(no subject)

[sean-stevens07.livejournal.com]

So i was "dating" this system and it turns out that the ass-hat original, went all bitch mode and went trough intergration.  I knew something was up when i didnt hear from them in over 3 moths.  I just found out that the guy I was inlove with is gone.  And I honestly have no clue what i want to do... hes gone.

ah see this is why I usually just sleep around, cause being in one relationship isnt good for ya.

wtf should i do, i want to kill the bitch

am i right for being pissed?

Comments

[lion-azure.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know what you're going through. I was in a situation creepily similar to yours a while ago. Well, technically I still am. The bitch who used to be the host of my lover seems to have cut him out or soemthing.

It just hurt so much, losing a person who was near perfect for me. I had a total breakdown, screaming, crying, wanting to stop existing too.

This will probably sound both callous and cliche, but you will get over it. The pain will slowly go away, and some day, thinking of him won't hurt that much any more. It will become bearable. And you will move on.
Right now, I'd say let it all out. Cry, rage (but don't hurt yourself), bitch, curse her to hell. And to balance that, do something you really like. Talk with your friends, or with people who will understand.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

- Malak

what i like to do?

[sean-stevens07.livejournal.com]

well fuck, she didnt even tell me she was thinking about doing that,and i dont hurt myself, that is the Prince's MO. but i am getting hammered as we speek so i will forget about it for a while
^cheers^

Re: what i like to do?

[lion-azure.livejournal.com]

Good plan. I did that, too... get hammered.

Hang in there. And go through some nice revenge plans in your head. Helps, too.

- Malak

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

From what I've heard, integration often isn't permanent - more like jail than death. So there's still hope. But damn right, you should be pissed. And relationships ought to be good for you, it's just that too many people are asshats.

Johnny

[sean-stevens07.livejournal.com]

meh, i think that relationships are bad casue they make you get used to only one person and then they take off (Walking Example^

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

*shrugs* Then try polyamory. It's the emotional attatchment that's important, the rest is just practical details.

[kyouketsusha.livejournal.com]

Glad someone besides me suggested it. :)

[redrainstorm.livejournal.com]

I'm going to take the other end... Maybe it was best for them, or something they wanted. If they did not want the integration to hold, it won't (usually). I don't understand how just the host can decide to all the sudden integrate without the permission of the others. So maybe the host, isn't a bitch at all and they did what they had to do.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

you know for a fact that integration isn't neccessarily permanent.

Yes you have a right to be pissed.. them being allowed to tell you what was going on would have been polite at the least.. we'd think pretty much required..
first, Don't kill them.. then it would be really difficult for your partner to come back..
Second, you can have all the fantasies about killing the host that you want.. and knowing you they will be very inventive.
past that, not sure.

[isshindenshin.livejournal.com]

And now I dance around in a top hat and sing, "DITTO, DITTO!"

You can't stop people from leaving, not when it comes to loving a singleton and not when it comes to someone in a multiple system. But not telling you they're going to leave? Yes, I think the word ass-hat might apply. You have every right to be angry.

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

I was in love with someone in a system too...They've disappeared, but I don't believe it was because of integration...I'm not sure what happened to them, actually.

~Wolf

I like a girl in a system, who we know in RL, but the main fronter there isn't attracted to our physical body, so she won't allow me and my girlfriend?(we're not really going out or anything, but I don't know what to call her)to physically interact. It kind of sucks.

~Liz

but we're sorry to hear that you've lost your love, don't give up on love, it's hard but worth it.

Wolf/Liz
Pack Collective

[mysticalunicorn.livejournal.com]

I didnt even know you guys were dating 0_0 but yeah it makes sense whe was a bitch. But I think you should avoid relationships with other systems anyway. So says me who dates someone in another system. It's more complicated that it already is plus you have no real conrtrol of your lover disapearing.

[mysticalunicorn.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah if you want to rant ask for me I might be able to come out.

