ricktboy from my new journal

[st-bastard.livejournal.com]

I'm probably going to post things here from this journal in the future. I made this one so I could post things without worrying about what people would say about what I wrote, because the other one seemed a little too public.So I made this one, and if you'd like to friend me, go ahead, but read my disclaimer first. that out of the way, there's something i'd like to ask y'all about. it's a couple things, actually, and i'm posting the convo they're in as well...i'll cut it, but bear with me.



ricktboy1127: you ever notice you're hungry or thirsty or sommat too often, because they  are hungry, or thirsty, etc
t: *grins*  Yeah. 
ricktboy1127: yeah?
ricktboy1127: cos i'm like hungry constantly
ricktboy1127: and i notice I'm craving strange things, too
t: Yeah, happens to us sometimes.
ricktboy1127: like I want all at the same time, french toast, spinach and cucumber salad, pizza...etc...
t: *nods*  yeah, done meals like that myself.
ricktboy1127: lol
ricktboy1127: *phew* not the only one
t: Interesting dream...
ricktboy1127: *nod*
t: Have you ever had dreams as different personas, either alone or in the same dream?
ricktboy1127: hmm
ricktboy1127: i dunno
ricktboy1127: gotta think on that for a moment
t: 'cause I do. 
t: Like this past week or so when I've been hurting so much, I've been XXXXX in my dreams.  And I'm not usually.  It's usually one of the other personas that stars in the dreams.
ricktboy1127: *nod*
ricktboy1127: well,
ricktboy1127: I've had dreams in first person, and dreams in third
ricktboy1127: and the first person dreams, i usually am someone else, dunno if it's one of 'em, but it's somebody else
ricktboy1127: in third it's pretty much always me
t: and of course XXXXXXXX's still gone...she's in the hospital.  Hope they can help her.  Been there myself.  *shudders*  I haye psych hospitals, but sometimes its the only way.
ricktboy1127: omg...i have the only fear of psych hosps
t: I'm phobic of hospitals period. 
ricktboy1127: i mean a full blown-out, i will go nuts/postal and kill everyone with my bare hands phobic
ricktboy1127: i mean, i'm getting angry/scared just talking about them
t: Have to crawl inside and let some of the other personas handle things.
ricktboy1127: *nod*
ricktboy1127: none of mine are equipped to handle that, tho...
ricktboy1127: i mean, i did a stint in one, but i was just kinda dead for the time i was there
t: Ah.  well I have a few that are.  One hard-as-nails tough, and the other very pleasant and smooth in dealing with authority figures and doctors and the like.
ricktboy1127: i remember smoking alot of smokes, i remember laughing at the people who were there...cause it seemed to me they weren't crazy, i remember hoping i could hold out and not tell them about anything i was going through, for fear they'd put me away even longer
ricktboy1127: i get like...claustrophobic sometimes...
t: Yeah...when we went in, we just dealt with the depression.  Never spoke about the mpd.
ricktboy1127: *nod*
ricktboy1127: i get like this intense fear of being locked in...
ricktboy1127: not just locked away, but fear of being prisoner to anything...a blanket, clothes, whatever...
ricktboy1127: and this morning...
ricktboy1127: I got claustrophobic about the others...i felt like i was trapped...
ricktboy1127: like i was smothered, inside my head
t: ahhh that's not good.
ricktboy1127: almost like i get when I'm wearing a coat indoors...like trapped, and hot, and uncomfortable, and panicky
ricktboy1127: and then jaysun tried to calm me down, and when i started to calm down, i felt...worse
ricktboy1127: like there was comfort in the panic
t: wow, I'm so sorry you were going through that....
ricktboy1127: do you know what it means?

so my questions are, pretty much,

1. do you ever notice you're hungry or thirsty or something too often, because they're hungry, or thirsty, etc kinda without you, or something

2. Anyone else have an intense phobia of being locked up for being multiple?  I tend to shy away from mental health professionals, because of this.

3. has anyone else ever felt the trapped, claustrophobic feeling I described? It was intense, and sooo scary. I don't consider myself crazy, just because i'm multiple, but this morning, I certainly felt like I was going crazy.

Comments

[the-maenad.livejournal.com]

Yes, many times over, to #2. It's happened to us. Never again.

[tempusfrangit.livejournal.com]

Not hungrier. Just weirder cravings. And somehow, putting 5 different kinds of cereal in one bowl doesn't seem so odd. Disgusting, yes, but odd, no.

Scared of being locked up, not really. Kind of, but not really.

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

I seem to be hungry, all the time...

and 5 kinds of cereal isn't odd to me, or disgusting. I've done it for as long as I can remember, having seen my uncle do it when I was a litttttttle kid.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

1. do you ever notice you're hungry or thirsty or something too often, because they're hungry, or thirsty, etc kinda without you, or something

Not that i've noticed.

2. Anyone else have an intense phobia of being locked up for being multiple? I tend to shy away from mental health professionals, because of this.

I have a phobia of Doctors in general - I don't want to lose my girls and boys.

3. has anyone else ever felt the trapped, claustrophobic feeling I described? It was intense, and sooo scary. I don't consider myself crazy, just because i'm multiple, but this morning, I certainly felt like I was going crazy.

When they all try and talk at once I can get very claustrophobic. Thats when I back out of intelligent conversation in the physical world, and retreat to the computer, my headphones&cds, or even just walking. Just to get it all out and make sure they're all heard.
xx

[ex-senza6.livejournal.com]

When they all try and talk at once I can get very claustrophobic. Thats when I back out of intelligent conversation in the physical world

We can get a bit like that - when there are people talking in-system, especially if there's an argument or heated debate taking place or several people talking at once, and then someone outside tries to talk to us, it makes us feel kind of... head-explody. and yes, retreating somewhere quiet as soon as possible usually seems the best option for us too.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* Often I have to ask the outside world people to repeat what they said 5 or 6 times. They all think i'm deaf (I'm not far-off some days, but it's made worse by the voices up here)
xx

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

i wish i could learn to just withdraw like that. I was really freaking out.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

It doesn't always work, in high stress times It won't work at all and withdrawing just makes me depressed then.
xx

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

"2. Anyone else have an intense phobia of being locked up for being multiple?"

Given the realities of today's mental health system, the "intense phobia" you describe is quite rational.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

That's why I am pleased to live in NZ, because if you aren't doing fucked up things like trying to jump off cliffs, starve yourself to death, bleed all over people in the street, or throttle the crap out of annoying people then they don't care of you are multiple or not. I could go around telling everyone, doctor or not that I am multiple and the most I will get is ridicule.

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

true...I've got this intense fear of being locked up for any reason.

[planetnumber3.livejournal.com]

1) The opposite for us. Someone will be hungry in-head and then front to eat and find they're not hungry because The Body's not hungry.

2) Oh, god yes.... We work well together so doubt that would happen for multiplicity, but each of us seperately have our own share of problems that are more than likely "lock-up-able".

3) Never had issues with this, but it sounds nasty.

- Y & Z

[mysticeden.livejournal.com]

1- yeah sometimes
2- yeah all the time.. thats why i keep it a secret.
3- nope

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

We worry about being institutionalized quite often. We've known friends and family members who were locked up for far less 'unusual' things, so I think it's not an entirely unwarranted fear.