Out in the garden there's half of a heaven

[ex-khailitha846.livejournal.com]

Greetings and Salutations:

I have been reading, posting and making comments here for about two weeks now and just wanted to officially introduce myself and my system and say thank you to everyone here.

I am Jessica of the Khailitha system. At present, there are about 30 people (hard to get an exact head count) and another 100 or so fragments in here.

The process of going from being fucking nuts 15 years ago to being a (pretty much) functional system now was a task which, at one point, I had no hope of ever achieving. I remember asking one of my many therapists to find me a functional multiple (that's not what I called it at the time, but it was what I was looking for) so that I could have hope. He said he didn't know of any. And he "specialized" in the treatment of DID. Our eight-year old (Becky) called and fired him shortly after.

We have coped with raising 4 children of the body who We had no memories of giving birth to (they were born to a created personality - a mormon housewife who took charge of the system by force and stayed in charge for 8 years by trying to kill the rest of us and who left, unceremoniously, when the system became self-aware) figuring out how to deal with the babies and the hiders and the cutters and the sex girls and the dark ones (and the dark sex girls who want to cut someone), trying to frame a belief system that included all the inter-dimensional traveling and otherworld entities that were key to healing, and creating some sort of a philosophy that encompassed everyone's reality and right to exist while at the same time ensuring a basic level of integrity when interacting with the outside world. We saw thirteen therapists in 9 years and finally gave up on the clinical view of either the definition or the treatment. Very good call, that.

Whew. And in all this time, I have never met another functional multiple system.

Recently two of my outside kids moved away and started posting on lj as a way to keep in touch. I started communicating with them here, and then started poking around, and then found this community. And it was like.... long sigh.... cool. We are not alone in the universe.

I can't even begin to express the appreciation I have for all of you. I am amazed at the diversity and clarity and caring that shines through so many of the dialogues here. I feel like I'm back on a learning curve of healing and growth - and like for the first time I have a place where I can share and get advice from others who have a similar frame of reference. There's new information to be processed and validation... so much of... yeah... I can so relate.

So, anyway, HI... thank you for being, and hugs.

Jessica etal

Comments

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Well, if he specialized in DID, no wonder he couldn't tell you about any functional multiples, they don't believe there are any. You should have heard Dave Halpern have a fit when I told him about the online communities and websites that healthy multiples had. "You mean there are COMMUNITIES of these people?!"

Yeah. Not the least of which was he was talking to one of "these people," which I had been very honest with him about. I don't know if he just ignored me or thought I was kidding or what because we don't have a lot of the things multiples are supposed to have. I sometimes wonder what would happen if the shrinks broadened their perspective on things a little and stopped thinking that multiples (or anybody else) were all stamped out of a cookie cutter. Trying to rigidly define reality, especially a reality this subjective, is like trying to bisect a sneeze.

That said, welcome.

Re:

[ex-nanonyan.livejournal.com]

*points to her second-to-last journal entry*

Thanks for this rant, needed it to feel sane again. :D

And YEAH. Haven't met anyone open in the old IRL, *especially* not therapists.

Re:

[ex-khailitha846.livejournal.com]

Thanks for helping me feel welcome from the start. You guys are ever so awesome.

"Trying to rigidly define reality, especially a reality this subjective, is like trying to bisect a sneeze."

Yeah... what you said ;)

As long as the psych community insists on trying to legitimize itself through "objective data" (which can't really exist... how do you achieve objectivity about a system of which you are a part?) I think that this attitude will prevail. The whole concept that reality is a solid thing that can be categorized and explained is being challenged in areas like sub-atomic physics... but nobody's really paying attention to those quantum physics dudes. (Smirk.)

I have gotten some good mileage out of Eric Fromm, Carl Jung, and Carl Rogers though...

Mirth!

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

"You mean there are COMMUNITIES of these people!"

Er, someone should tell the fuckwad that "those people" are by definion members of a community. That's what a functional plural entity is. A community. So places like this are a community of communities. A meme. Heh.

Welcome, you guys. And bravo.

Re:

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Hah! Didn't even think of it, I was so busy trying to get the information I wanted from him (about the Susan Houdelet case) for our web page. NEXT time...!

http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/review.html#susan

[ex-nanonyan.livejournal.com]

Curious, what's functional? Have you seen any functional systems here? Your post nearly begs the question.

