integration and merging and "lifespan integration"

[zamisista.livejournal.com]

hello everyone

we haven't been in touch for a long time and we missed you all.

we are the little ones in the J system. since we last wrote, we met a new (inside) family member called Jonathon. we thought he was a monster and tried to evict him but he was just wearing a scary mask and when he took it off we saw he was just a little boy and he was scared because he was the only white one inside here. but it is OK, we accepted him now and he hangs out with JD who is our protector.

anyway our question is about integration and merging. our therapist says that they are two different things. she says integration is about creating more communication and cooperation inside and merging is where different family members join together (we call that murder). she says she is not trying to promote merging but she is promoting integration in terms of making family members more able to hear each others concerns and create consensus about things. did you ever hear the two terms used in this way? some of us inside don't trust her and think maybe she is trying to merge us without our permission, but we (the little ones) don't think that because she is good and is trying to help us. she says she is not trying to merge us and in any case she couldn't do it without the family members wanting to be merged.

our big one is afraid one day she will wake up to an emtpy house, everyone else will have gone and she will be all alone.
the reason she is afraid is because we are doing "lifespan integration" to make the trauma memories seem like they happened in the distant past. it is working, but also we are seeing changes happen to the System as a result, like walls between members are turning into fences which we can sometimes hear through.

has anyone else done lifespan integration and what was your experience?

sometimes it is scary when things change inside and people start talking or communicating differently. our big one especially doesn't like change. she is doing her best but she does panic sometimes. how have you coped with changes in your Systems?

thank you for being you, we love that this community exists.

the little ones

girlfriend trouble

[zamisista.livejournal.com]

we are looking for girlfriend advice.

we are the little ones and we would like a girlfriend. but everyone in here doesn't agree on what we like. the big one seems to like butch women, or else she wants to just be alone and not have girlfriend trouble. we want someone kind and gentle who smells nice and wears pretty colors. then there is JD, he is a boy and he didn't really like the girlfriends the big one always choses for us. he would like a really sexy girlfriend, or as he says, a hot chick. but he is having trouble figuring out how to date someone using the body we have (which is female). he really doesn't like using this body. before he thought he had a male body, but then our last therapist said to look at our body and he saw it was female and after that he stopped liking to come out at all.

our last two girlfriends were multiple so there were different people inside for us all to get along with. but the first one had a resident who was a gambling addict and she wasn't very healthy and didn't acknowledge being multiple. our life with her was too chaotic. the second one had a really mean resident who used to be mean to little ones, so we had to get rid of her.

we haven't had a girlfriend in a year and a half and we are getting worried about how we can ever find someone who we all like. we are scared to date a singleton because we don't know how she would react to us and we don't know how one person would keep us all interested. if you are little ones in a big body, when do you introduce yourself to someone you want to date? do you let the adult member who is mostly out be the only one to talk to her at first? but then won't she just be having a relationship with the big one?

can anyone share experiences and dating tips?
thank you!!
the little ones