Thanksgiving in the Back Seat

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

So, yeah, I'm at my (er, our) grandma's house for Thanksgiving. The computer I'm on is in the same room where Dad is sleeping, and it's lucky he's a sound sleeper, because he has no idea I exist.

I've been becoming more and more "present" in the world. Last Sunday I actually came out and participated in a conversation face-to-face, for the first time ever. One of the people there didn't know we were multiple, the other did. (Well, his two headmates do, too, to the extent they were there.) Talking is surprisingly easy, when it's something you care about. I'm trying to work my way up to things like introducing myself to Rob's friends - the physicists as well as the more accepting geeks and psychics.

And now I find myself with my family - and I do consider them to be my family; I take my brotherhood with Rob seriously, and I love our relatives, too. But the moment I saw them I found myself all the way back and hiding, like I'm thirteen again. I'm not ready to tell any of them yet, I don't even have any idea whether I'll ever be able to. Just fronting in my grandmother's house has my heart pounding, and while it's novel to actually feel it, I really hate the fear. And I hate taking time off my personal growth for a holiday, it feels like backsliding.

Has anyone come out to parents or siblings? Does it ever go well? How does it go wrong? And, for anyone who's had to teach themselves to front and interact with outsiders, how did you handle getting in situations in the middle where you had to be closeted?

Anyway, I'm off to clear my grandmother's internet history...

Johnny

(no subject)

[saint-07.livejournal.com]

hapy thanksgiving to all my friends, i am guna eat allot of pie today ^^ and daddy cant get mad cause its ok today ^^

Just in case you were wondering

[annabellelaw.livejournal.com]

****Erm... I posted this once but I think my computer ate it. If I do it twice by mistake please detete whichever one is best to delete, sorry****

Well things for me have been difficult recently. Carrie & I broke up, though she is still marrying Ash, so that was odd. It was painful. I think we might be back together but I'm not quite sure how things stand, so we might not be. It wasn't anything bad that caused us to split up, and I still love her, which is painful to see her and be next to her but no to be loved back, but she decided that we were just too different & incompatible.

The pain caused me to try to 'Go Away' which was scary and made me even sadder, but thanks to some friends I didn't, but as a side-effect Ash & I did kind of merge Sunday morning briefly. I'm not sure if it was true integration or if it was blending or if he ended up temporarily with some of my memories or personality traits or what but it was scary for him & Carrie and I have no memory of that period apart from his memories so I don't quite know what's happened.

When I was trying to go away Ash found that his tact & libido disapeared with me... maybe that's the part of us that I control, like he's all self-confidence I'm all sex-on-legs (LOL).

I'm still feeling kind of fragile and uncertain right now so ash is feeling some of the side effects of that including disasocciation and odd mental blanks and headaches and things but it seems to be getting better. While things are uncertain I don't want to push Carrie into making a rushed desiscion on our relationship, so I think we just need time. I'm looking forward to the wedding, and am excited about it for them, though hanging around our parents is always tough for me :(

Freddie, thank you for the worry dolls!

*x-posted to my own LJ*
I'm going to cross-post this to the Multiplicity LJ, though it is full of mad people who annoy me (rolls eyes) as well as wonderful caring people (smiley) and sometimes they share the same body!

For those Interested in Activism

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

We found this link via a friend's journal. They said we could post it so maybbe something could get done. Thttp://www.everydayhealth.com/cs/forums/thread/48222.aspx?utm_source=nl_emohealth


This disturbed us to no end. If you think it's worthwhile reply to these people.

(no subject)

[dacnomaniac.livejournal.com]

ETA: I forgot a couple of important aspects. I have no idea how I managed that. Fixing now. Also adding some thoughts about our... well, no, maybe not. Should I make a new post for new thoughts or add them to this one so as not to clutter the community with our chaotic denial-busting? (As that's what it really is... we're realising we've been plural much longer than we thought, even before we stopped being just normal contextual personality modes and started being 'aspects', AKA one whole made of seperate parts, in denial about it. We're not as seperate as many of you seem to be, but there's us, the parts of the totality that is Me, and then there's My characters. Until I learnt the concept of 'plurality' as opposed to the pathologic DID [and yes, I believe both exist and that they're two entirely different things, one healthy and natural and one pathological; I don't understand the anti-psychology theme I get from so many multiplicity communities, as the problems with it are due to abuses, misuses, and misunderstandings of the discipline both by 'professionals' not deserving of the title and by others, and not the discipline itself, but that's another post altogether.] I was not aware that my characters were different from the normal writer-character paradigm, but according to that alone, I've been plural for years now. This is just the shattering of the last barrier to my conscious acknowledgement of the fact that I'm not one multifaceted stone, I'm a mixed-media art piece. If that analogy follows. I actually feel more like one soul being expressed simultaneously through several different, self-aware minds, but I'm not sure if that's what's actually going on. Okay, I'm rambling. Back to the post. --'Cet

