hey ^_^;

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

i just joined... maybe... 20 minutes ago? :/

i'm glad i found this (by odd coinsidence, too) community today... i need some major help...

my... others, like my boyfriend was saying today, tend to go dormant unless i'm in trouble, then they speak up, a lot.

anyway... today the boyfriend was yelling at me, telling me he doesn't trust me. then he turned around, and said he just doesn't trust the 'others inside of me'... :/

i told him they've left him alone for the past month or so, and why is he freaking out now... so i don't know what to do...

this isn't something i want to lose... he and i were looking to marriage (even though he's had sex with one of the others ~_~;) in the not-to-distant-future...

he accepts they exist, but i guess he's scared they're going to do something against him. we know all his passwords for everything, which he's taken to changing... he has cheated on me before, so i'm worried about THAT too.

guh, it's just one big mess. as if i needed more things to deal with :/

there's not a lot of us. only 3 that ever really talk to him. so it's not like he's up against some big army or anything either. though one is scary enough that she even scares me (call her a she, but she doesn't really have any gender...)

any advice would be nice..

Comments

a singleton perspective

[retinalscan.livejournal.com]

First about the cheating: if you know he has cheated on you with another physical person, whether you should stay with him or not depends on a few factors. Have you two openly discussed this occurrence and come to a mutual understanding? Do you still harbor resentment towards him about this occurrence? Has he fully accepted what he did as wrong and pledged not to do it again? After having an open discussion with your boyfriend, only you can make the ultimate decision of whether or not to stay in this relationship.

With regards to his relationship with you as a singleton with a multiple, this seems to be a complex and thorny issue, so it would be best to approach it with the utmost care and patience. Remember that a relationship between two lovers is also a relationship between two equals. You must both have equal respect for each other's perspective and both be striving towards a place of truth and honesty. Since he is your lover he should feel comfortable raising concerns that he has; this means that he should not be shunned or pushed away just because he raised a concern. It's understandable that he would be suspicious of the 'others inside of you', especially if all your own feelings of doubt, anger, or sadness are solely expressed by those others and not the "you" that he's used to. You should explain to him, to the best of your ability, how you function. How each of your inner people relate and express themselves to make up the totality that is you. If you are both able to talk to each other freely and openly like this, the next step is for both of you to work at being the best you can for the other. Neither one of you should be the only one making concessions for the other, it takes equal effort from both people to sustain a healthy and loving relationship.

Re: a singleton perspective

[ex-mushroom784.livejournal.com]

we did have a deep conversation, and he promised to break off ties with the girl in question. whenever she gets mentioned (by me, or someone else) he gets really defensive though, and it makes me sad, and he gets upset that i would be sad that he worries for her. ugh. :/ i don't know... all today i've been giving this some deep though, and am thinking maybe he does have a problem with ME, and not the others... he just didn't want to... make me upset more. i don't know. i'm ranting everywhere, ah, sorry. :/

he's known about how i am, and how we are, for well over a year now. he's even considered the fact he might be a multiple too... only he's really surpressed. it's kind of scary to me, that he doesn't want to be himself. themselves. whichever. i'm new to so much, in way of talking to same-thinking people.

for the equality, i understand that much. thank you. really. :)