Question about friends and fronting.

[derestissilence.livejournal.com]

So first off, we decided on a name for our system- Silent House. So now that that's out of the way, I get to ask my question.

Have any of you ever had someone demand that a certain personality front around them? I was just hanging out front here with Luxord (Erik's gettin' kinda pissy, too, which means he'll probably front later), and D's friend demanded that She front. I was gonna take a message, if it was important, but no, this friend had to have D. So I dragged her out of the back where she was takin' a break, since she fronts the most, poor kid. She's the original personality and the body's age, and she just doesn't want to deal with things right now.

What do you do when someone pulls something like this? We can be accomodating, but damnit I really wanna punch someone's lights out now.

-- Xigbar, Silent House

PS. The Elves are demanding icons now. Wonderful.

Comments

[linacrow.livejournal.com]

That rarely happens with us, but when it does we usually ask the one whos being asked for if they want to front. If they don't, then too bad, I'm not gonna drag someone up if they don't want up. =P Or if they're sleeping...unless its important...yes.
-Lina

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

We definitely have had people -- even ones who are understanding about us all being people -- ask for a certain person to front around them, and it's extremely annoying. More like infuriating. Some of it has been just like what you described.

There was one person (singlet) whose love and friendship we valued (and still do) so much that we put up with their demanding a certain person, even though we had explained that sort of thing was very hard if not impossible to control. There were times that whoever was out would pretend to be that person, and our friend couldn't tell the difference. We were ashamed of that though and came clean with our friend.

We shouldn't have had to do that. We refuse ever to do that again. If anyone asks and we can't 'deliver', well, that's too bad, and if they make themselves too obnoxious over it, we're out of there.

[krystale.livejournal.com]

No one but those within you should decide who's out.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Oh ewww. Oh I hate that shit!!!!! We've got an ex-friend like that. And she'd demand to talk to the first person she met and say that what she told said person was none of our business. Which is annoying and rude and disgusting in its self. It got to the point that if we announced ourselves as ourselves she'd run...*we know her offline* but our main communication was online and she'd sign out rather abruptly if we weren't person she wanted totalk to. YOU DO NOT NEED TO TAKE THAT SHIT! It only causes frustration and pain. If at all possible D. should say "Either you talk to all of us or leave and don't come around me." That is the kind of thing that gets one person trapped at front. Trust me I know because I'm there now. We're still reeling from that "friend" But before you dump her on her ass at least see if she's willing to work with you, which I'm doubting by her insistence on having D. NOW! So I will wish you the best of luck.
Alissa

[asylum-house.livejournal.com]

We do have people sometimes who demand that someone specific fronts around them -- most often, not wanting to interact with anyone but our 'host' -- and, pretty much, those people, we tell where they can shove it or just don't bother dealing with them cuz honestly, what the shit? If nobody is causing problems -- and, as a system, we are very careful to keep the potential troublemakers inside if they are seeming like they might be making trouble! -- then it's nobody's damn business who is fronting, and if they want to pull that "I'm only going to deal with the real you" crap well then, we don't want to deal with them either.

That said, with people who are our friends and not jackasses who have a "you must present as X person or I don't want to talk to you" litmus test, we don't mind at all if they have something specific they wanted to discuss with one of us specifically, and they ask the fronter 'hey, are you busy and if not is X willing to come talk to me a minute?' cuz that's different than being all "I won't talk to anyone but this person!"

~Niko

It depends

[worldnamer.livejournal.com]

I think "it depends" is my second most favourite phrase, right after "it's complicated."

I have had one friend who had never interacted with anyone else request that she continue to interact with me alone. To the extent I am able, I honor this request, since she's friends with me and not necessarily with the others in-house.

However, I have had other times when someone who was arguing with one of us has asked for me specifically, and we generally think that's not okay. So, for us at least, motive for the request is a huge factor.

Also, very few people know about me being multiple, so it doesn't come up that often.

[inmonopolus.livejournal.com]

Yes, since you asked. It's usually a sign the person doesn't care about inconvenience caused to you, in our experience. We've known two people who both turned out to be rather undesirable insisting a certain bond stay out practically indefinitely. As a result, he fled the group altogether about eight months ago.

Even if it doesn't result in the requested person running away from the very fabric of his or her reality, I consider it rude.

As much as I'd like to encourage you to punch someone, Sam's giving me one of his famous disapproving looks, so I would suggest you tell this person in no uncertain terms that the phenomenon of multiple souls to a body works like an apartment, and if someone is sleeping or busy, the outsider has to wait.

Be firm, but calm. If the person can't tolerate you at your most reasonable and rational, they're not worth your time.

~Griffin

[komotomo.livejournal.com]

I think the only times it happens with us are when people want to talk to me (Ixia) cause Takk and Karma are kinda quiet. *I* don't mind that much, since I'm usually "back-seat driving" anyway. I think Karma gets miffed because he feels slighted that his company isn't good enough or something. ;D

[katullus.livejournal.com]

Once I had to take over for our usual fronter, Kat, during a major mental breakdown (some say it was "senioritis" but there was much more going on at that point than anyone ever cared to find out), which was something I'd never had to do before. I'd done minor things on request and usually people could never tell the difference, but after I'd been fronting for a couple of days, people were starting to ask questions. Well, this was how Kat's best friend found out about me, and it wasn't ideal. But there was no other way to go about it. She was starting to ask who I was and what I'd done with her best friend.

I sent her a nice long rational e-mail detailing what was up and explaining that Kat might not be back for a while. The response? A screaming e-mail demanding that I "let her" back out or she'd kill me. Not only that, she took the confidential e-mail I sent her to the school principle and had him call me in. Not to say that didn't lead, in the long run, to some positive outcomes, but it was all still rather drastic and overreactive. To this day, she won't speak to me, only the person she thought was the only one in here. Somehow, she'd got it in her head that I'd taken the front by force and it quite simply never occurred to her that perhaps Kat DIDN'T WANT to come back at the moment.

The public thought that any alter immediately equals "bad" permeates all levels of society. It's just something that is somehow ingrained in us from the beginning. Maybe some day we'll experience the same level of tolerance that other minorities are slowly earning.

[shade-durza.livejournal.com]

It doesn't happen a lot because there are only a few that know of me being a multiple, but when it does happen it's tough luck for them. Whoever is fronting they have to deal with.
It's just like with singlets really; when a person isn't home or busy you have to deal with the other who is home or just leave and come back later.

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

Yes, people have demanded to speak to one or a few of us before. It is frustrating and tiring for the ones whom the other parties asked for, and it is insulting to those whom the other parties have not asked for. We have very little patience for people's doing this; therefore, we are usually polite, yet firm, about our stance on such behaviour. You have to speak to whoever is fronting; this is not the 'Fen Group restaurant' - you cannot 'order' us as you like.

Richard
Fen Group

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Would you like fries with me? ;p

[inmonopolus.livejournal.com]

I have no idea if it's how sleep deprived I am or how entirely clever that was, but I just laughed for almost three minutes straight thinking of trying to order you. XD Thank you for that.

~Malone