How Many Dx?

[nomads-quill.livejournal.com]

Ok, so I'm new here. Hello.

My T from ages ago was talking about some things she is doing with new therapists on rotation in her clinic. She is really trying to stress catching this Dx earlier than is standard. It got me to wondering...

D.I.D. was my 5th or 6th Dx. Historically, folks like us go through a lot of Dx before "they" get it right.

She even asked me to write something that she could use in her teaching to help illustrate for new Ts how important it is to see the signs. How my life could have been a bit better-slash-different had the many Ts before her noticed all the signals.

And I guess I am curious as to the responses you guys might give if asked such a question.

I apologize if this is chunky or not clear enough. My head is loose and it's hard to stay on topic just now.

Comments

[pthalo]

I think it's always better for something to be underdiagnosed than overdiagnosed. I do think DID can be created from bad therapy with overzealous therapists and it's a good thing for there to be some caution with diagnosis. That said, if a person really is multiple, it's nice for the therapist to recognise it. I'm 20 and I've been in therapy for most of my life. I was eight when I started. I was drawing pictures of people sharing a body (compulsively. it was one of the only things I was drawing) and I was freely talking about the inner world which I went to. Fast forward a bit, I was a teenager. The therapists knew I was losing time and was dissociating a lot. I heard voices from the time I was pretty young. They've always been there and I had to teach myself how to distinguish my own voice from theirs. My journals at the age of 12 were written by people with different names and different handwritings, sometimes talking to each other and discussing everyday system stuff. And still, I managed to avoid being diagnosed with anything more than PTSD and OCD and EDNOS and also managed to stay in denial myself for quite a while. I still haven't been diagnosed and my current therapist doesn't know very much. But I've finally stopped fighting it and have gotten to know the others and they've gotten to know me.

[melange-fiesta.livejournal.com]

I'm curious... are you saying that you do have a one "true" self, and the others are with you but not the primary person in the system? I only learned about multiples recently, but it seemed to me that at least a few people would be the "main" people (sharing the body the most) but that there was no one true self of those people.

[karma-silenced.livejournal.com]

It depends on the system...

She might not consider herself the one "true" self, but she might be the one who fronts most or even all the time. There need only be one "main".

I front the most in my system... that doesn't make me the "true" person. I have three other hosts but they don't front nearly as much as I do. Sometimes it has to do with your environment and what people around you know/how they'd handle it.

[pthalo]

Yeah, that's pretty much it. :) I don't front all the time, but as far as I am aware I'm fronting most of the time. A little bit less lately than before but then who knows. I remember times when I lived solely inside (the year the body was 10) but was out a little bit. Strangely this didn't clue me into the fact that I was multiple.

Also, since I'm living in Hungary (native speaker of English) there's some limits on language ability. I assume that the people who were fronting more when we first got here learned as I was learning but there are some that haven't either. And when one of the blends up into me when I'm out I start making beginner mistakes again.

[pthalo]

s/I'm living/we're living/.

[pthalo]

I don't know if we have one true self or not. I somewhat doubt it. I know my own history but don't know the others' histories in detail. I'm the main front right now but haven't always been so and there are a few others who are out somewhat regularly. I also doubt that I'm the "original" or whatever that others split off of. I was talking to Jo (someone in my system) the other night because she was babysitting for me and she was able to tell me a few things about some of our origins. I'm still learning about my system.

[sharpsight.livejournal.com]

'I had to teach myself how to distinguish my own voice from theirs.'

*thinks* ...not certain how to phrase this, though the key question is relatively simple (and pretty much representative of almost all of my questions here)...

"How exactly? In the end, what did you find 'worked'? What method?"

*listens curiously/interestedly*

[pthalo]

I got an early start, though I wasn’t thinking actively about it in the beginning. At first, I didn’t know what they were. I thought they were real at first and paid attention to them. I was just a child and assumed that if I was hearing them, I was meant to hear them and all that and took them at face value. Then when I was old enough to know that “normals” don’t hear voices, I started doing the “shut up you’re not real” thing, but first I had to seperate the sound of my own thoughts from the sound of them. I’ve ceased the “shut up you’re not real” thing now that I know they are real. I’ve found “hi” to be a much better conversation starter, even when someone’s freaking me out. And I can still tell me apart from them.

