Our Introduction & a Question or Three
Jun. 15th, 2005 06:42 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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multiplicity_archivesHey.
My name's Jem, writing on behalf of Haven, our house. I only discovered our multiplicity in earnest about six months ago, though our (previous) primary from birth had suspected it a few years ago and some of us have known all along. We believe ourselves to be a "natural" multiple, with many of us present from birth, since we have no memories of abuse or severe trauma to speak of . . . It also just "feels right". We're comprised of eighteen currently-known residents, most of whom are female, and we have an energy vampire and rain fae living with us, too. ^_^
Basically we've just been working on communication/interaction (we're co-aware most of the time, now! yay!), learning to share the body (I... tend to get in the way of that. *control freak*), and reconnecting with some of the those who've been back and unaware for a long time. Until recently, one of those "sleepers" was the original primary frontrunner, Jeremey, who disappeared at around age 17 and who we just recently managed to wake up. I've been the primary (in one form or another) for the past two years, fronting the most by far. I'm 18, a transgirl, and (I'd just like to say) much nicer than my counterpart, January. The two of us split off a girl named Genevieve about a year ago-- January got all the assertiveness and blunt, challenging poise, and I got a more neutral (and as she would say, dull) personality and a little more respect for other's feelings (mushy crap, in her opinion.) She's front the most next to me, and rather opinionated, so I'm sure you can expect posts from her, too. We have quite a few shy ones amongst us, but at least a few who I'm sure will be eager to post.
(And, ah, we only recently decided on Haven as our house name . . . I hope there isn't another "Haven" out there. I'd hate to feel like we were stealing someone else's name :\ )
Alright, that was our introduction,
Now I have some questions:
1. Jeremey, who spent 17 years as the primary, was never actually aware of anyone else fronting/co-running until he was 16 and our walk-ins started gaining body control. That's when he first supposed that he might be multiple (an idea he suddenly forgot about, oddly enough, though he had researched and connected it extensively.) Yet even though he was unaware that others shared the same body until his mid-teens, many of us have very distinct memories about just living and doing day-to-day things throughout the years. Those memories are restricted exclusively to one person each, rather unlike most of our memory (which is mostly "public"), and we have the full feeling of "ownership" over what happened then-- unlike the "watching someone else" feeling we get recalling the "public" memories of the past. So it's obvious that we others have been around for a long time and have spent time in the past just living and playing and doing, even while Jeremey was still around! I've picked up that there were a few time gaps in his past (actually, almost an entire year once, but that was under unusual circumstances), but for the most part his memory is linear and complete. If that's the case, and he was more-or-less constantly around, then how could he not have realized we were there??
2. As I mentioned earlier, Jeremey was "asleep" in a dark part of our world for almost two years. I found him about a month ago, on one of the rare occasions where I've managed to do some exploring. He was slumbering within some sort of "dream-sphere", immersed in and reliving memories of his past. It was only my touching this bubble, taking a look inside it, and (evidently) disturbing him that caused him to wake up. As near as we can tell, when he became physically intimate (was going to have sex) for the first time with our now-ex-girlfriend (intimacy is almost always a switch or blank-state trigger for us), he suddenly went somewhere VERY far back and then I (as Genevieve) came out in a state of mental vertigo and general confusion. He seems to have a little memory of what happened in the couple weeks following that night, but his memory blanks out after that, once "I" was fully front. Has anyone had something similar happen to them or their system, "sleeping" like that for such a long time? What could cause a primary who'd lived most of the life up front to go back so far and stay back?
3. Does anyone have some tips for better reaching/exploring other-worlds? It seems that it's almost impossible for me to exist in it... Or maybe I'm just missing something :\ January spent a significant amount of time front some months ago, and when she finally had to stay back for over a month she became able to fully "inhabit" that place, foregoing co-awareness when she wanted to. Since we both split from the same girl, it doesn't make sense to me that we should be so different in that respect. Is it only because I'm back so rarely, and the responsibility of being the primary frontrunner rests on me? I know that everyone's system and experience therein is different, but does anyone have an idea how I might change this? I'd really like to be able to spend time in our other-world, but it just doesn't seem possible!
I sincerely thank you in advance for your feedback, and I'd just like to say I'm really looking forward to exchanging ideas/insights/experiences in this community.
~Jem of Haven.
My name's Jem, writing on behalf of Haven, our house. I only discovered our multiplicity in earnest about six months ago, though our (previous) primary from birth had suspected it a few years ago and some of us have known all along. We believe ourselves to be a "natural" multiple, with many of us present from birth, since we have no memories of abuse or severe trauma to speak of . . . It also just "feels right". We're comprised of eighteen currently-known residents, most of whom are female, and we have an energy vampire and rain fae living with us, too. ^_^
Basically we've just been working on communication/interaction (we're co-aware most of the time, now! yay!), learning to share the body (I... tend to get in the way of that. *control freak*), and reconnecting with some of the those who've been back and unaware for a long time. Until recently, one of those "sleepers" was the original primary frontrunner, Jeremey, who disappeared at around age 17 and who we just recently managed to wake up. I've been the primary (in one form or another) for the past two years, fronting the most by far. I'm 18, a transgirl, and (I'd just like to say) much nicer than my counterpart, January. The two of us split off a girl named Genevieve about a year ago-- January got all the assertiveness and blunt, challenging poise, and I got a more neutral (and as she would say, dull) personality and a little more respect for other's feelings (mushy crap, in her opinion.) She's front the most next to me, and rather opinionated, so I'm sure you can expect posts from her, too. We have quite a few shy ones amongst us, but at least a few who I'm sure will be eager to post.
