Yes, I know people like those you're speaking of. How one handles them depends on how attached one is to them, really. If you& feel a strong need to stay in touch with them/ maintain a relationship with them, you use one set of behaviors. If not there's another.
Assuming you want to ditch and avoid: You're already moving, that's a plus. Change your Net ID -totally-; Username, e-mail, anything that could be Googled to track you down. Don't keep the same phone number, change your cell number if you have one. The idea here: Drop off the earth to that person. The hard part is avoiding the temptation to re-contact them later or 'check up on how they're doing'.
If you want to stay in contact with them it's harder. Especially if you really care about them and you know or strongly suspect that pretty much everything out of their mouth is BS. It can be really tiring to try to sort out what's 'real' and true from what the person makes up.
Our solution might seem goofy, but it's one that works for us. We don't question. If you tell us (insert horrible story here) and tell us that's what really happened to you, we nod and accept it. Even if the Protectors say the BS meter is *pegged* we nod and accept it.
See, in some cases it's true that a person is making crap up just to grandstand and get attention. In some cases the person is so screwed up they /believe/ what they're saying and telling them "You're full of crap." is going to do tremendous harm and maybe make it so they'll never listen to anyone asking "Ah, are you positive about this?" again.
So we have what might be called "A Subjective Reality Filter". Things we pass through that filter may have never happened in the Earth-world. But maybe to the person speaking they're as real as we are. So we treat them as if they were indeed real, but in a 'one step removed' kind of way. We just don't let *our* emotions get dragged out and involved and entangled. We become the Patient Listener. We listen and watch and say quiet things like "We hear you."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 02:39 pm (UTC)Yes, I know people like those you're speaking of. How one handles them depends on how attached one is to them, really. If you& feel a strong need to stay in touch with them/ maintain a relationship with them, you use one set of behaviors. If not there's another.
Assuming you want to ditch and avoid: You're already moving, that's a plus. Change your Net ID -totally-; Username, e-mail, anything that could be Googled to track you down. Don't keep the same phone number, change your cell number if you have one. The idea here: Drop off the earth to that person. The hard part is avoiding the temptation to re-contact them later or 'check up on how they're doing'.
If you want to stay in contact with them it's harder. Especially if you really care about them and you know or strongly suspect that pretty much everything out of their mouth is BS. It can be really tiring to try to sort out what's 'real' and true from what the person makes up.
Our solution might seem goofy, but it's one that works for us. We don't question. If you tell us (insert horrible story here) and tell us that's what really happened to you, we nod and accept it. Even if the Protectors say the BS meter is *pegged* we nod and accept it.
See, in some cases it's true that a person is making crap up just to grandstand and get attention. In some cases the person is so screwed up they /believe/ what they're saying and telling them "You're full of crap." is going to do tremendous harm and maybe make it so they'll never listen to anyone asking "Ah, are you positive about this?" again.
So we have what might be called "A Subjective Reality Filter". Things we pass through that filter may have never happened in the Earth-world. But maybe to the person speaking they're as real as we are. So we treat them as if they were indeed real, but in a 'one step removed' kind of way. We just don't let *our* emotions get dragged out and involved and entangled. We become the Patient Listener. We listen and watch and say quiet things like "We hear you."
First, do no harm. Old oath. :)