Hey there

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to let the members here know that I came to this community a while back, trying to understand what happened to me a long time ago. I have so many questions that I need answered for my own peace of mind and so that I can understand myself better. Last night I made two posts that were meant to start my journey to understanding what I went through, sharing experiences, and building a rapport with others who might be able to help me get some clarity about some of the smaller aspects of multiplicity (I use this term to describe any experience of having more than one personality in a body).

I felt that my well-intentioned questions were directed to the best community and that they were not going to be offensive. I see where some of the things I said in my original posts could have been taken that way and I did my best to address every issue someone took with what I said while simultaneously being innundated with replies in my inbox. It was my experience that the way my questions were received were for the most part negative. I cannot go on to trust that this community could be the best one for me in getting my pressing questions answered until I know the members here are willing to work with me in a non-abusive way.

I understand that some people have positive experiences with multiplicity. They might find it fun or cool or unique or whatever. This is not my experience with it. I repect other's experiences, but I'd just like to extend to the community that in order for my questions to be answered, I'd really like it if the members here might rethink how they treat people who they identify as new and dumb.

I started a new community that members here might be interested in joining: didsupport. Until there are more members there, is it okay if I continue to ask my questions here? I just need to know if I've been pegged as someone who has come to the community to stir up trouble or if I'm going to be treated nicely from now on.

Comments

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Kassi,
We will help all we can. As for us personally we did not peg you as new and dumb. Nor did we peg you as trying to stir up trouble. Not in the least.
Rayvin

[cirape.livejournal.com]

I think its very good that you've started that community. As much as this comm says its for all types of multiplicity, with the majority of vocal members being healthy and/or pro mutiplicity for whatever reason people with bad experiences rarely get the help they need.
(...That's gonna get me flamed, isn't it?)

Mm, anyway, I know we started off on the wrong foot, so I figured I'd ask. Do you mind if I watch it? While I don't have DID myself, I am interested in the phenomena. And I promise not to comment if you'd prefer it that way~

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

absolutely. I don't mind if you comment or not. I'm very forgiving and am one of those people who can be frustrated one minute and wondering over something shiney the next. So there's no hard feelings. Comment all you like or lurk all you like or do whatever. : )

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a great idea. I wish you well. :)

Kasia

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Would it be alright if we added your community to our more_than_one profile page so others can find your community?

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

yes, please do. I'd really appreciate that. : )

BULLSHIT!

[etana.livejournal.com]

Take your toys and go home, eh? Seriously, let me introduce you to the internet.
Then let me introduce you the community Info page.
Then let me introduce you to the fact that I could care less if you felt supported and loved and cuddled. If you have questions and are delicate of spirit, go call a nice doctor and ask them. If you don't like the way someone talks to you - DON'T LISTEN. Don't direct someone else's opinions or speak simply because you don't like it.

You = Bestest LJ Post Ever.

Re: BULLSHIT!

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

That really wasn't necessary.

[freakshownia.livejournal.com]

I agree that it's a good idea - because most people don't share the same opinion as you here, you may be right that this isn't the best community for you to find the answers you're looking for. I think it's harsh of you to call your reception here "abusive", and I am genuinely sorry that you feel that way - this really is a great community. You just need to understand that many of us have had bad experiences with people accusing us of being "sick" when we don't see ourselves that way - that is why some of us may have reacted negatively.

We wish you luck =)

[ex-suhina987.livejournal.com]

I realize you were inundated with comments, but I would like to point out that there were a fair number of people who took the time to respond to your post about "fictional" system members calmly and politely, sharing their own experiences and theories, that you never responded to. While you are not obliged to do so, of course, it leaves something of a bad taste in my mouth. We have already made an effort, but you question if you are going to "be treated nicely from now on." You were, by many members of the community. Saying that your responses were for "the most part negative" without a simple thank you to those who did take the time to answer your somewhat confusing questions won't encourage us to do so again.

Please, don't lump us all together. If you want to make a better impression, consider what some of us did for our first.

~ Obi-Wan

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I never said any thing bad to her. Kalli

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

dude what the crap. o.O
LeAnne

[threedog.livejournal.com]

until I know the members here are willing to work with me in a non-abusive way.

That's some nasty wording, there.

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

Yeah - I thought about that as I wrote it. I wanted to be as articulate as possible. I felt abused. The way I was treated reminded me a lot of the way I have been treated in abusive situations. Of course I understand it's the Internets oh noes and people may or may not be civil by my standards which is cool, but the way I was feeling last night - overwhelmed, attacked, a bit manipulated - these are all feelings, not neccesssarily what was actually going on - reminded me of the situations that really were abusive in my life. While harsh, it was how I felt. That's why I chose those words. : (

[sightless-light.livejournal.com]

Remember: the written word is easily misinterpreted. We cannot hear how you are using your words, and therefore, may get a very bad impression of you based on your word choices. Its unavoidable, really, and an unfortunate consequence of using the written medium to explain and relate past experiences with present ones. I, for one, do not think that you come across as rude or anything of the nature, but you must always be cautious. I am not trying to incite anger here, I am simply trying to clarify.

