not sure the right word to use here) from my inners..."

The word you are looking for is, I believe, consensus.

You may wish to consult an alternative health practitioner, perhaps a specialist in traditional Chinese medicine. Yoko Ono and John Lennon had been told by Western doctors that she would not be able to have children, but they received a fairly simple regimen from a Chinese specialist which allowed them to have Sean.

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

well, like i said (i think) i'm just very nervous and paranoid. if you didn't see that, then nevermind :)

thank you! my grasp on certain words when it comes to being around here is flawed. mostly from dealing with everything on my own (basically) for as long as i can remember.

i'll note that to my boyfriend. he's worried about us not being able to have kids in the future, maybe even more than me. so any possibilities should cheer him up. :)

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Dealing with everything on your own is highly commendable. I suggest you obtain a dictionary and a thesaurus. I don't know what I'd do without them.

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

well see, i use a lot of words in the right way, i just think that around here... some things are different?

my brain's on vacation, it likes weekends more than me. :)

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

I'm curious. What's different? Do you mean that in this community, some words are used in ways you're not accustomed to? Or are you referring to other people in your system contributing to your posts (which is fine)?

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

in the community, words are used that i'm not used to. i keep forgetting i gotta be careful how i talk, even just in my last comment back.

i don't think any of my others have ever posted anything... they seem to talk to very specific people. :/

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Is this an issue that could be helped by a glossary (http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/glossary.html)? (Note that these are only suggested terms, and we are always on the lookout for more and better ways to express the experiences of multiplicity)

I'll be happy to help out with anything you are concerned about or don't understand. Jay is also particularly good at language in relation to social and cultural issues. You can email any of us, at; ksol1460 at livejournal dot com.

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

that should help, thank you! :) and i'll e-mail lots if i get ultra lost... as tends to be the norm. hee. :D

[westly.livejournal.com]

And if that doesn't work for you, please dont' forget the alternitive!

Adoption!

Best of luck with all!

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

oh, that's always an option in the end, we'd just like to try for our own first. :D at least for a few more years, anyway. :)

[westly.livejournal.com]

Glad you've got it in mind anyway. ::Grins::

It really hurts my feelings when people go NOooo! Not MY FLESH AND BLOOOOD!

I'm not adopted, but several of my friends are...and seeing the pain on their faces when they're called less than human because they 'don't know' their liniage really does hurt.

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

aww, no, i've never thought like that. my best friend growing up was adopted (by his own aunt... ehhh, not so much the same, whatever :P) and a friend of my sister's... if anyone else around me, i don't know, since i'm quite the loner. :)

personally, i'd be really happy to NOT know my background. alas, i sound just like 3 other members of my family, and get mistaken for my mom even when i'm in cities where i never realized she'd been to. XD

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

Known more than a few families who adopted and found mama to be pregnant less than a year later. Bodies are very mysterious that way. :)

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Yes, one doesn't go rushing to the window looking for the bright star in the east, as Lawrence Block once said.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

As an orphan, I second, third and fourth that! :) (No, I'm not plural, merely enthusiastic!)

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

hee hee, you made me really smile. and considering i'm sore from walking for over 5 hours, that's quite the feat. :D

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

My pleasure.