and another thing

[zamisista.livejournal.com]

On a completely unrelated note, another thing we would like advice about:
we have a really good friend who is a singleton. She has really stood by us during some hard times we had in the past few years and we value her friendship. We told her we were multiple a year ago and she was very lukewarm. Said she knew some people "diagnosed" with that but they didn't find it helpful (what does that mean!). Anyway we tried again recently because the little ones like to be out around the house, and we stay with her for a month each summer. We asked how she would feel if they came out around her and spoke to her. She said she wasn't sure and she was pretty uncomfortable.

We could let it go, but it cramps our style for me to have to front all the time when we are with her. Especially since the little ones like to be out when we are having down time, like with her.

any thoughts on next steps?

thanks y'all
J

Comments

[frantic-writer.livejournal.com]

perhaps if she is going to just meet them once before she decides, it might be more comfortable for her. then she will probably realize how much she likes them.

[themournfulduck.livejournal.com]

If she's really uncomfortable with it, it might really weird her out. Singletons aren't used to encountering different people in the bodies of people whose personality they've already grown accustomed to. It's never happened to me. I don't know how weird it would be.

frantic_writer has a good idea though. Except maybe I would do it over the internet or phone first.

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that even with the best intentions in place, this person would still probably feel rather odd if they've deveioped a set of expectations attached to the idea of 'you', whether they are true or not. I would recommend introducing the children slowly, either through Internet, phone or brief in-person interactions. This sort of thing takes time for people to accept, unfortunately - most things that require a radical change in the way someone perceives you have that effect. We have had this experience ourselves, primarily with multiplicity and transgenderism.

Richard
Fen Group

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

I would take phen0type's advice, and frantic_writer's; allow her time to become used to the fact that whoever is occupying the body is not necessarily going to be the person she thinks of as "you". People who have been exposed only to media nonsense or to the excesses of the medical/ classic/ Sybil model, must learn to trust that you and your people are not like that.

How much time? It's different for everyone, but I would judge six months perhaps. You know your friend; you might be able to tell sooner than that whether or not she will be truly accepting. If she remains that uncomfortable with who you really are, and that unwilling to learn that you are not like the people with the diagnosis she has spoken of, perhaps it might be time to find different friends. I know that might sound harsh, but one simply cannot remain in the damn closet all the time; as you pointed out, it cramps your style.