He calls me his angel

[littlenephew.livejournal.com]

Only that's not what I am, it only feels like that to him. No matter how it seems to anyone else, we are not each other's secret, but I am his, and he is mine. When it's me, there's so much wonder and light, and I only wish that for him, but his is dark and cold. So even though I know I'm not his angel, but he doesn't, I just love to wrap him in kind, and warm, and radiant angelic feelings. Someone said, "You can always come back, you just can't come back all the way." But I can take him back, all the way, to when all was wonder, and innocence, and light, that he never knew.

Toby Here

[wingedwolf-2004.livejournal.com]

Well, I haven't posted very much on this journal before. I'm Toby, I have black hair and green eyes, I'm a boy and right now I'm 12 years old. I don't think I have a surname but none of us do really. I came out a bit ago in about May I think but I was all broken and stuff. Now I'm ok and stable as Sam calls it. I used to cry all the time because I think I had a past but I don't think I could if I am only someone inside of somebody else. It was very frightening and I was very scared and I wanted to be accepted by everybody else but its hard for people to understand me.

There were some black dogs invovled once and they changed me dramatically and I tried to hurt Sams best friend but I didnt mean to it was like I couldn't control what I was doing. But now I have a boyfriend called Andrew and I love him very much and he makes me feel as good as I can and he won't let me go back like that.

Now the least stable one must be Alexander as he sauys hes a demon but he is ok most the time but when he gets excited he likes to hurt people. One day he was attacked by the big black dog that is still trapped inside Sam and now he is scared of dogs. Corin keeps him under control most the time and since Corin is our protector he can prevent Alexander from frounting.

Anyways I need to go now. Bye everyone!

Toby

A fascinating theory on multiplicity

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

Spirits in the body: The Traipahni Philosophy of Zirr’ah, Zirr’nah, and Zirr’kah
By = Tristan A. Arts

Disclaimer: No offense was meant by anything in here, if I said anything that offends you, know that it was not done intentionally and will have been something I did not think was offensive.

( this part is not very interesting, unless you want to hear my theory about dissociative identity disorder's relation to the condition of multiplicity )

      Recently, a friend revealed to me a startling piece of information. She had contacted one of her spirit guides and not only confirmed Traipah’s existence, but told me something I had never known, but which I immediately recognized as being true: Traipahni people are born with the same ability as I have, of being able to have more than one mind in their body.

      Immediately, though, I knew something was missing from that. There was more to that truth waiting to be discovered. So my mind started going over things it already knew about Traipah. Nothing really seemed to be filling this mysterious hole in the truth until suddenly I remembered something I’d had as a quote between sections in my second novel (unpublished as of this writing):

“The soul comes in three parts – one part lives in the heavens, another part lives in your body, and a third part lives in your loved ones.”
---Ambassador Bahruven Ehkvenis.

      All of a sudden, it felt as though a puzzle I had unknowingly been working on for years was suddenly complete, and I could see the whole picture. This is where I began my two-day thinking spree. During the flood of thoughts that began after a five-minute “oh my GOD” fest, three words came to mind: zirr’ah, zirr’nah, and zirr’kah. 2
Now I will define them:

Zirr’ah: The part of your soul that lives in the “heavens,” i.e. The Other Side.
Zirr’nah: The part of your soul that lives in your body. (Or, more correctly, surrounds and permeates your body.)
Zirr’kah: The part of your soul that literally lives in other people. In one sense, there is at least a small part of your zirr’kah that lives in everyone and everything else that exists, but there was more.

      The Traipahni understanding of the zirr’kah actually has more to do with their natural multiplicity of minds. That was the major missing puzzle piece, as inspired by Bahruven’s words. You see, the Traipahni people (the Ah’Koi Bahnis, at least) have such powerful abilities of observation that they have the ability to make copies of the personality and memories of other people. This is most powerful with people who are friends, family, or other loved ones. Of course, the Ah’Koi Bahnis individuals who had telepathy got more accurate copies (the proper term being zirr’kahs 3) of their loved ones than ordinary AKB did, but even the most ordinary Ah’Koi Bahnis could at least make a fairly accurate prediction of what someone they loved would say in a given situation.

      Of course, the Ah’Koi Bahnis (AKB) individuals had different levels of detail to these zirr’kahs, and it also seemed to be fairly common that these zirr’kahs would often become so detailed that they’d get their own spark of consciousness. When this happened, the AKB would often believe that it literally WAS a sharing of souls with loved ones.

      However, not all zirr’kahs with consciousnesses of their own were loved ones. Aside from the fact that telepaths (and even non-telepaths) could create this level of zirr’kah from anyone they came in contact with, there were also “ghost copies,” or zirro’svaens [zero’s veins]. “Zirro’svaen” [zero’s vein], which literally means “spirit shadow” but more accurately translates as “shadow spirit,” refers to zirr’kahs whose origins are unknown. On earth, these are sometimes called walk-ins, but more often than not, a zirro’svaen will have been artificially created by the mind of the individual (an imaginary friend or alternate personality). Normally, the function of the AKB mind that creates zirr’kahs focuses outward, on other people. However, if the mind turns inward for any reason, the AKB mind may try to make a zirr’kah of itself. This creates some interesting effects, of course.

