Rants of a disaffected newbie
May. 9th, 2002 07:17 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
great-stoneface.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
multiplicity_archivesI know that I'm a newbie and it's probably extremely rude of me to just barge on in here and start bitching but I just need to get this off my chest and I swear that once I post this I'll be the most supportive person ever.
*pant* OK, now that that's out there. . . I might be multiple. I don't know. There are people who interact inside my thoughts, in their own house with their own families. I never ever think of them as objects, because they're real, real people. I know it, even if they're not corporeal. Everything about them I feel like I've discovered, not made up; I feel like they've told me.
I can't stop thinking about them. They're always there. Sometimes it's nice, but sometimes it's just. .. sometimes I just want them to be quiet, you know? And sometimets I act out what they're doing, but only when I'm alone.
Sometimes they act independently, sometimes not. When I do something, they do their own version, with their own responses. They come out to play when I'm alone. The problem I have is that I hate that it's halfway. When they talk, I feel like I make them, and they'll never come out in public! Never! I hate this f--ing limbo; either come out to play or just go away!
I don't know if this is some bipolar thing, some beginning stage of DID, just an overactive imagination. I feel like I'm overdramatizing it, but the thing is, I don't really feel any of it. I live through them, I think and act through them, and they through me, and in the process I lose something. I lose my emotions and gain solace, as pathetically poetic as that sounds. One of them cries, so do I, one of them rants, so do I, one of them dances. . . well, my body can't dance, but I do my damndest. But I don't feel anything.
This sucks.
*pant* OK, now that that's out there. . . I might be multiple. I don't know. There are people who interact inside my thoughts, in their own house with their own families. I never ever think of them as objects, because they're real, real people. I know it, even if they're not corporeal. Everything about them I feel like I've discovered, not made up; I feel like they've told me.
I can't stop thinking about them. They're always there. Sometimes it's nice, but sometimes it's just. .. sometimes I just want them to be quiet, you know? And sometimets I act out what they're doing, but only when I'm alone.
Sometimes they act independently, sometimes not. When I do something, they do their own version, with their own responses. They come out to play when I'm alone. The problem I have is that I hate that it's halfway. When they talk, I feel like I make them, and they'll never come out in public! Never! I hate this f--ing limbo; either come out to play or just go away!
I don't know if this is some bipolar thing, some beginning stage of DID, just an overactive imagination. I feel like I'm overdramatizing it, but the thing is, I don't really feel any of it. I live through them, I think and act through them, and they through me, and in the process I lose something. I lose my emotions and gain solace, as pathetically poetic as that sounds. One of them cries, so do I, one of them rants, so do I, one of them dances. . . well, my body can't dance, but I do my damndest. But I don't feel anything.
This sucks.
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Re:
Date: 2002-05-20 08:17 pm (UTC)I think the reason you don't hear much about those in the "grey area" is because most of them don't want to admit that it's real, they're much more happy to believe they're just stressed or sleep deprived or something. sometimes the thought of other personalities in terrifying to those who are stuck in between being "normal" and "multiple"