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[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

The first two paragraphs are coppied from our journal.

In my dream, the darkness flooded my eyes, and I screamed for my mother, and I had no voice. There were demons choking me, and twisting my body. And I just kept screaming without my voice, trying to clear my vision and make my body stop hurting. And all the while, it was as if I were in two places at once. As if I were in my kitchen, and yet still aware of my sleeping body. But before I had that dream, I swear I was having an OBE. I couldn't feel my natural body but i was well aware of my physical one. And I seriously think It was Rya who gave me the nightmares, I think she fronted and put her fear into, either that or she just put herself into the nightmares.

Now I know I asked for the nightmare, but I never expected I'd have it, and though I'm sort of glad I had it, I guess it was selfish of me. Since they shared the fear with me, and even though it didn't touch Azi or Lupa, it scared the bloody hell out of Joselyn, made Rya cry in a corner and caused Kris turmoil and terrors. So now, I feel terribly guilty and self anger.

My question is, has anyone ever done something that resulted in unintetnionally causing turmoil to another in your system by accident? And also this questions been attacking me lately. When you first discovered your were a multiple, did anyone ever have trouble in time management, allowing each some time to front, or alteast co-front? I guess my fear is that something bad will happen to the body if I let them have full control, >_< I know that makes me sound like a horrible person, but I fear for this body. Any advice? Sorry for the choppiness. It's like...1:40am and I'm still feeling a bit fuzzy.
Again thanks for giving us a place to ask questions,
-Kira


-Sistema di Raziel

Comments

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

My question is, has anyone ever done something that resulted in unintetnionally causing turmoil to another in your system by accident?

Although I'm not sure if this is the kind of answer you're looking for, I caused a great deal of inadvertent harm to others in the system, back when I was the "main" front, by trying to pigeonhole people into specific "roles." Even though I didn't believe that they all represented parts of myself, I still kept acting as if everyone needed to have a clearly defined role in order to be valid. There was someone who didn't want to speak to me for a long time because I had her defined as the "creative person" at one point, which she felt was inaccurate and exploitative. A couple of people got shoved out as being "not real" based on the fact that they couldn't front. I really didn't start out intending to hurt or belittle anyone, but it caused some strife to others nonetheless.

[echoesnspectres.livejournal.com]

Argh... Mina is doing that same thing. I'm sure she doesn't mean to, it's more like a compulsion. Always the "who are you, who are you, what sort of person are you"... I'll figure out the answer to that question for myself first, thank you very much.

[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

*vein* Ah, I got to make sure I don't do that to Kris. I can be to pokey sometimes but I got to remember he has personal boundries, just like any person, and that he's in such a frail state as it is.

And thanks sethrenn, your answer was fine. Through other peoples experiences and advice I learn to either be more cautious or more open to who they really are. Thankies. ^_~

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

Causing turmoil? Oh yes. When the walls between you start coming down, turmoil is the least of it. People start remembering things they tried to forget and they look back with new perspective on past events. The emotions, they're like facing tidal waves in a rowboat. It does get better.

Spend some time with your hurt ones and find out what soothes them - keep those things around and use them. It shows you care and helps them. Several of ours with ptsd find lavender calming so we keep lavender scented things around. Some of our kids have favorite toys.

We've had some time management problems, especially when how we interact among ourselves changes. People waking up can cause gaps until everyone's talking. Remind people to note what happens in your logs, shared memory, or whatever you use. If you let someone you're worried about front, have one or more of you co-front.