------

Okay, things are getting a little out of hand here, so I'm going to step up, take the reins, and type out our 'minutes' so to speak, to help us finish working our shit out and also to keep the peace steady.

To start off, I'm 'Cet Diamorphine, AKA 'the Walking One' in our internal parlance. Delve, 'the Dog', and I are pretty much what's left of our 'source' -- who we were when we were one functionally as well as essentially.

What's happened, we figure, is this. ( Cut for rambling and a bit of internal arguing. )

Sorry about the last, confused post, by the way. That was Delve's last grasp at supremacy/unity, we think. (He disagrees. I'm not listening.) I'd get rid of it save it's against community rules. The last instants before a big change are always messy, though. Discovering our non-feminity wasn't pretty either, so why should this be? Still a bit of a pain in the ass.

You have any advice for us? Delve wants to know what other primaries (he wishes) did when their other selves (hah) first manifested, how they dealt with it, and especially when it happens. He resents the fact that this took 22 years to happen. I keep telling him, not everyone starts as kids, but he's not listening to me and he won't take the keyboard.

Screw it. Time for massive self-indulgence! Or not. Not works. (Puritanical queens.)

--The Walking One

(no subject)

[dacnomaniac.livejournal.com]

So, this is a question I posed to two members of the community...

"This is very complex shit. Sigh. I still feel like a singlet, except I know I'm not one and I also feel each distinct aspect very individually. Does that make sense? Is that how you experience it? Regardless of who's fronting I always feel like 'me', just a different sort of 'me', and yet as noted, I can also talk to the other 'me's as though they were seperate, and they interact without 'my' urging, 'I' don't control them, and... well, fuck, they're not the same as 'Me'. But I'm still ultimately one being. I think. Is this a normal manifestation of plurality or am I just extremely confused?"

I'm no longer so sure of any of that, but it's the basis for the rest of this post. And I'd still like to hear what other people think about that.

This started as a reply to a comment, but it got too long, and, honestly, I wonder what other people's input is too. I'm so sorry for cluttering the community but I'm not sure where else to go for input here. (Also, because it was mentioned -- I'm not after backpatting, albeit I don't want to have my balls ripped off and danced upon either. I want input and information from people who know this stuff better than I do, that's all. Say what you're thinking even if you think I won't like it or I'll disagree with it. *Every* piece of non-fluffy information will be used in my self-exploration. I'll probably be at this very intently until I feel like I've worked it all out and since you're the best-only resource we have, we'll probably make total asses of ourself until I'm satisfied.

Oh dear. Our pronouns are slipping. That's another thing I'll need to try to standardise, as at the moment I honestly have no idea which feels more appropriate. Really, 'I' when referring to myself, 'I' when referring to Myself as a whole (the head-pack) and 'we' when referring to us as a group of individuals seems best, but too confusing for others. I dunno...

If I'm making a mess and being overly noisy please, *please* tell us. I, Delve, would *much* prefer to know what I'm doing wrong so as to put a stop to it than continue blithely along pissing people off. 'Cet doesn't really care in the persistent drive towards information, but that's what I'm here for, to keep us all under control and out of trouble as best as possible.

Anyhow...

( On the sources of my conclusions re:plurality, unity; other things )

Again, if we start cluttering the place up, or just get obnoxious in general, please say as much so we can mend our ways accordingly. Any and all input is appreciated and will be considered. Thanks in advance. :)

--'Cet and Delve

(no subject)

[sean-stevens07.livejournal.com]

So i was "dating" this system and it turns out that the ass-hat original, went all bitch mode and went trough intergration.  I knew something was up when i didnt hear from them in over 3 moths.  I just found out that the guy I was inlove with is gone.  And I honestly have no clue what i want to do... hes gone.

ah see this is why I usually just sleep around, cause being in one relationship isnt good for ya.

wtf should i do, i want to kill the bitch

am i right for being pissed?