letting go

[zamisista.livejournal.com]

Hi Friends,
I am writing to see if anyone can share similar experiences. About six months ago, three of us merged and we became the front most of the time. [Some background: I was the "original" person who had been sort of in a safe space inside while my protector and the prof (worker) took over for many years. Then we went into recovery two years ago and I was brought out of the wombstate to front.] When we merged, we all became one, which I now call I.

The thing is, that recently I have been feeling exhausted with trying to handle everything and hold it all together. We have a group called the little ones who have been healing and growing older this past couple of years since we have been in recovery. [They normally post to this group]. Now I am thinking of letting go of the front more often and letting them take over and make decisions about how we use time. They agree to let me work when I need to, so that is not an issue. But I worry about whether I am being irresponsible letting them make more decisions. They feel like they want more self determination, but also they are nervous about me not being in charge so much. They are used to being protected inside when they want to be. However, they can drive, they have good eating habits, they like to keep the house clean and do the laundry. So I don't feel I need to do all that. Mostly I am worried that stuff won't get done since they like to hang out, rest and play a lot. (and eat icecream!!!) - that was them adding in.

And I feel anxious about letting go. But i also feel a spiritual pull to let go and trust those in the system to respect and look after it. For so long, we (I) have been protector, caretaker and provider, and I am just worn out of being in charge most of the time.

I am feeling exhausted, beat down and tired of trying so hard. But also hopeful that a new way of being might be emerging out of the ashes of the old way.

I would welcome any shares of experience with this.

thank you

J

Comments

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

::Nodnod:: We'd let go if we were you. There was somebody here who'd been front for many years *not a host cuz we don't have one* but she'd been here for years on end with out ever leaving to go home. She got so exhausted. So she let go and comes back now and again, just not often. It was one of the best things we ever did. We'll wish you luck though on whatever you decide to do.

[valentinemanor.livejournal.com]

We have a suggestion. Try laying some ground rules for the system at large. We have a lead person who is the default front (the original entity of the system) who lays down the ground rules(although they are talked about and agreed on by the core(main fronters)) If there are rules there is less to worry about. Good Luck!

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

If you are able to have someone who is sound enough to take care of the group's affairs, I would do so, and give yourself a rest if needed. A previously active fronter had to do something similar here - some events that he had to deal with out here had worn him down, so he decided to disengage from the front for the most part, and allowed others to manage things instead.

Best wishes,
Richard
Fen Group

[theyareme.livejournal.com]

If they want to help, let them. That's how I met my current alters (hope nobody has a problem with that word): I was suffering from post-partum depression plus a bunch of other stressful things going on in my life and it was just too much to handle. I needed some help. So they started speaking up and offering to help me, and it has really been a blessing.

I can't afford a maid, a nanny, and a secretary, but I have Bertha, Sara, and Miss Emily instead. They each have abilities I lack and are happy to help when me, the body owner, just can't handle a particular situation.

I don't think of it as being weak or hiding, I think of it as sparing me and the people around me the meltdown that would occur if I didn't get some help. And those meltdowns? Are not pretty. Not healthy. And I always try to do something nice for the ones who help me out, like letting Bertha front at the hair salon or taking Miss Emily to a party.

So take a break, go somewhere that relaxes you, and let the little ones help.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Age does not matter; what matters is their ability to cooperatively handle system responsibility in House and in the earth world, and you have said that they do so.

thanks

[zamisista.livejournal.com]

just wanted to say thanks so much for your advice. I followed it and it worked! We are operating a shared responsibility system now, with the little ones taking care of the house, food shopping, driving etc and me dealing with work and relating in the outside world. They even come out to deal with my partner when I'm not communicating well or feeling pissed off. I feel great, really supported. And they are better at that stuff than me anyway. I really appreciate your presence and support on this list.
J, J System

Re: thanks

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome!