Frustrations

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

Here are the things that frustrate me about being multiple:

Disbelief from those around me that don't make the choice to educate themselves on what I am going through...even in general terms.

Disbelief that my attackers from the past and present past did anything wrong at all. In short, I am to blame for their actions, and they are innocent.

Fear that one of my key alters will surface again...she's done it once already, in my journal here, and I think it may have scared some of my friends to a degree. Not understanding multiplicity would scare anyone. I just hope others can see who she is, as well as who I am.

Fear that my alters will be so enraged from being "locked away" all the time that they will come forward at inappropriate times. I try to "let them out" in a different journal, just to keep the pressure down. They actually keep me balanced, which is why I am all for cooperative states rather than for merging down to one sole personality. That's just how we all feel, and we think it's safer too.

I hate hiding them...they are a part of me like all else, and it's like I'm hiding some bad secret, which is untrue. They have always been here. People are just so unwilling to educate themselves, that it is necessary to keep them "locked away" for safety reasons.

That's all for now. If anyone can relate to any of this, fabulous. If not, perhaps we can all learn something. :-) Just because you are not in school doesn't mean the learning stops. (smile).

Comments

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the encouragement. Rather than merge down to one, I am all for cooperation. So are my posse members. Groups learn to compromise. It's key in being able to get along, internally, as well as externally.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

It strikes me that what you can control in all this is how you relate to the other people in your system, and also develop some bottom lines - like how far you are willing to go to appear "normal" (bearing in mind that most people are not looking for multiples and switching may not be apparent to them.)

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

Control is something I strive for in self...but those around me externally think they can operate in such a way that leaves me following orders. It's just complicated and frustrating.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

that sounds like a difficult situation.. *warm hug* the sad thing I've learned about this world is there can be many people who are not very understanding.. I'm sorry you and your group have to hide.. something I do want to mention.. locking away the others in your group can make things more difficult down the road.. people want to be heard and appreciated.. do you think the people around you who disbelieve you could change their minds with time?

Amirah

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

I think people around me can change their minds, if they really desire to. It has to be something they want. We can't force anything.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

A safe way to let everyone be who they are is doing the "pretending to be a single mind" routine. Sure it can feel deceitful and fake, yet this way at least some other will have a chance at fronting, even if they can't always be exactly who they are. I try to see this body as a costume and as if I'm an actor in a play. When I'm using the body I am the body's history and the body's name, my own name and history is put in the background until I'm back at home and no longer in the body. If everyone can see using the body as costume, it can make things easier. *g*

Kasia

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I want to clarify that I don't approve of being "deceitful" in a negative way. Some situations do require for a group not to draw attention to themselves for their own safety. Of course, I would definitely suggest being yourselves whenever you can. It's not always ideal, but it is healthier. Our group doesn't make any extra efforts to show that we are Plural, but we also do curb quite a bit of ourselves and put on the "single-mind routine". We've been doing that for so long that it's become habit now. *sigh* I'm not sure if what I mean is coming out in my words though.

Kasia

[soulspiritdebv.livejournal.com]

I don't seem to have the same problems as most of the people here as I have an Otherkin rather than having 'others' or such like that. However, I do relate to 'hiding' my 'kin and my spirit guardians. When I'm friends with someone and I feel I can trust them, I tend to tell them about Deb, Fyr, and Stef. Except I've already been hurt by that, because someone who told me they believed then turned around and said they never did.

They (my boys) don't hurt me. They're not 'imaginary', but I feel like when I tell people about them, those people expect that I should be committed.

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

Lack of knowledge is why I was committed in 2004. I had no choice. The therapist was just odd in the way she handled it all. My MD never saw my face or heard my side of the story, so boom, off we went, on a four day trip to Hell. People don't know how to act around us. One minute, they are okay with us, and the next, not so much. And they wonder why it's so hard to trust. Duh. They keep changing their minds, and that's just as bad as switching.

[coma-white-01.livejournal.com]

I feel the exact same way in everything. I hate having to hide my guys. It's horrible. And the friends whom happen to know about my guys...well, they say they understand, but when Noah bitches them out because they say something he disagrees with and such...well, they yell at ME instead. They don't understand that me and Noah are two different people. We just happen to be sharing the same body. And since I have Lance Bass as a part of me....people automatically assume right then that I'm just playing make-believe or something. So...yeah, being a multiple has it's share of bad days.

But you know....I wouldn't give my guys up for the world. If it came down to it, I'd pick them over my friends, if someone were to make me choose.

[susanacts.livejournal.com]

Ditto...my posse is the best. Friends just don't "get it" and don't want to make an effort to "get it" so I'm more than likely to choose my posse. Bear in mind I have friends that are ten and twenty years along in our friendships, but time doesn't matter...if they really want to know about me, the negativity would end now. They want to tell me "You're not this or that..." like it's their responsibility to diagnose what I am. I get this a lot from family too.

I can only take responsibility for me. They can all just leave if they choose this route. If disbelief, lack of education, etc. are really things they don't want to change, then I'll be the one who walks away.

Life is what we choose to make of it, and so far, I am making it all up to them, from their views. Fine, let me walk. The posse will emerge, and they'll see the truth for what it is someday.

I don't blame friends and family, but I do hope that they'll take me for who I am as is. If not, I'm in the wrong place. :-)

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

"Disbelief that my attackers from the past and present past did anything wrong at all. In short, I am to blame for their actions, and they are innocent."

You might be interested in this:
http://www.nospank.net/fyog.htm

"I hate hiding them...they are a part of me like all else, and it's like I'm hiding some bad secret, which is untrue. They have always been here. People are just so unwilling to educate themselves, that it is necessary to keep them "locked away" for safety reasons."

You're building up steam like a pressure cooker trying to hold everybody inside like that. I've been through that. It's important to find some way for them to be out and express themselves. Is there any place to get away to? Any way they can be discreet when they're up? *points to what maxim and shandra said*