BTW this is Joe if you forgot my lj user name

[sean-stevens07.livejournal.com]

i could never forget ;)

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

am i right for being pissed?

Yes.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

You have a right to be pissed, yes. *points to what gryphons said*

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

We have been through this from both sides not from integration, though.

My partner fell in love with Marina who was, with variations, the default
for many many years - then 2 years ago i broke down and left the others to
manage the front. She thought i was gone - the rest of us thought so too.

About a year later i popped through again.

My partner had a similar breakdown where here default just curled up and
gave up for about 2 weeks. We thought she would not come back, but the others
simply took care of things for the time she was gone.

--- Marina

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

I'm also going to be like redrainstorm and take the unpopular side here. Have you considered that she may not really have been multiple at all, and thought that pretending to be so would make you like her better, but got tired of keeping up the act and then claimed she'd integrated? This kind of thing isn't as rare as some people might think. We had someone do it to us, although he initially just claimed that they "all left."

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

We had this happen to us too.

Amalah

[fadingtogrey.livejournal.com]

One of my headmates went through something similar. It wasn't integration, though--just disappearing. He hadn't been fronting in a while, and since the incident, he hasn't really fronted at all. It's hard to explain to people why they don't see him around anymore. He's just hurting. :/

Like others have said, integration doesn't tend to work if not everyone wants it. I don't know the people in question, so I don't know if they're "really multiple" or not. But they should have told you what was going on.

[fadingtogrey.livejournal.com]

He wants me to add that it's not so much "hurt" now as it is a general disinterest in life. After the time they've spent apart, we don't know if they'd even get back together again, if his lover returned. So, I would suggest that, if the integration isn't permanent and she does come back... you might want a trial period before committing to dating her again. Leaving without warning, or even saying goodbye, is never a good sign in a relationship.

[sean-stevens07.livejournal.com]

him** not her

[sean-stevens07.livejournal.com]

the body was female but he was male

[fadingtogrey.livejournal.com]

Gah, sorry. Pronoun slip.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry for your loss. It's hard to know what to think/feel/believe in that case.

I can't personally be involved with anyone in a system where the rest of the system doesn't at least communicate basic things. It's too frustrating and heartbreaking.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

You know, from what I understand for integration to work all the parties have to be in agreement, so perhaps this lover of yours wanted it as much as the host, perhaps it was even his idea. It's damn hard to smoosh someone into another when both parties are saying fuck off aint going to happen. So all this hatred to the host, well of course it is the cool thing to do, hosts are all bad afterall, but it may not be justified.

Are you right to be pissed? Well I think yes for not being told, but not about the integration (if indeed that happened). How any system/community decides to live is solely their right to decide. Just as no one should force intgration on a multiple system simply because being one is the norm, neither should they remain multiple if others outside themselves have certain perferences

[notquitequiet.livejournal.com]

I'm in the same situation. I think you have every right to be angry; I know I am. Just remember not to do anything that will get your system in trouble unless you can be positive you won't get caught.

And this might be too personal and I really don't mean to pry, but did the host give you any reasons that they integrated? It isn't an option for us and I wouldn't do it even if it was, but I have wondered what leads other systems to do it.

-Keis

[arcis.livejournal.com]

somewhat been there as well. I suppose they just decided to .. go the 'right path' and be 'normal', or something.
it wasn't me who was involved with them/him, however, but my sympathy, still.

I watched just how destructive something like that could be. probably more along the way losing someone who you thought could understand you, as well.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

We had an incident like this happen. One in our group had a strong relationship with one in another group. The (host?) person now claims they were just pretending to be Multiple and the persons some of us communicated with were just her playing a game, but we aren't so sure about that. In our situation, the persons we had been communicating with moved into our Group. This may be why this individual claims they weren't Multiple in the first place (we suppose) because she can no longer hear them. We don't know, to be honest. Whether or not the pair who moved in our Group are the same or not, also doesn't matter. They've lived here for some time now and are valued members of our family. Regardless.

Pepper, Amalah