Why can't therapists understand?

[aquilawolf.livejournal.com]

I had a phone conversation today with a potential therapist. I was wanting someone to support me and help me accept myself as multiple and to help me to not dominate the front (I am the most capable one when it comes to interacting with other people) and I wanted to learn to step back more and let others come out, to let the children up to play more. 

What was I thinking?

Surely there are therapists that would be able to do just that, but this person was instead (she explained how she worked) telling me that I would have to be the 'chairman' and control the others and work toward integration, to somehow get my needs met so they  wouldn't need to exist, and that each of them had a job and thats why they were there.

LOL. I declined her help, bless her, as she was willing to work with me and my not so great financial situation, but my kids were terrifed, by protector on the alert, and my brainy talking explainy self going overboard to try and tell her how my system worked. We were cooperative, I didn't want integration (and if it happens by itself or between and with some because they choose that is different), but I wanted to instead of control, learn how to drop back and not dominate the front!!

LOL again. It just seems so darn funny right now. And in explaining how when I do drop back and let someone else out, the stress (usually, or often, depends on the situation) dissolves and the whole system feels better, yet this seemed to make no difference. Making me better meant integration with me? why me, just cause I talked to her, with me as the chairman!! (Bless this woman, she meant well). Which would mean continual stress and eventualy collapse, but I guess this idea of hers is the traditional training. Maybe it even works for some systems, but by golly, so glad to have enough awareness of my system to not feel there was something wrong with me or that I should accept what she was saying, but still some of us found this phone conversation very disturbing.

Just wanted to post this here so I don't feel so alone and isolated out in the singleton world where therapists who mean well don't understand that a multiple/system might be cooperative and work better that way and want assistence with better internal relationships, better listening to the need of others to front and cofront more. (Rather than controling them and making them disappear... oh I think I said that.... we just can't get over this idea of control... and if anyone needs that it is me the one she wanted to do the controling, as I was the one, or part of the complex, that got a sortof lockdown four years ago as the others fought there way out.  Not feeling funny anymore. She wanted to do to my system the very thing that caused it to collapse. And because I can talk well and answered the phone she assumes that I am the one that should be the chairman, doesn't matter if I can't feel my heart unless one of the others is with me.

Does anyone know of a particular type of title, or style of therapy that someone experienced with multiples might use who would be helpful?

Comments

[psygrasshopper.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you ran into that. It doesn't seem like she was very knowledgable, which is sadly all too common. At least she was well-meaning. And in terms orf "traditional training"? In my experience as a psychiatry resident, there isn't any training at all. Not in multiplicity anyway. A great many of my teachers don't even believe it exists and they don't think it's important/common enough to teach us about it. If they even understood it themeselves, which they don't.

The only reason I more or less get it is that I had DDNOS myself and was fortunate enough to find a therapist who got it and I learned through working with her and read a bunch of stuff on my own.

My therapist uses EMDR predominantly, but that's no guarantee that any random EMDR practitioner would understand multiplicity. Many of them don't, as far as I know.

[aquilawolf.livejournal.com]

She really was well meaning and that does count for something.

And interesting thing about EMDR, a therapist I had for awhile several years back (now retired) suggested I could use my hands to tap alternately (to engage both brain hemispheres) a rather simplified version of EMDR, and one of my inner people even previous to this had told me that when I became really upset (at this time I was in a rather dangerous place with a war on inside) that I should go ride by bicycle. At the time I was barely functioning physically so rode rather slowly, but after awhile it occurred to me that the movement of my legs riding the bike might also be a rather simplifed version of EMDR helping to balance and engage both hemispheres. Besides that it triggered young ones inside that loved to ride the bike and in any case it really was helpful.

[psygrasshopper.livejournal.com]

You're absolutely right about the tapping and the bike riding. Even wallking is bilateral. :)