      Why do the AKB have this ability? I think I know that, as well. I have always known that the AKB are more social than humans are, and cannot survive if they are on their own for too long, because the depth of their sociability doesn’t allow for being alone for long… it’s hard to survive on Traipah alone anyway, so they may have evolved that way to motivate them to stay with the group.

      However, sentiency and civilization means that there will be times when you have to be alone, often for extended periods of time. Since the AKB became sentient due to their struggle with the body-capturing Zaen parasite (which became a symbiont instead), the Zaens may have (either accidentally or purposefully) given the AKB this ability when the two species’ RNA merged (Traipah has not discovered DNA yet... tri-helical RNA seems to work just fine for them). This can only be good, because it extends the amount of time they can be alive without other people to three months. (The Yain’gah, a race of AKB without Zaens, would be lucky to go a month without contact with other people.) Of course, the Zaens’ mere existence in the body is ruled out as being helpful, because the two species have such a vastly different sense of time from one another that they almost never communicate. Even “puppets,” or Zaens who managed to keep the host’s body alive after the host’s brain has died, cannot really speak well without massive amounts of concentration.

This is all well and good, but how does it relate to me?

      From my two-day thinking spree, I have discovered something even more amazing... humans have the same ability to create zirr’kahs and zirro’svaens as the Ah’Koi Bahnis do! It is to a much lesser degree, of course, since most AKB have several minds in their head and very few AKB are single entities; whereas the opposite is true for humans. But all humans still do have at least a rudimentary ability to make zirr’kahs. And I’m not just talking about zirro’svaens, either. Anyone who knows anyone else well enough to make a fairly accurate prediction of what that person will say in a given situation, has that ability. Even if the zirr’kahs you “make” are not very detailed, and lack a sub-consciousness of their own, it is still a piece of that person’s soul, and so you have that ability.

      It would seem to me that now that we know about that ability, now we can work on improving it. Many people may not be comfortable with the idea of other minds in their heads, but of course, you don’t have to make the zirr’kah that detailed. Still, I kind of like the idea of never having to be lonely, don’t you?


Endnotes.

1 = Clarification: my consciousness can “divide” infinitely without being lessened. Any part can go back to the whole at any time, and return, or go back and lose its identity and sub-consciousness (“die”). In that way, my mind is much like the nature of the soul.

2 = Pronounced “zear-aww,” “zear-knaw,” and “zear-kaa.”

3 = Pronounced, “zear-cause.”

( The Jist )

PS = Poor choice of title, before. This has nothing to do with GITS:SAC. I just liked the mental picture of imagining spirits (ghosts) in the body (shell).

Empowerment. Exerpt from our Truevessel Journal.

[nansvision.livejournal.com]

05:15 am: Empowerment in the Present.
So much of our individual and combined energy has been used to maintain our concealment. In early life, this was essential and served us well, except when the system malfunctioned, which happened frequently, because our power was so often taken from us by abusers. That is no longer pertinent to our present life. It is hard to shed the cloak of secrecy, but perhaps we have outgrown the need for it. Perhaps our hidden identities have outlasted their usefulness and no longer serve us. We tried to adhere to the medical conception by merging into one being, believing that was the only way to mental health. But, that is their model, not ours, which appears to most outsiders as resistance on our part, giving us an unhealthy label. It's hard to describe, this integration as originally perceived; but it feels oppressive and compulsory, even when we tried to comply with the expectation and comform to the accepted standard. Fortunately, our therapist did not restrict our healing process or force this outcome upon us.
However, I was reminded of the prevalent beliefs on this topic, when a close friend visiting from Florida, inquired whether we were all integrated yet. It's like cramming us all into the same space. We know we have to share the same body, which was and still is a challenge at times, but losing our uniqueness because the medical community states that we must do so as the only means of achieving wholeness, the cure for the disorder they came up with, with a specific set of criteria and rules.
I am much more understanding and less bitter toward this perspective, perhaps because I, Nan, am a therapist myself, but we as a system reject the mental illness, disorder theory and framework, in favor of the healthy, creative survival framework as the purpose of our existence. There is no doubt that within us there was considerable disorder, disfunction, chaos and perpetual conflict. There were destructive elements to recognize and overcome. But this is true to a greater or lesser extent, for everyone, whether one self or many, single or multiple. We are now ready and willing to step beyond our inner world, and be open to experiencing life as our own conscious revelation. We are choosing to unfold, rather than to fold up like an accordion, all smushed together. The value of an accordion is in its ability to move and make music. We each have our own legacy, which we don't need to keep Nan from knowing. We don't find it necessary to dissociate in order to express ourselves or to be real, apart from Nan entirely. Now, we can have diversity and harmony without catastrophe.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Listen. Do You Want To Know A Secret.