clarification

[coconutchica.livejournal.com]

ok, i think i figured it out. i am definitely still just borderline (well, and depressed and anxious and my own personal bundle of fun issues) but i just have a persona that i turn on an off reasonably volunarily. i mean, it's been going on for so long that Perfect Girl, as she is known, has some conciousness, I guess you could say, or at least, thoughts, since she mainly is a thinker (i'm concrete, she has to be separate from me. this is where my confusion sprung from).

me, the real me, is emotional and body oriented and is not to be trusted by Perfect Girl apparently. i screw up and make mistakes and am HUMAN like everyone else.

those weird feelings i had the other day were when i was having thoughts and feeling simultaneously. i never used to do that. i was totally compartmentalized. i'd actually say "i can care about that in a minute" if i was doing something (oh yeah, doing body things was totally separate also. i couldnt drive and talk very well. i just liked to sing along to the radio).

emotions, thoughts, and life itself was totally random and unexplainable. rules seemed to just come from anywhere so i thought i could make my own too. i didnt know i needed to take responsibility for things until the last minute. i was like child child child then suddenly reality would sink in at the deadline so i'd have to be an adult about it and do things.

so i'm working on integrating my self and my facade, and it's scary. it's very very hard to talk and think at the same time. i used to monitor my thoughts but this is like, actually caring about what i'm saying instead of just lying and saying what i think people want to hear. i had a real conversation today! it was pretty sweet.

so i cant summarize. but i'd like to add that i def appreciate all the support you guys gave me when i asked my initial question, and i definitely have a new perspective on what it must feel like to just not be yourself but know that you're doing things.......well that your body is.....and that people get confused that you dont appear consistent....bc the real me likes to swear and laugh and cry and yell and be loud and unfortunately borderlines get a little excessive.

ok make that excessively excessive. lol.

(no subject)

[freakshownia.livejournal.com]

Today in my abnormal psych class we went over dissociative disorders with a focus on DID. My professor used to work as a clinical psychologist for 20-some years, and to support the idea that multiples are extremely rare he mentioned that he had never met one in his entire career.

So I'm wondering... should we prove him wrong? It was so tempting to just jump up in class and be like, "Not true! You know ONE multiple!" but of course I didn't. I was thinking of going about it in a more discreet way, perhaps asking him if he'd like to meet a multiple. Hmm.

Any suggestions?


Also in class we were going to watch the video "Mind of a Murderer" about a serial killer who tried to get off on insanity by saying he was a multiple. The tape didn't work so we didn't watch it, but it annoyed me that of all views of MPD/DID to see in a video it'd be THAT one. Of course this guy was proved to have been making it all up to get out of jail so he wasn't actually a multiple, but still. Discussing multiplicity in the context of murder doesn't lead to positive opinions =/ (Although my professor clearly understood that one has nothing to do with the other and the tape was to show how it could be faked, who knows what the other students picked up from that.)

How to Deal?

[fraginfairy.livejournal.com]

I guess it's bound to happen, but... still. Undergoing a lot of hurt because the man I loved... disappeared? Hard to explain. But his (for lack of a better term) "host" ended up coping? Not needing him anymore? So he's gone. Is this normal? I hope this doesn't offend anyone, I just wanted any answers or... something, I guess. Thanks.

~Frag