Being Alive

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

Being alive means we can be us. Being alive means we can enjoy the world around us. For example: We can be one person with friends and family, and do things like shop, watch movies, and drink coffee after going to lunch. The personality they see is Suz. In other words, me. When Suz is alone, we come out. And every time we do, it's risky, because although we have a psychology background in education, family and friends don't so they would rather discuss the above, the fun things. That's okay. We can't please all the time, but it's okay.

We don't mind seeing the switch from we, us, and them, to I and me. We are still here, and we aren't going anywhere. Being in a cooperative state is better than breaking this family apart. The external world can stay as is. Chaos will erupt there. We are in that world, but not of it.

Today we are enjoying breakfast and coffee. Today we hope to read more of I Never Promised You A Rose Garden. This book is so breathtaking. It's fiction, but we know the reality of the disorder the young woman in the book has. Schizophrenia is similar to our disorder, but different, since ours is internal. It's still a personality disorder though, and our educated selves love books and movies that discuss psychology. The goal in college was to become a therapist for those who have a myriad of disabilities, and work without judgment. I know what it's like to have bad therapy. I thought I could help in some small way, and not be as bad as those who worked with us.

I thought I could change the course of my own treatment by saying I want this too. Let me help. I want to be a part of this.

I started therapy at age 12, and psychiatric care in 2002. Some good, some not so good. It's a part of life. A gamble. And for me, the good ones got away...it was hard to say goodbye.

Today, we hope for more of the good. It's almost a desperation. I share my birthday with Tina Turner, and my favorite song of hers is "It's Only Love." A line reads: You keep looking back in desperation...over, and over, and over again...her duet here with Bryan Adams is just too awesome for words. I got tickets to see Tina in 2000 for my birthday. It was incredible. We all loved it. And she's old enough to be a relative of mine. Yay!

Being alive means we can do things that other people do, like go to concerts. We are all about life. It's because we experienced death of a friend at a young age: 13. We swore up and down that no matter how bad things got, we would not end up like our friend.

Life is what we make of it. Not how others mold us. I hope this inspires you to be the best you can be. To thine own self, be true. :-)

Comments

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

This was very inspirational! And you are a damn good writer at that! (Or should I say "you all"? =D)

"I thought I could help in some small way, and not be as bad as those who worked with us." --

Exactly how we all feel. We've always believed in the saying: It takes one to know one.

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

It does indeed take one to know one. We're also fond of the saying "to each is own", and we heard that from an external person. Amazing.

[tatteredscars.livejournal.com]

for some reason, those first two paragraphs put my mind at ease about some things. i won't go into specifics, but thank you.

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that I was able to help you out in some small way. You're welcome. :-)