I’m a writer. I write stories and fiction and when you write a lot, you get to know what you sound like. Each writer has their own distinct voice and as a writer, comparing myself to other writers, seeing what their words sounded like compared to what my own sounded like helped. Distinguishing the sound of your voice from people outside the body can help. Reading my own words aloud, feeling their rhythm. There are lots of exercises for writers finding their writing voices that you could probably find in a book on how to write fiction or possibly online that you could try. I can also tell by handwriting which one is me. I can’t look at handwriting and say this is Marissa, this is Lissy, this is Jo, this is Jenny. I can say this is little one, but she’s 3 and writes like it. But I know my writing. If your handwriting is different from the others even in a small way that only you would notice, you can use that to select pieces to read out loud, so that you know you’re reading your own voice.

Of course, this kind of analysis is a bit harder when it’s just with thoughts. Thoughts also happen very quickly, and they’re hard to record. But I do know the kinds of things I tend to think about. And if the thoughts are referring to me as “she” that’s a dead giveaway. I used to hear a narrator like voice from time to time. Tacking on “she said” to whatever I said and sometimes giving snarky commentary. If I’m walking late at night and someone says I’m about to be raped, that’s not me because I’m pretty good at not freaking myself out, it’s Chicken Little. I’ve found talking to her in a soothing voice works much better than saying “shut up you’re freaking me out.” Those were the two main voices I was differentiating myself from as a teenager. When Tobias was talking to me when the body was 12, he’d use the written word, which I could see being “typed” or something on a wall if I stared at it. Only he used that method and I don’t think that way. If you interact with people in an inner world, you get to know them, the kinds of things they think about and talk about. Since I’ve started treating The Little One as an actual person and not a metaphor who just happens to be able to take over the body, I’ve been able to look back in hindsight to explain some times when she was fronting and I was co-conscious with her and also to recognise when she’s talking to me. She talks about three year old stuff in a three year old way. I think about 21 year old stuff in a 21 year old way. I have my own hobbies. If I’m stressed out and feel the impulse to go out rollerblading even if it’s midnight, that’s 110% me. That’s the kind of thing I like to do. I guess I keep track of the things I tend to think about, the things that matte to me. There’s going to be some overlap, but they’ll say things differently than me.

I’m fairly open about my past and about abuse stuff in my journal. Marissa seems to be wavering between “I wish I could talk about it” and “this doesn’t belong outside the body, it’s dangerous.” Lissy’s use of language is less formal than mine. Lydia doesn’t talk, but uses ASL (we learned it when the body was 11).

continued cause I'm long winded.

[pthalo]

I hear screaming sometimes or crying or laughter or just background noise. I’ve also learned to pay attention to my emotions. If I’m feeling happy, then crying noises aren’t me. If I’m feeling depressed/stuck in a rut, then Bad Thoughts are probably me. If I was okay before those thoughts started and nothing triggered them on my end, I need to ask myself if they’re me or not. Generally, if Bad Thoughts are coming from someone else, I’ll feel bad in the way you feel bad when someone on the outside is feeling bad. Empathy.

Also, if someone’s talking to me when I’m fronting, if I listen carefully, they’re talking to me (or to someone), sometimes thinking out loud but generally with some purpose (be it that they’re lonely and want company or they just want someone to talk to or just want to use me as a sounding board. I babble at them too sometimes.)

I guess the biggest part of it is paying attention. Journalling has helped me immensely. Getting to know me and getting to know them.

I don’t always recognise when someone is blended up with me and I do have to consciously think about it sometimes to figure out which one is me. I havent met all of the others and so sometimes I can’t tell who is close to me, but I’m paying attention.

Hi, I’m long winded. (Another cue that it’s me, Pthalo) Thanks for asking this, by the way. I think it did me a lot of good to think about the methodology of it.

[nomads-quill.livejournal.com]

Please don't apologize for the long-windedness. This is helping me immensely. I have never *really* interacted with other multiples. This is intense and amazing for me to see how we all think differently and apply that thought.

So, yeah. Thanks.