Needing To vent

[mindlight.livejournal.com]

I guess I posted this wrong last time, so I'm trying this again... appologies if it shows up twice for anyone...


My name is Emily, and I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, aka Multiple Personalities. I first devolped this disorder at age 5, when I witnessed my best friend being beaten, raped, and then murdered by her father.
I have suffered much abuse in my life as well. I've been raped, beaten, emotionally abused... you name it, and I've probably experienced it. Needless to say, I devoloped a few more alters throughout my life. I now have 9 all together, including me.
I have been married for almost 6 years, and I have 3 children. My husband's name is Jared. My oldest son, Toby Tyler, is 5 years old. Charity Ann, is 3 years old. And Ashton Taylor is 2 years old.
Just under 3 years ago, I met a man online. His name is Wayne. I had an affair with Wayne, which resulted in a seperation from Jared. We were seperated for 4 months, while Wayne and I dated off and on, continuing our sexual contact. Eventually Wayne and I parted ways, and Jared and I got back together.
But I was pregnant with Wayne's baby. (Ashton)
The next summer, Jared and I seperated again. And Wayne and I got back in contact. We shared some good times, but it didn't last long. I was seperated from Jared for almost 7 months, and we again eventually got back together.
I didn't have any contact with Wayne for about a year and a half. He never even tried to be in his son's life.
About 3 weeks ago, I finally heard from Wayne. And it caused a lot of ugly drama. Really sad, actually. And we're now, for the most part, not speaking again. Which is okay I guess, because I'm really serious about making this work with Jared.

My dilema:
Wayne made it very clear how much he hates ME. But he always has liked Karen.
(Karen is one of my alters, the one closest to me, actually)
And he wrote her an email, saying that he would like to be friends with her, as long as she were always out and not me. He went on to say some really judgmental and hurtful things about ME, and it made things really suck. But Karen does want to have a friendship with Wayne.
I still haven't heard from him since then, and neither has Karen.
I miss him. I always did want to be friends again someday, and of course I'll always love him. He was my best friend, lover, and the father of my youngest child. Not an easy tie to break. But he hates me, and is only willing to be friends with another part of me.
I'm so confused. I don't know what to do, or what steps to take from here.
Oh, another thing that makes this hard? His girlfriend is one of my best friends! So, yeah. That toughens things up a bit for sure.

I guess that's all for now. Just needed to vent about how I'm feeling. Any advice would be appreciated, but not neccesary. And if anyone out there has been in a situation similar to this before, I'd love to hear from you!

I also don't know anyone else with D.I.D, and would love to make some new friends. People who understand me. I hope to be able to do that here eventually.

Thanks for listening! XOXOXO

~Emily

Achieving co-consciousness

[medius-tandem.livejournal.com]

I'm the Host of my system and I would like some advice, possibly suggestions, ideas, etc... My system, sadly, is a trauma based one and though I know about them, and we communicate through notebooks and word documents, I don't have co-consciousness. This is something that all of us would like to achieve and I was wondering, and hoping, if there was anyone here that has gained a co-consciousness and how it was achieved. Any thoughts, comments, suggestions, ideas are more than welcome.

Help! I'm LJ Community Illiterate!

[mindlight.livejournal.com]

Okay. I'm having issues! Needing some help here!
HOW do I pull up the posts I've made in the community? I click on "recent", and it only brings up the posts I made NOT to the community. I have to go all the way to the community, and find the post I made. Isn't there an easier way to get to the posts I made in the community, to reply to comments.... edit my entries.... ???
HELP!!!

EDIT: Thanks for all the great suggestions. I figured it out... I think. :)

hello, it's me

[mrshannibal.livejournal.com]

hi, me again

i just wanted to thank folks here for all of their positive input in how i've been feeling about this whole thing...really, i have nowhere to go...i do talk to my one person IRL, and sometimes my daughter - who told me
"this explains a lot of your behaviour"

ok...

saw a movie that surprized me about it being a trigger...i won't go into detail about the film, only that's pan's labyrinth and much of it did not sit well w/me...
or "anyone" else, for that matter...

i have learned that one of the "males" is a 16 yr. angry boy named "julian"...
he drives fsst, but doesn't have a license yet...i say "angry", but i think that's more of a "show"...

this is still so confusing and i have no idea what goes on when i get into what i call a "funk"...it's like i'm in the back seat of a car, and someone else is driving and i'm looking thru the windshield...well, i have some idea, but still unsure...i know the "girls" like the music in the car...

i'm learning a few things here and there, but then i want to wake up and this not be here...

so, thanks for listening...

Heya...

[makil-s.livejournal.com]

I was just wondering if anyone else here tends to have a difficult time making external friends? For us, there's only one that's really very good at making friends with other people, but she's a bit handicapped because of the difference in gender from our body.

Myself, I'm not even very good at making friends online cause I just never go out looking for it. I tend to succumb to inertia a lot. Maybe that's just part of who I am... and not related at all to having everyone else in here... but sometimes that just adds to it because if I really want to talk to someone I can just talk to them. It makes it easier to avoid external people, which I tend to do.

I guess I'm sorta wondering if anyone has any basic tips in how to make friends? I suppose my being pretty open about being multiple could also be a handicap in that respect, but then again... I haven't had many negative reactions from the people I /have/ told. So why not?

Also, if there's anyone interesting out there who'd not mind adding me on LJ that would be cool too(my true intention for this post shows through finally. heh.) I'm a pretty average geeky guy with a decent sense of humor and somewhat poor social skills. BEST FRIENDS FOEVAR! :P

God I'm a loser... ;D

::edit:: Oh yeah, and my name is Kent and I'm part of the puzzlesystem... Morgil and Flute and Kat(myorp) have all posted on here a lot more than me. But they're the Others.