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Feb. 1st, 2004 03:36 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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multiplicity_archivesI had some odd dreams this weekend that maybe you guys can help me with. Well, not necessarily the dreams (which you can find in my journal here) but some questions they raised.
Is it possible that my alters can have memories, things that affect them, not from my life? Some sort of abuse that I never recieved? Let me explain.
Background: Sarah is a little. She's maybe about 5 or 6 years old. Maybe older but not by much. Usually, she sits in a corner crying. I used to think that perhaps she holds onto some kind of pain. Maybe from when the kids at school were really mean. Or from when I got really badly hurt and had to get stitches without anything to numb me first. Stuff like that. Lately Sarah hasn't cried so much. She even came out briefly at a party I was at for my friend's son. She hit the pinata. She's been crying less ever since. I don't even wake up from them anymore.
Something told me last night that the dream I had wasn't really mine. That it was partially a dream and partially Sarah's memories. And perhaps the dream from the night before was too. Sarah never communicates. She doesn't talk to me or anyone else except maybe Joey (another little who just sits huddled under this table looking thing and occasionally will shout, "No" for no particular reason). Sometimes she'll cuddle with Cara (She's a tough adolecent who tends to only come out if she feels We're somehow threatened).
The dream was like a memory. One that was very painful and caused me to just cry. Nothing in the dream was from my own memories though (ie. nothing from my past). And both dreams I thought of Sarah. That they were her memories. Or perhaps a way for her to communicate something to me. Nonetheless they've left me very confused.
Is it possible that my alters can have memories, things that affect them, not from my life? Some sort of abuse that I never recieved? Let me explain.
Background: Sarah is a little. She's maybe about 5 or 6 years old. Maybe older but not by much. Usually, she sits in a corner crying. I used to think that perhaps she holds onto some kind of pain. Maybe from when the kids at school were really mean. Or from when I got really badly hurt and had to get stitches without anything to numb me first. Stuff like that. Lately Sarah hasn't cried so much. She even came out briefly at a party I was at for my friend's son. She hit the pinata. She's been crying less ever since. I don't even wake up from them anymore.
Something told me last night that the dream I had wasn't really mine. That it was partially a dream and partially Sarah's memories. And perhaps the dream from the night before was too. Sarah never communicates. She doesn't talk to me or anyone else except maybe Joey (another little who just sits huddled under this table looking thing and occasionally will shout, "No" for no particular reason). Sometimes she'll cuddle with Cara (She's a tough adolecent who tends to only come out if she feels We're somehow threatened).
The dream was like a memory. One that was very painful and caused me to just cry. Nothing in the dream was from my own memories though (ie. nothing from my past). And both dreams I thought of Sarah. That they were her memories. Or perhaps a way for her to communicate something to me. Nonetheless they've left me very confused.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-01 04:15 pm (UTC)If she's non-verbal and you want to open up communication, try methods like playing with toys, and especially try drawing (as opposed to colouring in). She may find communicating via pictures much easier than words.
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Date: 2004-02-01 05:02 pm (UTC)One of my alters, Mielk, isn't always here. She has her own life somewhere else and sort of comes and "visits" sometimes. I really don't know how to explain it. So, it's quite possible (in my mind) that Sarah came from somewhere else too.
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Date: 2004-02-03 09:12 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-03 01:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-01 04:54 pm (UTC)I will say yes she can have her own memories. I know I do and its b/c I was out in the body and everyone else was blocked, or just not made aware. I hold these memories as My own & no one else can be aware of them unless I wish it.
My sister, Adriana, has similar memories that no one is aware of.
El
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Date: 2004-02-01 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-01 06:39 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-02 05:40 pm (UTC)Ever consider anything outside the diagnostic model is total garbage?
And if that sounds harsh its b/c your own question seems to be harsh as well..so I'm just offering the other side of the coin.
El
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Date: 2004-02-02 07:34 pm (UTC)Why would you limit yourself like that? Do you really think psychologists are gods?
Even if you don't agree with the person's explanation for their experiences, how can you just dismiss every single experience that isn't included in the DID textbooks as being utter garbage? After all, according to the diagnostic model, you're not even a real person; you're not supposed to really exist.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-03 02:56 am (UTC)Never mind that they all have different ideas about what 'causes' multiplicity, and despite the big push to 'integrate' most multiples in the public spotlight don't *stay* integrated.