Nice to meet you. :) I need to introduce myself at some point too, actually. Uhm, I'm Ellany of the as-of-yet-unnamed. :B *waves*

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[oihanen.livejournal.com]

::waves back::

the definition always varies, but we count ourselves functional. we pay bills, buy groceries, ace algebra exams, and put on pants before leaving the house. we have successful friendly and familial relationshiops, we have bad ones, too. we count ourselves functional is we can do that same stuff everyone else can. (it just takes a little more cooperation on our part)

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[arhuaine.livejournal.com]

We consider ourselves functional. We have a job which we enjoy, and is comparatively well-paid. We own a house, pay a mortgage. We have been with our partner 18 years and we have a 15-year old daughter who is bright, happy and healthy. We have a busy social life, lots of hobbies (which is almost to be expected when there's a dozen of us all wanting to do their own thing). We've never been inpatient except for physical medical problems, never been in therapy for DID (never even been officially diagnosed) and nobody who knows us (even those friends who know we're Multiple) think we're actually crazy. I think that all adds up to being functional.

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[jinxtigr.livejournal.com]

*g*
My first reaction was 'That's sort of ostentatiously functional, I wouldn't go so far as that' ;) this is because although I am not multiple, I am autistic (mate of a multiple system here) and I've had to start recovering around that stuff without being able to claim any of it.
Of course, _now_ ten years later I budget an income from disability, make a couple thousand dollars a year from self-employment, pay all my bills, am forging a relationship that's real, AND we are buying a house (using various social programs that are actually more work than being a normal mortgage customer).
Yeah, functional is a fun goal. It encompasses a lot of things that make life better.
If my CD mastering pursuits really start to click (which could happen), I might be saying 'I have a job which I enjoy and is comparatively well-paid' too :)

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[ex-khailitha846.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I would have to say that from the content of alot of the dialogues here, what I'm seeing are functional systems. Not only that, but alot of different ways to be a functional system. I'm totally psyched. Wonder why We didn't go looking for something like this years ago?

©I guess because We thought it didn't exist.©
Lotsa hands waving backatchu...

Re:

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Functional: enjoyable and adequately-paid work, nice house in a beautiful town, nice car, no debts, lots of friends, interesting hobbies and social activities, fairly good relationship with family members... healthy, happy, usually-cooperative 14-year-old daughter doing well in school; friendly and workable co-parenting arrangement with her father...

... not depressed, not self-destructive, not on drugs (recreational or prescription), not in "therapy", never even considered telling any mental-health practicioner about being multiple...

... the three of us (my two 'brothers' and me) care deeply for one another, get along very well most of the time, have no time-loss or memory-access problems, and have no wish to ever be parted. I'd say we are pretty functional.

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[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Our "functional" has to do with activities of daily living: we're okay with cooking, washing, housecleaning, staying healthy, and being places on time; we live by ourselves (we own two houses at present due to an inheritance); we pay our bills (and make arrangements with the utility companies when we can't.. very important); we're self-employed web designers (who could use a few more clients) and we have plans for the future.

In terms of multiplicity, we have an operating system that allows anyone who comes to the front to be aware of and have the skills to take care of these important things. If we lost our home-base communications system, we'd devise one in the earth world, like with a big chalkboard placed where nobody could possibly miss it.

The one thing we have difficulty with is physical exercise -- we have to take it easy when we do things like housecleaning or dishwashing, just a bit at a time -- but this is to do with physical ailments and they just have to be worked around.

[tir-nan-og.livejournal.com]

I'd like the chance to expand the definition of a functional system, if I may. You see, I am not gainfully imployed, and claiming Disability. All my life I've had autistic thinking and behaviors, compounded by my family of origin, who found it only too convenient to have such a passive child-object about. For years I clung tightly to entry level jobs, wondering if I had a mind at all as I was blasted by overstimulation. I felt dead, as if I were encased in a cocoon, and began to have severe asthma and chest pains, which I still am struggling with. I made the decision to try to end unworkable behaviors, starting with clinging to the idea of myself as a working mother, so I could stay alive for my young child.
A functional system may be one that is honest with itself about how it's collective life is going.
A functional system is one that can take care of itself and nurture it's members, or is trying to do so.
A functional system is one that cooperates and shares time, or is working towards doing so, unless the system prefers to be otherwise.
A functional system may be one that is deliberate in it's relationships with friends and family, wether they have decided to be out as a multiple or that it is not safe to do so.
A functional system may also contribute to society, even in rather unorthadox ways, such as supporting other multiples on livejournal!

