Writing -- as a conduit...

[thecuteone33.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if I'd describe myself as a full functioning multiple system -- but partially.  I really had an acute awareness that I wasn't a singlet -- so I started writing at a very early age (I learned how to read when I was 16 months old).  this became the only way to externalize internal conversations, most of my alters behaved in this manner but not all of them.  I'm not 100% clear what are internal conversations between alters. does this mean that your alters never come out as a front?  Basically it's more internalized? (argue with my alters if a certain shirt looks okay on me in my head - example).  I'd love to hear feedback about this.

I know when things start unraveling (last time was back in 1992) instead of processing things -- I write a really dark story and generally there's a lot of symbolism, analogies that parrallels what's going on in my life.  But it's also an attempt to control processing memories, feelings that I'm feeling for the first time. Does anyone have thoughts on this???  Also some of my alters have different artistic interests -- one loved to draw (I have three paintings from that period of time).

I know that there have been previous entries on writing -- I'd love to hear feedback about this.. :)

Thanks --Carrie--

Comments

[lb-lee.livejournal.com]

We all front; internal conversations are simply a nice way to talk without looking like we're on a cell phone in public. We argue, nag, give suggestions, plan next class or free day, whatever. It's pretty much how you'd talk to anyone, only internal.

Of course 'talk' in our case is a little bit vague. We all communicate information in different forms, sometimes not verbal.

Wondered if Writing was just another method

[thecuteone33.livejournal.com]

I think part of me just knew that I couldn't switch off from one alter to another -- and that's why I chose writing as a method.

Problem is -- I never finish my stories -- character development's fairly rich -- but it gets complex really fast.

I've been attempting to write a monster of a book I've titled "ALEX" he's pretty much a compilation of everyone amplified 100xs or their most extreme/darkest points. Never been able to finish the novel -- started it in 1992. It's really my best work to date -- just heavy handed and it's not light reading.

I also go through big purges -- when I'm processing a lot of stuff and get really overwhelmed -- kinda the only thing I could do -- but that also controls the processing and sometimes I don't wanna do that - I just wanna feel and remember however hard it is.

There's only two alters I've had (one rarely rarely ever does this) talk/communicate externally currently. Some of my earliest ones did often -- but I was about 13 yr -- it was imprinted in an alter's head that if we continued -- then we'd get locked up or something -- so it's been internalized since...

AH ha..I guess I'm not the only one!

[thecuteone33.livejournal.com]

I had the feeling that I wasn't alone in this.

Writing's a great conduit...but I suspect other forms of art can be as well -- just writing tends to be the most direct..

FYI -- thanks for all of the feedback I've received.. :) it's nice to see others nod their heads and sorta understand my add-ramblings of stuff that sorta makes sense and doesn't. I'm also thinking that shame was a big reason why I never wanted communication to be overt.

One alter in particular really had a need to be overt -- he was integrated 10 yrs ago. Earlier ones were more overt -- later ones as I grew older -- weren't

[bowlcutavenger.livejournal.com]

I don't write, persay, but I do write/illustrate two comics. Felix does angst poetry.
and Manfred is Manfred.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

yeah I like hear most of everyone as like thoughts or whatever. I mean compared to hearing someone else with a separate body speaking with their voice and all. I don't really think about it though because it's just how it is. like some in the group are outside of the body. like Stephen is a spirit and I guess that's different than the others. I'm not like plural myself but a few others in our group are. Like Amirah is plural and Kalli is. I'm just part of the group too. you know? ♥
LeAnne

[spiral-seeds.livejournal.com]

There are two in our system who very rarely front and only communicate internally. For a short period of time our converations would be spoken out loud. One of these mainly internal members and I used to write our conversations out on paper at times. Others are able to both front and communicate internally. However, no one ever fronts alone. I'm always at front, so it's mostly passive influence and co-fronting that we experience.

Some of us write and some of us draw and we have our own styles. We also have different interests as far as writing and art go (which causes some conflict at times.)

[thecuteone33.livejournal.com]

I don't think any of my alters in particular was into writing..it was the only safe outlet that was available.

I kinda had it in my head (others too) that it was wrong to Communicate externally and maybe internally to a certain extent (fear of being schizophrenic or found out by parents, etc...)

When things got frustrating -- I'd start writing stories -- all fictional... but after putting it away and re-reading it again -- the symbolism pops out and seems obvious (not at the time when I wrote it)...

Thanks for the the wonderful feedback I've been getting.. :)

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

Why, welcome to this community. We're pleased to have all of you here.

I think that group members can speak within their own space without coming out. Sometimes when the other members of this group are not fronting, they talk to me internally, either in words or images.

Richard
Fen Group

Thanks for the big welcome!

[thecuteone33.livejournal.com]

Fen..thanks for the big welcome!!..

I feel like I do get a lot of great support and feedback from this community in LiveJournal...unlike other online communities with this topic.

Writing always went hand in hand with my multiplicity -- I plan to attempt to write about in my own LJ -- a bit about the roots or where it started and really explain it without rationalizing it. Unfortunately when it's fiction -- I'm rationalizing/controlling things rather processing everything.

This is where I'm at now...

Everyone's been so great here!...