-Jaenelle, of the SightlessLight System

[shiro-hayabusa.livejournal.com]

Careful, there. Your flounce is showing.

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

what does flounce mean?

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I answered your question right here. See?
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/713366.html?thread=11659926#t11659926
You didn't say any thing to my answer.

Kasia answered your question right here.
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/713366.html?thread=11645590#t11645590
You didn't say any thing to her either.

Is it because our answers were nice? And you only wanted to comment to mean answers? Or is it because it wasn't an answer you wanted to hear? Kalli

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

It was hard for me to respond to the positive comments because I was being inundated with negative ones that I felt were more pressing as I'm more sensitive to them. I apologize for not commenting to yours immediately. I really don't wish to revisit the thread. I don't want to flip out again.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

post #50 WOOT! ♥

[cirape.livejournal.com]

...please stop doing that.

[freakshownia.livejournal.com]

Has anyone else read the info for this new community?

"This is a community for support and discussion on and about DID/MPD. I have found that the communities on lj that currently exist seem to me to be just for fun, rather than for healing and mature discussion and support for those going through DID/MPD and consider it a hinderance or a disorder to them."

I don't know about you guys, but I don't really like being told this community is nothing but people who are silly, immature, and insensitive. Sure, we do have fun here sometimes, but to say we don't encourage mature discussion is...rather rude.

[our-dry-cellar.livejournal.com]

Because if you aren't talking about how miserable and messed up you are and trying to get over your horrible affliction, it's not mature conversation.

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

fragmentedminds already existed for people who experience DID and such things, but good luck anyway. You may want to post there as well, up to you.

This community is large, and full of (very different) people. It does not censor, assuming that people aren't outright spouting abuse at you, which most people certainly were not (snark is not abuse, no matter how much it may annoy you). If you're looking for a 'safe space', or a support group, then no this is not the right place. It's a discussion forum.

If you wish to post, do so. Just remember that it is not a 'safe space', as it were. You will be treated, I am sure, as your individual entries and comments deserve.

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

Selene, thank you for reminding brightflashes about fragmentedminds; I think that it is a bit more appropriate for her.

I appreciate the comments that you have been making in these threads - I generally agree with you. This is most certainly not a 'safe space', and it is certainly all right to post dissenting opinions and to be direct with one's disagreement. However, I would differ from you regardign your opinion on snark, largely because in a textual medium, what is meant to be sarcastic or critical may actually appear to be abusive.

Richard
Fen Group

[melange-fiesta.livejournal.com]

The problem is that a lot of members here get in a huge huff if you even remotely suggest that they might have DID instead of being non-disordered multiples. Which is kind of sad, really. Patience is a much better virtue than temper, and logical explanations will cure a lot more ignorance than people getting irritable or angry.

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

A lesson which could just as easily be learned by the OP.

Personally I think a lot of people were being taken as 'irritable' when they were actually just being factual.

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

I understand that you may feel threatened by others' comments here, but it stands to reason that if you make statements that could be perceived as invalidating their own situation as healthy plural groups, or condescending towards them, there is clearly going to be dissent, and people are going to defend themselves against a perceived attack. Moreover, I think that they may have felt that way because you, as a relatively new member of this community, had come in sounding that way, and more established members may have felt as though you were being rather presumptuous to tell them how their groups are, or how they should operate. I am not saying that you are presumptuous yourself. Nevertheless, that appears to be the general interpretation amongst those who have tried to tell you about your approach to discussing multiplicity.

By the way, no-one is condemning you for having been integrated, or formerly being a trauma-based system. The problem is that people interpret your statements as saying that everyone is in a trauma-split, disordered system and would benefit from becoming a 'single person', rather than living as a co-operating, non-disordered group.


Richard
Fen Group

[coldironkiss.livejournal.com]

Kassi,

My system considered your wording to be abusive, of the community standards if nothing else. This community is for those who consider all multiplicity a disorder, those who consider their own multiplicity a disorder while reserving judgment on others' multiplicity, and those who do not consider their own multiplicity a disorder. We are all supposed to be civil to one another, and your words implied - still imply - that you force your judgment of multiplicity as a disorder on all of us.

"Fun or cool or unique or whatever?" To us it's functional, and we would appreciate it if others gave us the courtesy of assuming we base our major life decisions on something more than wanting to be among the cool kids. There are even links on the community info page explaining functional multiplicity, and it's common netiquette to lurk in a community long enough to get a feel for a community before posting.

If you want to keep participating here, take responsibility for the impact of your words, and put as much work into understanding and listening to others as you expect us to put into understanding and listening to you.

You don't get a free pass to hurt others because you've been hurt. The same goes for those who respond to you. We avoided responding to your earlier posts because some of our system members indeed found them upsetting. If others spoke as if they considered your kind to be nothing but hurtful, and wished for them to be eliminated, wouldn't your first reaction be less than compassionate?

-Steve

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!!!!!!

