The one good thing I got out of therapy (Stef)

[freddie2431.livejournal.com]

I did get one good thing out of therapy....or, partly it was therapy.
I do think that I would have been better off, having gotten the information out of books. But I don't know, that's water under the bridge. Everyone who knows me, knows I feel therapy did me a great deal of harm.

But anyway. The one thing it did give me, was the notion that *just maybe* my memories were of things that had really happened, and not just a lot of evil sinfulness that I was making up because the devil had ahold of me....and yadda yadda, I'm sure you've heard the rest of *that* evangelical bullsh******t.

Later, when my stepdad was elderly and diabetic and in my mom's care, I saw some things re-enacted, and I knew for absolutely sure that no, I hadn't made it up or exaggerated it.

Meanwhile, though, I do think that the thought of 'maybe I'm not lying', kept me from suicide long enough to get to that point.

I know this sounds rather along the 'disordered' rather than 'empowered' line of thought....and what I would say to that, is that I think trauma-multis have every bit as much right to empower ourselves, as....well, anyone else. I would compare it to losing one's hearing in adulthood, and joining the deaf community as a fully empowered and whole person. (And I do know there are some rifts in the deaf community, just like there are in the multiple community. I'm just sayin', I feel like those rifts are pretty useless.)

Comments

[underlankers.livejournal.com]

Y'know in my book this *is* empowered multiplicity. I agree that trauma multiples get the shaft. I'd note first that most in the HOH community technically *are* late deafened. It's that rare group in this narcissistic youth-obsessed culture where the young actually get shat on.

To be able to define one's own reality on one's own terms is to me what empowerment truly is.

-Tamar Silverberg-

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

We keep saying.... (http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/glossary.html#empower)

And saying.... (http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/faq.html#empowered)

A lot of the misconception happened because of this essay (not written by us) (http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/armyemp.html), that circulated online starting around early 2000. It was supposed to describe online multiples who were liberating themselves from the endless spoiler warnings, trigger warnings, and splats that typified most MPD/DID websites and forums in the 1990s. The kind of learned helplessness that was encouraged by too many psychs in the MPD overdiagnosis of the 80s and 90s, and exemplified as "survivors" online at that time.

The essay has been misinterpreted to mean you should never ask for help at all, or that this is something that's only for multiples who were born that way, or who were never abused at all. Arg.

The word "survivor" is what threw many people off. They assumed that if you were an (actual) survivor (that is, of childhood abuse) you were not and could not be empowered. That was not what the authors intended. "Survivor" was a buzzword at that time, a brand name, a code word that had very little to do with individuals' actual experiences of childhood abuse. "Survivor" was a behavior model which you were expected to follow if you joined any of the various MPD newsgroups, forums or communities on line at that time. The concept of empowerment was originally supposed to be an alternative to the "survivor" behavior model. It had nothing to do with natural or non-trauma multiplicity. I am sorry to say that we played a part in the actions that caused that confusion, and we want to do whatever we can to clear it up.

We removed the original essay anyway. Just put it back up for you guys to look at.

Essay (Stef)

[freddie2431.livejournal.com]

Thank you. We'll have a look....it sounds somewhat familiar, I think we may not have read it but have probably heard it referred to.


Sorry you're having to repeat yourself til you're blue in the face. Such seems to be the lot of people who forge new trails and show others the way - parents and teachers come to mind. Very often blue-faced people by the end of the day.

What we have *never* heard before, is the part about empowerment as an alternative to that insidious 'survivor model'. Wow. Very interesting.

Essay by Sharon. (Stef)

[freddie2431.livejournal.com]

Most of her essay, I can agree with.

I only take issue with two things....

1. I feel people who actually became multi (or discovered they were multi) through trauma, can still be empowered.

2. I also feel that multis with disabilities who are not 'employed in the marketplace', can still be empowered. (Not all of being productive and contributing to the world, is around earning money.)

And boy. What a new take on the word 'survivor'. It sounds like it should be an empowering word, of itself...how insidious.

Re: Essay by Sharon. (Stef)

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

The two things you mentioned were the things that either threw people off or they believed they had to see it that way. Sharon's group had this huge website and they were extremely visible back then, so lots of people saw this essay and took it seriously.

Somehow the idea of "empowerment" got separated from trauma multiples, who are the groups and people who most need it. Taking control of their lives.

Re: Essay by Sharon. (Stef)

[ellin-grey.livejournal.com]

I was unaware that the concept of empowered multiplicity had somehow gotten separated from those multiples that are trauma-based, but maybe I haven't been hanging out in the right places online.

For the record, we're trauma-based and, imho, empowered. Maybe another essay needs to be written.

Re: Essay by Sharon. (Freddie & crew)

[freddie2431.livejournal.com]

We'd be interested in reading that essay.

Were it not for trauma, I think there might be all of two self-aware people in here, one male and one female. (Because it seems the male entity was born/aware first...but in a female body. Maybe that's not how it happened, but I think he was aware of himself before there was any trauma.)

Anyway. One collective vote for the essay!

[tigerweave.livejournal.com]

Survival model in singlets is just as ... um... like a chain around people as the whole "Victim mentality"
As it is still building an identity around what *happened* to you, what others did to you, not what you really are.

It is all a pile of shite, and I am glad you are finding your own helpful insights. Poeple seem to get all worked up about multiplicity but really, trauma multiples have almost all the same issues as traumatised singlets, but because they are multiple people (ie psychiatrists etc) go silly *rolls eyes*

Incidentally we had a similar incident with our father. Had a LOT of trouble understanding that the memories weren't just terrible nightmares till we had a nice break of about 4 yrs from him, then got thrust into his company unwillingly again ugh ugh. Then we saw the behaviour and it was like *click* "You really are the barstard of my nightmares, aren't you? You really did do those things to me."
8 yrs of constant high-quality therapy and we are starting to feel a whole lot better about this Living Gig :-)

Trauma (Stef)

[freddie2431.livejournal.com]

I think you really nailed it, with traumatized multis having the same issues as traumatized singlets.
Those issues are called PTSD - formerly known as shellshock.

It's great you got a good therapist, and I wish there were more of those. I'd like to see the day come when therapy is actually therapeutic; multis and singlets alike have the choice to take it, leave it, or take or leave part or all of it; and it's absolutely all done with informed consent. No 'therapeutic thechniques' that are not understood and agreed to ahead of time; no jargon that says one thing and means another.

In other words, we're all treated like people, and if we need to process trauma then we can get help in doing that, without somebody trying to reach inside our brain and change who we are.

(Please pardon soap box rant there, but that really is a dream of mine. Maybe one day.)

Re: Trauma (Stef)

[tigerweave.livejournal.com]

lol, I don't mind the soapbox rant! I totally agree :-) And well said.

Re: Trauma (Stef)

[the-hockey-team.livejournal.com]

You're standing on my soap box. (Actually our's say Weed and Gabriel.) I agree with you so much. I personally have an amazing therapist but that is not enough to trust her with being multiple. The over all mental health culture has not changed enough on that and as the primary fronter we do not want to compromise my care because that hurts everybody. It is also true that finding a good therapist who is good fit is hard wether you are singlet or multi.

We would put Nicky in therapy if we could and hurts all of us that we can't.