Pat Stubbs says we are all just "imaginary friends."

[firewheelvortex.livejournal.com]

Pat Stubbs of MAH has chosen to piss me off. Not only am I, as an empowered multi, not REALLY multi, I'm also making up my Aspergers.

I'm not sure what the bug up Pat's ass is, but it seems to boil down to the fact that we unapologetic multiples aren't suffering enough, due to a lack of appropriate therapy. She outlines this in her preciously named blog, "pulses of plurality."

The primary messages given by the non-disordered multiples (hereafter called the self-invented multiple) is that multiple personality is not a disorder and the anti-survivor message that multiplicity is natural and not caused by abuse. Some of these self-invented multiples hold tenaciously to the label multiple while going to great lengths to say it's not a disorder. Some self-invented multiples state they are just creative and keep inventing alters in their mind. That by the way, that isn't multiplicity, rather it's called a vivid imagination.

The sad truth is folks with vivid imaginations, and natural multiplicity (self-invented multiples) make life harder for those of who are sincerely trying to heal. There is enough controversy surrounding multiplicity, particularly in the medical community without those who profess to have vivid imaginations. You see it's easier for some professionals to believe that multiplicity is made up -- someone with a vivid imagination than to believe it's real.

And that is my problem or your problem, how? The idea is difficult for some people to accept, Colin Ross being the primary example of that. Nonetheless, in my experience, that is the case. I am multi, there are many people of various origins here and I have neither the right - nor the arrogance - to try to exterminate them.

I suppose a healthy imagination is important but hundreds of imaginary friends is a bit much for anyone. Some of these self-invented multiples go as far as saying they weren't abused or traumatized and were born multiple. I wonder why such a healthy "non disordered" person would feel the need to distinguish themselves this way if not for attention. The fact is if those professing no abuse or trauma would not have to worry about being diagnosed anything except perhaps histrionic.

Gee, whatever the reason they are multiple, don't you think that it's the sort of difference that might freak people out if it's not explained? Or you could think of it - as I do - as a litmus test. Which, in case you hadn't guessed - Pat flunks.

Apparently I'm very disturbed about this - aspie thing, not very clear about my emotional state really - because I just finished a long, long post to Graphictruth Forums about all of this. Although I did want something on the record here - as Pat points sneeringly to my LJ.

But she picks on us "self-invented multiples" as if we were out to discredit her entire therapy-and-whining centered lifestyle. And she's not going to LET us define her reality - or anyone elses. That's HER job!

I figure to each his own for the most part. However, when information is misleading I feel the need to speak out. The self invented multiples would have us believe that multiplicity is natural and occurs at birth. According to Sidran.org, "It is now understood that these conditions (MPD/DID) can be common effects of severe trauma in early childhood, most typically extreme, repeated physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse." Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that therapists have all the answers. Also I have never found solace in reading books written by other multiples explaining their perceptions about their system. I am not misguided, or feeble minded and have never looked to anyone or anything else including a book to define "my" reality.

Double standard, or just Revealed Truth?

It's apparently revealed truth. Because when anyone disagrees with her that multiplicity is a horrible disorder that must be cured, that it is something one suffers from or it's not really multiplicity... well, she freaks out and gets abusive.

Taking empowered as a word and equating it with the most bizarre things possible, walk-ins and natural multiplicity could not be more damaging for the survivor community. So here's my message to these so called empowered multiples, stay the fuck away from the rest of the of the real multiples, since you aren't sick or disabled. You purport to not need doctors, support or help. So stick with your own kind and diagnose each other. We don't want to catch what you "don't" have. And for gawds sake, since you aren't disordered -- stop your fucking bitching and whining! Afterall, you have nothing to complain about since you don't subscribe to the medical model, or the disordered perspective. Since you have nothing but order in your freaking lives, what gives you the audacity to show up for "support" at the very place you purport is nothing but a bunch of disordered multiples. It must be so confusing to criticize an entire group and then go there to those very people for support and wonder why they don't agree with you. Take your head out of your ass people. This isn't a huge jump in logic. It's a matter of common sense.

Actually, Pat, we come to give it. Evidence that by working a lot LESS hard, one can funtion a lot better than you do. For instance, we don't turn into screaming abusive perps when contradicted. Nor do we just whimper and run away. We just call your ass on your behavior - which is what members of a community do for one another.

Which is what that person did - and why, I imagine, Pat doesn't include a link to the full context, so she gets the last word.

But here it is... for posterity's sake:

So what because I have never been diagnosed I have no right to call myself multiple?

Because I don't treat doctors like gods who can define my reality I am delusional?

We were aware of a lot of each other before we got into therapy, we learnt for ourselves how to handle our multiplicity, how to work together as a collective, and how to live a good life, to achieve a number of life goals and continue working on others. It was only when we started to believe that we had to be like the professionals said things shoudl be that problems started to occur, when we were told quite adamantly by professionals and other multiples that we had to behave in a certain way, follow their rules did the dysfunction hit us.

I actually have been diagnosed with dissociative disorders, in particular derealisation and depersonalisation which is separate and distinct from our multiplicity. We learn to live with that, we have learned ways to ground ourselves when the world fades around us. We are currently working on our trauma issues, the disorders we have that need resolved, anxiety, ptsd, cognitive distortions. We have a great therapist who has acknowledged that these things, with the levels of trauma we have will never be cured, that we will never be able to go back and fix it all. It would be like asking a double amputee to grow their legs back, but we can learn and are learning to find new skills to learn new ways that will lead us to a complete and fulfilling life, just not the normality that is proclaimed as being the "only right way".