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

We avoided replying to your posts last night, because.. 1) we found the wording incredibly offensive. 2) if we wanted to deal with someone who thinks they're better than everyone else we could talk to a bunch of evangelists or well the husband's mother in law. That being said.. your continued rudeness to people when they answered you honestly, and quite politely, was and continues to be entirely uncalled for. Secondly posting not once, but 4 times within less than 24 hour period.. two questions.. this.. whine, and the apology that comes after it.. (only to the people you decide treated you correctly, which I'm fairly sure will not include us.)

If you want your questions answered.. then feel free to ask here, but don't demand that people only fit into your designations, and completely agree with you about what is and is not "disordered" , or any other classification that can be assigned. And just a small note; for our household and many others here; we are PEOPLE, not parts, shards, alters, or most of the other terms.

And lastly, your friend(s) aren't the only educated people that share one body. We've got two bachelor's degrees.. Including one in psychology. So if you want to discuss things, you're welcome here. If you want to preach, and demand we bow down before your greater *cough* trauma, and knowledge. take your toys and go home. *tosses you a towel to sop up the tears*
-Gen

[hold-me-coldly.livejournal.com]

Wow. Where to even start? Damn.

I have DID/MPD. Most multiple systems here do not. And I suppose the difference between you and I is that I accept that, accept those systems, and respect those systems. I am able to see the beauty in those systems and not feel bitter that my system was created through over two decades of repeated, horrific trauma and some of these beautiful systems just so happen to be multiple. I don't throw out harsh comments when I don't understand something; I ask questions with an air of respect. And I don't make a long, bitchy post about how people were abusive toward me, when they were not. See, lsat night I thought they were unkind to you. Now, looking back over it all, I understand their frustration. You're completely unwilling to step outside of yourself and accept people who might be different. I feel very sorry for you because DAMN that must be lonely. So good luck to ya. And more luck to your child because I know what it is to have a mother who is lonely and feeds off her child and it's a living hell. *shakes head*

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

I have refrained from commenting to any posts in the past few hours because I don't see myself getting anywhere with them, but your comment really struck me and I just would like to ask you a question, no more. How has my behavior/posts or whatever you call it in ANY way shown you my ability to be a positive mother to my child?

If you want to talk about my conduct and words here towards members of this community, feel free, but I think you're crossing a huge line in bringing my treatment of my family members into this.

I didn't mean for this post to be "bitchy". I meant for it to be clarifying and apologetic. I (and my husband who has been following this) are actually both amazed at how it has been received.

Heads' Up

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Um...Guys. No wonder she thinks that we view our multiplicity as "fun or cool or unique or whatever" The only public post in didsupport is the article about telling "Pseudos" from "real Multiples" gharveyn posted in here a few months ago. ::Sigh::
Rayvin

Re: Heads' Up

[crystalseraph.livejournal.com]

Omg xD

That's priceless.

[ex-casteylan314.livejournal.com]

As Kasia rightly said, there were a lot of people who answered your questions considerately and in detail, but you chose to ignore them. My answer is here. (http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/712975.html?thread=11677967#t11677967) but it seems that you did not reply to any of these comments (I wonder if you even read them?) I was forcing myself to be polite even though I found the phrasing of your questions to be offensive, and had you spent any time reading past posts you would have learned that they would be received in that way.

If you are only willing to accept that the DID/trauma model of multiplicty is appropriate for your own situation than I would respectfully suggest that this is not the best community for you.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

comment #100! sorry mr shark I couldn't resist! XD ^^;
LeAnne

[hessgasm.livejournal.com]

Right, I tend not to participate in this community as much as my groupmate phen0type, but this was serious enough to have me come and say something. It wasn't as though anyone was thinking that you were new and dumb, but people were getting offended because you tried to apply a model to them that didn't fit. That personally pissed ME off, and I'm sure that many other people here feel the same way. I'm not trying to say that the did model isn't true for anybody, but it isn't true for me, and it isn't true for a lot of other people.

- Hess
Fen Group

[hessgasm.livejournal.com]

DID, I meant! Whoops!

[lgrau.livejournal.com]

... right. FYI, some of us have been abused - by the other side, even. It isn't exclusive to you and your narrow definition of experiences, so I wouldn't fling terms like that around, personally. This is a discussion forum, not a happy-hugs forum, and most people acknowledge that. Those who don't are in for a content shock. This place is open to everyone, but we're not going to defend you if you say something offensive. Most everyone here has probably said something that other people went "wtf, lawl" at, either directly or to each other. And, y'know, it isn't a ground-shattering thing. Pick your chin up and move on.

By the way, having a nice tone doesn't mean that some people won't see through to what you're actually saying. And it seems like what you're actually saying is "I'm right, you're wrong, so I'm gonna moon you and run away to where people understaaand me!"

I - as myself, and honestly probably not supported by some of my kith-and-kin because we're naaasty and we're really supersekrit axe murderers over the internet - do wish you luck in finding a place to build your trust up in. But I will say not to expect too much support from a discussion forum. Again: discussion. Not happy hugs. It can not be hugs time now.

-various, comfortably medioplural polyentity mindhau-- and I think N's driven home the point of "there are more labels than DID", now, aight.