rambling...no ranting, just confused rambling

[mrshannibal.livejournal.com]

in a response to a post, cirape said:
I view nonfunctional multiplicity as something with missing time and system members being unable to communicate and the like.

conveying in words i could not find, exactly what i have been going through...
talked w/my psychologist this week about it and he's suggesting we keep track of this and asked about letters written, emails sent, things bought, places gone w/out my forefront knowledge...
i told him this had been happening for years, but i blew it off as "forgetting" because people DO forget things from time to time...i mean, after all, don't most people talk to themselves in their head, right?
heh, it's only when my daughter tells me "you know you have a british accent, right?" and "umm, when did you forget to know how to make coffee?"
cuz that happens to everyone, right?
uh, no...
it's only been within the past 3 years that it has become more and more prevelant, which confuses and scares me to no end...people at work have said things of concern and i brush that off as having a bad day, or i'm feeling emotional or whatever comes out of my mouth that makes sense to them and they walk away - satisified w/the answer they've been given only to leave me befuddled as to just exactly what was said...

system members being unable to communicate and the like.
i read this and thought - oh yeah, well, THE LIKE part got me in the emergency ward w/about 3 stitches on one wrist and bandages on the other because apparently there is a sullen 16 yr. old boy that gets angry quite easily and then gets self destructive...most of the time it's contained and curtailed, but sometimes - well, sometimes it just happens...
i was there in the hospital all day...then i saw my psychologist that afternoon...

so he asked for copies of things that had been written and/or sent and such and i asked my friend to help me w/that because the last time i thought to do that - the paperwork got lost and my friend said,
"maybe there's someone who DOESN'T want anyone to know at all"
and i brushed it off as "forgetting"...

i've come to find that when i "go" somewhere else or however that can be explained, i get this bone-chilling cold shiver, and it's slightly numbing and not all that pleasant...usually happens when i feel stressed and/or threatened...
what happens to you when you "change"?

i've taken a break from posting in my personal journal because every time i put in the attempt, it's gone...nothing gets posted, not even jokes or pics or whatever - so i took a break...someone wrote a nice note and that was that...sometimes it bothers me, but i'm going with it for now...i've been in other communities and lj's of friends, but nothing like being here where i feel better...well, as good as i can feel...

anyhow, i don't know where i'm going w/this - but thanks for letting me ramble...

Waking Dream - Resistance is Futile

[gharveyn.livejournal.com]

We woke up this morning in a dreaming state and we are trying to remain that way today.

 

The lovely thing about this current state of dreaming while being awake is that we are more aware of each other within our system and can touch and feel each other.  So yes, let's continue dreaming, it feels good.

 

By waking-dreaming we are all more equal.  We all do a lot of dreaming anyway, because most of us never get to front.  So we get frustrated and try to pull the front down to get through.  We do a lot of damage that way. 

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