DID is not even used as a diagnosis in New Zealand, it is almost an exclusively american diagnostic label. I consider myself multiple, because there is more than one person here. We have worked hard on developing high levels of communication and cooperation. We are at no more risk of retraumatisation that anyone purely based on our multiplicity. Our levels of risk about retraumatisation comes from the original trauma and like I said that is the reasons we are in therapy, to work on our trauma issues.

Actually now that I have gotten to this point of the response I can see that this is yet another reason why it is probably unbeneficial that I stay with this forum. It isn't just this philosphy of multiplicity as a disorder and doctors as all knowing. It's been coming for a while actually, the knowledge this is not a place I will ever fit or belong. So in saying that I wish you all well and thank you for my time amongst you.

Shire

Community. It ain't who's in it. It's who ain't!

Comments

[saturniakitty.livejournal.com]

What's the problem? He gave you full credit.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

Ok like I said before I know things I write online aren't copyrighted or private, I acknowledge that. But I do feel that things written on a closed forum should stay there, or at least the author should be asked first. This was written in a member's only section, not available to anyone that can wander by. Yes I know there is nothing stopping anyone on that forum or anywhere else i post from copying what I say and posting it other places. I accept that's the reality of the internet, but that doesn't stop me feeling pissed off when someone does.

[saturniakitty.livejournal.com]

I'm not a member but I clicked the link and I was able to view it...

But it's not like he's trying to pass it off as his own. You should consider it as publicity. 'Course, in this context it's pretty negative, but any publicity is good, right?

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

Actually I couldn't see any link to where I wrote that letter, I checked the stuff Pat Stubbs wrote and I am not even sure the last one related directly to me, although I did leave the forums after been told it is more likely that I had a brain tumour than I was multiple.

I actually don't see what I wrote as negative, although I suppose a case can be made for that since I gave up and left instead of stuck around and tried to fight to have my point of view heard

[saturniakitty.livejournal.com]

Wait...then what letter are you talking about? I guess I didn't read it carefully enough, I thought only one person had written and you *were* Pat Stubbs. Sorry!

[saturniakitty.livejournal.com]

*Smacks head* Ah, the last part. Yeah, I apologize for misreading that!

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

No I'm not Pat Stubbs *shudder* I'm Shire the one that wrote the bit at the end

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Rest assured that if Ms. Stubbs attempts to join this community, she'll be banned in a jiffy.

Pat Stubbs Passing Herself Off As "Expert" On Multiplicity

[happy-survivor.livejournal.com]

Hello. This is my first post to this group. I've not sure as to the protocols or how people interact here.

I found this site when searching for multiplicity - sites with accurate information for my significant other. I read some posts that interested me and pissed me off somewhat. These are the comments about a Pat Stubbs and her view of multiplicity - that if we do not claim to childhood abuse there is no way that we are dissociative - that we are "faking it". I was surprised when I did further research, found her m-a-h.net site, and found out that she is not a health professional (even says so on her site) but that she does as in fact pass herself off as an "expert" on multiplicity. Her site espouses her limited view on multiplicity; the site is no more than a business to make a living off of people who join the site; and those dupes who trade "promoting" each others sites - to make more money --- and at the same time slamming those of us who do not agree with her limited views.

I found her on the new aboutus.org site and rated her site along with 3 other reviews - one looked to be from Pat Stubbs herself. Well woulnd't you know it they removed all the negative site reviews from the site and only left what looks to be Pat Stubbs review of her own site.

I think that everyone who is as pissed off as I am about this so called "expert" passing herself and her site off as "experts" should go to aboutus.org and rate her site. If you think she's doing a good job say so - if not you certainly owe it to all the multiples in the world to call her out on herself.

Re: Pat Stubbs Passing Herself Off As "Expert" On Multiplicity

[firewheelvortex.livejournal.com]

I'll go for that. Stubbs is ... well, aside from everything else - a few planks short of a treehouse.

IMHO, YMMV, ETC.

Re: Pat Stubbs Passing Herself Off As "Expert" On Multiplicity

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I wouldn't so much as give her the time of day; it shows that people are paying attention to her, which is what she wants. Additionally, you've pointed out that negative reviews are deleted; so it wouldn't do much good. But I thank you for this response.

You and your spouse are welcome on this community. There aren't really protocols as such; each person says their piece, perhaps asks questions, and then others may or may not respond. Introductions are fine, but are not required.

There are links on the info page (http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/profile) that may be of help in understanding where some of the membership (ourselves included) are coming from, although the community is open to all views and types of plurality. Again, thank you.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Quite right, anything posted to a public webforum is considered to be in public domain. But it is generally considered netiquette to ask first.

um...yeah...

[firewheelvortex.livejournal.com]

Well, wanted to have it archived... it might suddenly disappear!

And yes, was out in public, I'd never join that site.

Re: um...yeah...

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

jason absolutely agrees with you about things "disappearing"... that's why he schloops things we want to save into his private files. We have a substantial archive starting back in '92. Probably do that, then ask the person, although I see your point as well. Another thing we often do is link to the post in question if it is open to the public.

Re: um...yeah...

[firewheelvortex.livejournal.com]

Yes, I plead guilty to sloppy work. :)

and too tangled to get it fixed right now. Will try to get back to it.

OT: Music related:

http://thirdwave.num.com/directory.asp?cat=11&do=new

They WANT you to steal their music and play it!