Oh, and never mind that most of the public thinks we're all mass-murdering freaks who all babble like babies half the time and spend the other half trying to slash our wrists.
Yes, it *was* intended to be an aggressive post. What can I say? I get shitty when someone keeps inferring that my opinions, existence, points of view and openmindedness are all loads of horseshit just because their *therapist* told them so. Well, whoop-dee-doo. Grow a brain and get your own opinions.
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Date: 2004-02-03 06:46 am (UTC)Everyone sees it differently. And for some, there are things that are easier to believe or comprehend than others. Neither of you are wrong. Both of you are right. You both have full rights to your opinions.
~Mel
no subject
Date: 2004-02-01 05:04 pm (UTC)We knew a group that was convinced they'd been through certain experiences in the earth world. The memories were quite real. Turned out it had all taken place (and been misinterpreted) in their own world.
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Date: 2004-02-01 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-03 09:10 am (UTC)Can you ask them?
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Date: 2004-02-03 10:04 am (UTC)One day while meditating I tried to talk to them. To work out some things. I remember visualizing our landscape and I saw all these different rooms. Each room belonged to a different person. I managed to see inside a few of them. One was a playroom. Another was a beach. Another a forest. Some were small and some looked like a whole other world.
I never ventured into the rooms though. I've tried to go back down that hallway to explore but for some reason I've had trouble. I've tried asking everyone but sometimes I just can't hear what they're saying (ie. quiet days). Part of it is that I just need to relax. lol
I know that some of them hang around the "lobby" and some go off into their own rooms (one of my alters, Uoko, tried to write about hers in our journal). I think part of our problem is that sometimes we will affect the way eachother thinks. I don't know if that's what co-conciousness is or not but I do know that if I front really hard and Uoko is out (for example) she has trouble remembering what happens when she's not out. But, if I don't front (by the way...I use the term "front" to mean being really aware of what's going on) as strongly then she can sometimes remember more. Or at least that's what I gathered from her post.
As much as I've realized and learned though way more of it is confusing. I know that some of this confusion is caused by my being afraid and not fully being able to understand and something I personally need to work on. I know that some of it is because many of my alters are afraid too. And I know that some of it is just a matter of learning....gaining knowledge. Some days it all seems so clear, and some days I can't make heads or tails of anything.
For instance, when I wrote what I did in my last response....I had totally forgotten about what Uoko said about when she's out. But, at the moment, I can remember about it and when I meditated just fine.
*sigh* Confusion sucks. And I'm sorry if what I just wrote sounds like I'm rambling...
no subject
Date: 2004-02-01 06:21 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-01 11:33 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-01 11:37 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-02 05:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-02 07:02 am (UTC)It would be really arrogant for one person in our system to think they knew everything.
We also have our own dreams and like a dream I might have tht would have components of my own life in it - people I have known, for example - they might have some truth to them but not actually have happened.
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Date: 2004-02-02 10:51 am (UTC)I wasn't trying to sound arogant or anything. We just have a lot to learn (not only myself but I'm sure my alters do as well). So, there's a lot of confusion that I personally am still trying to work through.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-02 11:33 am (UTC)His twin may have memories as vivid, but it is hard to tell, because he's functionally non-verbal. He's not a child, nor is his intelligence impaired, nor (as far as we know) is he particularly traumatised by events in either this life or the time-before - he is very shy, but affectionate and generally cheerful. When he draws, it's all wilderness landscapes, and what he makes out of Sculpy or modeling wax is all little animals (cats, frogs and deer mostly), so it's hard to tell if there's a "meaning" in them - he's a pretty non-symbolic kind of guy, so I would guess not.
My own memories of the time-before are sketchy and fragmented - more like "memories of memories", and I know that some of them are "fictionalized", or have elements of fictional tales incorporated into them. They also don't match up with my 'brother's memories except sometimes in terms of terrain, and it's hard to tell whether it's the same terrain, or just similar.
My thought about all this is that, whatever the time-before may have been, it's moot now, doesn't matter - there's no way to establish anything factually, and if there were, what good would it do? The past the past; the past is gone - we live here now.
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Date: 2004-02-03 06:38 am (UTC)Very true. With me, the past is more of a curiosity and to see what I may have missed. Other than that, it's not entirely significant. Not unless there's something from the past affecting the present.
*hugs* Thanks