Those of you who are gainfully employed...were there any particular skills you had to get under your belt in order to work as a multiple system?

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[ex-khailitha846.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... the definition of functional? I like your list. I'm going to thing about this a little.

As for the "gainfully employed" thing. Our system has a really hard time being anywhere where We have to wear a consistent face for a long period of time. Being a mother... creating the safeguards and automatic clutches to enable us to do a reasonable job of parenting seems to have exhausted our supply of consistency. So we've had part-time jobs and gone to school alot (luckily, we make good grades and can blow along on scholarships and grants, food stamps and rental assistance.) School's good coz you don't have to do the same thing every day, or even for more than two or three hours at a time. We started Our own business 2 years ago and are now working at home and paying all the bills. Kinda cool... but it takes alot of cooperation.

The upside is that time is no longer so regimented. We can work at night, or in the morning, or take naps and baths in the middle of the day, or dance around, or play or cry or stare at the wall as long as we meet the deadlines somewhere in the mix.

Like now. I should go... gotta deadline to chase.

Happy to see you all here this morning. Funny how insecure We felt after We posted last night. Like the second day of Kindergarten... okay, we've introduced ourselves. What if no one wants to be Our friend?

So, feeling kinda touched and mushy... Gonna go work a bit.... stay groovy!

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[scubabrynn.livejournal.com]

I remember a time when I was hardly functional. now I am nearly completely. its been phonomenal to actually get to this point... but sometimes it does take a wonderful significant other to help you through. other times... just a good friend and a strong mind...

good luck!

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[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

I like your definition of "functionality" - good one!

It took quite a few years to get it through to Crist-Erui that the necessity of going to work (on time and presentable) took priority over his desire to roam about in the woods, throw stones in the water, etc. - I think he still doesn't understand why it should, but he accepts it with fairly good grace. There have sometimes been others who have been with us temporarily, and that has caused problems at times, but over the years Duathir has taken a solid position of power and doesn't allow 'guests' to disrupt our life, so it's been a long time since we had such problems.

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[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

That is a great list. Thank you.

In order to be gainfully employed as a multiple system, we had to realise that we could only work unsupervised. We have Asperger autism and the overstimulation problem you describe is familiar to us. This plus lack of sleep leads to too much switching, and in our case the problem isn't inability to do the work or bitsy kids demanding lollipops or anybody getting triggered, it's losing the ability to present as one, single, female, English-speaking person. We've quit about five jobs due to embarrassing ourselves, even if no one in the office said anything. The most successful jobs we've ever had have been thanks to computers and the internet.

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[tir-nan-og.livejournal.com]

It is great to know of yet another person besides Elenbarathi who is both multiple and Asperger's. We too found that lack of sleep was the straw that broke the camel's back. It fits in with being multiple and aspie and in the workforce, and is a necessity, a warning sign, and the coup de grace all at once. For us it was like this: Go to work. Become so engrossed in sensory stimulation, lets say tripping out on the florescent lights, that you dont feel like you have any sense of self at all. Except in this case, it is not a self but 18 or so selves that you are stuffing back because you are in sensory-and-social-cluenessness wonderland. So after you put the wee bairn to bed, itself no easy task because HE is aspie, you stay up all night to accomodate the considerable needs of your selves. They write, they do whatever they please. Eventually, at work, comes the switching-the instant changes from being a distant automaton to a babbling teenager, the accents, the questions about what day and hour it is or what you were doing for the last hour...people begin to look at you funny. Now your selves, insecure about what the future holds, get wonky and insist on staying up all night even more! And so it spirals down..and down...
That's what it was like for us. Damn. Wish I were a computer wizard so I could be gainfully self employed. Perhaps there are other ways.

Wwe were not always functional either.

[sexylittleone.livejournal.com]

We are now I think. Why doesn't matter just know it is possible.

There were many times in Our lives things went wrong *We can identify with having dark ones & such...*. We had many wars, many hates, clan problems, monsters roamed our inner landscape. *shrugs* That is all past. Now we are alive & well & I'd say fairly together.

life goes on. if you wish to speak, Our lj is open for a comment or you can leave one here if you wish.

El