(And, ah, we only recently decided on Haven as our house name . . . I hope there isn't another "Haven" out there. I'd hate to feel like we were stealing someone else's name :\ )
Alright, that was our introduction,
Now I have some questions:
1. Jeremey, who spent 17 years as the primary, was never actually aware of anyone else fronting/co-running until he was 16 and our walk-ins started gaining body control. That's when he first supposed that he might be multiple (an idea he suddenly forgot about, oddly enough, though he had researched and connected it extensively.) Yet even though he was unaware that others shared the same body until his mid-teens, many of us have very distinct memories about just living and doing day-to-day things throughout the years. Those memories are restricted exclusively to one person each, rather unlike most of our memory (which is mostly "public"), and we have the full feeling of "ownership" over what happened then-- unlike the "watching someone else" feeling we get recalling the "public" memories of the past. So it's obvious that we others have been around for a long time and have spent time in the past just living and playing and doing, even while Jeremey was still around! I've picked up that there were a few time gaps in his past (actually, almost an entire year once, but that was under unusual circumstances), but for the most part his memory is linear and complete. If that's the case, and he was more-or-less constantly around, then how could he not have realized we were there??
2. As I mentioned earlier, Jeremey was "asleep" in a dark part of our world for almost two years. I found him about a month ago, on one of the rare occasions where I've managed to do some exploring. He was slumbering within some sort of "dream-sphere", immersed in and reliving memories of his past. It was only my touching this bubble, taking a look inside it, and (evidently) disturbing him that caused him to wake up. As near as we can tell, when he became physically intimate (was going to have sex) for the first time with our now-ex-girlfriend (intimacy is almost always a switch or blank-state trigger for us), he suddenly went somewhere VERY far back and then I (as Genevieve) came out in a state of mental vertigo and general confusion. He seems to have a little memory of what happened in the couple weeks following that night, but his memory blanks out after that, once "I" was fully front. Has anyone had something similar happen to them or their system, "sleeping" like that for such a long time? What could cause a primary who'd lived most of the life up front to go back so far and stay back?
3. Does anyone have some tips for better reaching/exploring other-worlds? It seems that it's almost impossible for me to exist in it... Or maybe I'm just missing something :\ January spent a significant amount of time front some months ago, and when she finally had to stay back for over a month she became able to fully "inhabit" that place, foregoing co-awareness when she wanted to. Since we both split from the same girl, it doesn't make sense to me that we should be so different in that respect. Is it only because I'm back so rarely, and the responsibility of being the primary frontrunner rests on me? I know that everyone's system and experience therein is different, but does anyone have an idea how I might change this? I'd really like to be able to spend time in our other-world, but it just doesn't seem possible!
I sincerely thank you in advance for your feedback, and I'd just like to say I'm really looking forward to exchanging ideas/insights/experiences in this community.
~Jem of Haven.
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no subject
Date: 2005-06-15 10:34 pm (UTC)1. At least for us.. for those that hade to interact with the outside world.. like school and stuff.. they .. continued their lives even when inside.. they didn't notice the time slip cause the Elders didn't want them to.. even if you ask her today.. Rowan or I or the others who were in front.... will say that we weren't ever around til after age 12.. (which isn't the truth).. but you can't convince her otherwise and she has a fairly complete memory of her "life"
2.As one who recently "slept" for over two years I can say that when things get that bad.. at least for me.. I just walked into my room inside and shut the door and shut everything else out.. Just couldn't be out here or attached to this shell.. things were too bad.. too many things were replaying through my head.. and I was too upset.. that's the short desc. feel free to ask if you want to know more.. but that's my experience.
3. Everyone has different abilities/ paths to use those abilities.. you probably just haven't found the right way for you yet.. for us music is a BIG aspect of just about everything.. different music for different people.. or meditation.. til you find the right thing..
well just hope what we said helped some.
-Brighid & others
no subject
Date: 2005-06-16 01:37 am (UTC)1. That makes total sense. I guess it didn't really occur to me that something that large could just be "kept from" someone so totally... Maybe that's it. Then again, at other times (within the past few years) I know some of us were front at the same as Jeremey, and even actively interacting with the world, but he just never noticed, somehow. >< For a while there, he kept internalizing how other people felt, thinking it was him.
2. Wow. I guess I'm just learning now the extent of what's possible... I'm still looking at these things from a fairly outside and conventional perspective, and some concepts like just deciding to leave for a couple years seem incredible. I guess it shows I'm a newbie ^^
3. Music is a huge part of my whole life... Being a musician, I guess that's to be expected. How does it relate to/affect that aspect of life for you, if you don't mind my asking?
~Jem
in response
Date: 2005-06-16 02:25 am (UTC)2. Sometimes it's not a conscious choice.. I look at how I was.. wasn't functioning then.. and surprised the household let it get that bad.. it wasn't the first time I took a break, but it was about the longest.
3. Well we're not a musician.. people say some of us can sing.. but I digress.. Lots of different ways.. when things were pretty blocked off.. I couldn't hear most of the others.. but they'd play music inside and I could hear that.. and it let me know who was around and what they were feeling like.. For some people certain songs are set up as "triggers" (gods I hate that word, but it's the best one we know) to bring them out.. most of the ones that have that are protectors now.. or can be called on if needed.. just need to play the songs .. Ummm.. other than that.. comfort.. jeez.. a lot of ways.. most of the songs we listen to are celtic or filk music(and yes I spelled it right).. so it's not very standard fare for most people.