needing some kind of recognition

[ruth-sedina.livejournal.com]

ive never posted here before. i dont know if i have MPD or any other related 'disorder' or not. i do not have a diagnosis as it was felt unhelpfull by my clinic. i've been out of hospital a year now. but i and some of my friends have thought for a while that i may have some form of personality disorder. basicly i'm posting now cos i feel like shit. i feel so torn and confused. i try so hard but i dont know what ive said or done half the time. my 'mood' changes so readily.
i've just spent over a year trying my best to get this whole mpd idea out of my head and have now become used to refering to us as 'i'. it was helpful for a while to try to get out of the frame of mind of mpd but now i dont know who i/we am/are. i used to know when i had switched now i just wander around in a dazed and confused state, vaguely aware of personality change. i can have a hazy recolection of others actions, but they feel the same as my *very* vivid dreams. i dont know what else to say right now, i just feel so fucked up. im hoping to find someone who knows whats going on, though i guess thats a long shot, since no one knows me. i've never had the chance to talk to people with similar mind sets. i just wanna know that someone understands and wish i could understand it better myself. because i dont know if these personalties are real or just some stupid creation of my own. i'm sure i'll be posting more soon, i was directed to this community some time ago but was a little scared to do anything.

Comments

[moonfroggy.livejournal.com]

sometimes i wonder sorta the same thing, when i do my freinds who know some of the others tell me that they have talked to them and they seemed real to them, and that they don't see how i could have made them up, i wish i could he more helful, i'm glad you posted to this comunity though

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

My motto is "if it works, I get to do it". In other words, if you felt better when you thought of yourself as multiple, then I think it's probably best to go back to thinking that way, and work on getting your various people to co-operate so that you can function well enough for day-to-day purposes.

[ruth-sedina.livejournal.com]

uhuh that sounds sensible to me. i have felt better both with and without the label of multiple. i had a really bad phase when there was just constant noise and shouting and arguing in my head. and i have had phases where it was ok and we all got along and helped each other to remember things and that. but now it is a little confusing and we have to begin to work out how to function together again. it is quite hard but im sure we will be fine in a while. but just for now it is difficult. i do think i will go back to the view of being multiple since it just makes more sense and it seems impossible to deny it. i hope this is making sense because i am on heavy painkillers at this minute, so i'm a little away with the fairies.

[36.livejournal.com]

http://www.topica.com/lists/uk-multiple/

[ruth-sedina.livejournal.com]

thank you both, you are very kind. not sure what else to say actually. um... i'm glad that there is some people somewhere who kinda know where i'm coming from.

recognition

[bioengineer.livejournal.com]

I have never come across anyone who wondered about being multiple who was not dissociated enough, for some reason or other, to be somewhere in the MPD or DID realm. And I have known several people who are clearly in the realm. For me, coming to terms with being multiple was very hard, and it took a lot of time, largely because, for most of my life, I could never find anyone with whom I could share what was happening within me.

For me, being able to describe my experiences and such allowed me to find a sense of wholeness, through becoming co-conscious and not integrated, that has made my life now vastly more enjoyable than it was before.