a bit of a desperate situation

[1000-voices.livejournal.com]

This is a bit lengthy, and we need help with a serious situation, one where we need to figure out how to keep someone from killing. I am not joking.

x-posted

Last night there was a long discussion between Josh and I, one of the men I love. A lot of things were brought to light and at the end, so much had been building inside, that I finally broke down in tears. This opened the doorway. The doorway which Armand rushed through.
Let me give you some background on Armand. He tolerated Josh at the beginning because he though that this man was one of my flings. He never thought he'd be around this long, much less that I would end up in love with him. When that became obvious, Armand (to make a very long story short), in a very devious fashion came out at one of the most inopportune times and threatened Josh. I knew that Armand hated him, Josh knew this too. And even though we were aware of this and I had become aware that if anyone in my system were to kill, it wasn't Blade like we all first suspected (who would have been capable perhaps in her younger days but her role has changed now).... the one to kill would be Armand.
I cannot express how very serious this is.
Currently, my arms are bruised severly, my legs as well. My throat still feels the remnants of force.
Last night, Armand came out.
Last night Armand tried to kill Josh.
Damion has wrestled with alters before, those trying to harm the body, or those just freaking out, sometimes striking out against him. But never has one tried to maliciously harm him, nor kill him. None have placed a hand on his throat. None did what Armand did last night.
I know how hard that was for Josh to do, fight with a woman that looks like his girlfriend but is instead the jealous raging alter of Armand. He feels awful for what he did to me, but he had too, some you know this, if he didn't, I'd be in jail right now.
He would have killed him.
I don't know what to do. We're terrified. So much more happened.
I just wondering, does anyone out there have any advice? Anything to help get Armand in control. Besides the obvious reasons of why killing would be a bad idea, we would be the first to be questioned and well, we have a record. Everything is on file.
I'm concerned about Josh's safety right now. We've taken the obvious precautions, as in the weapons we're usually armed with have been removed, although I don't really like taking away even just my knife because of personal safety. I don't want to take chances.
For a bit of background, talking to Armand doesn't work well at all. It was recently revealed that Armand is not just protective of me, but in love with me as well. He's jealous of Josh, no doubt, but promised Josh if ever he harmed me in anyway he would make him pay. I need to find ways to protect Josh. I really don't want to lose him.

Comments

Wanted To Comment

[gia1977.livejournal.com]

I wanted to comment here. I am unable to respond to the main post as I'm not sure how to help at all, but I did agree with a few things that Dreamingkat stated. The hospital is one option, meds are another, but I strongly agree on trying to control Armand's temper or possessiveness. I'm not sure what the issues is either.

I can only speak for myself. I had a bad situation Monday. My inner Victoria was "taken" and not nicely either, by Shannon's inner Grunt. (Name says it all, caveman style?) I've not told anyone that this happened, with the exception of a friend of mine who is integrated. (I only told her and this group.) My friend said that what happened was sounded like a power struggle going on inside. I am okay given I know that Shannon didn't do it purposely. He wasn't even aware of what he had done until I calmly/cautiously questioned him. Shannon's other inner crew did lock up Grunt, but we all fear Grunt may break the cage. Otherwise, we are all doing okay just trying to get past this inner struggle that shows on the outside. **HUGS** I feel for you 1000 Voices, as I can understand a small bit of the pain that goes on.

Re: Wanted To Comment

[1000-voices.livejournal.com]

It's all so surreal some days, isn't it? How we can sit and see the outside world, watch it all fall apart inside, and feel so very lost and helpless and at the same time.... all knowing.

*shakes head*

I'm not making any sense. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say anymore, what to do. Lock up isn't really an option for us right now, our sense of duty is too strong, right now, Laney is preparing us for work, she's strong although not as much as Armand but she's the one that kept me at the same job for six years now, putting on the smile and taking us to work, careful to keep everyone at bay, careful to never let anyone at work know, careful to make sure we do exactly what we need to do, get us home after the workday, where we can break down, collaspe on the kitchen floor, crying, holding onto the dog and praying for this all to end.

Re: Wanted To Comment

[pengke.livejournal.com]

What about your duty and responsibility to Josh? Shouldn't that be more important than work?

If you don't go into lock up or do everything in your power to stop Armand and Josh gets hurt because of it, then all of you will be guilty because you didn't prevent it.

Re: Wanted To Comment

[1000-voices.livejournal.com]

We are taking our responsibility for Josh and his safety. If I let us go into lock up now, there are more dangers presented to us. A promise has been made, by Josh, by Damion and by us, we don't go into the asulym anymore. There are long involved reasons for this that I will not go into.

I'm handling this, I'm getting us to work (in a reasonable timely fashion) so that we can pay this mortgage, our bills, our car payment. Josh is safe and protected because a) we've been stripped of all weapons and b) we are no where near him. Last night was spent in serious reflection and discussion with those close to us. This morning, more discussion and more thinking. A lot has been decided.

Currently Armand is calm, currently Armand has stepped down, and has become silent. I will not allow us near Josh until a) I'm positive there is no threat or b) there is more than one person to restrain us. Although, through my dealings with Armand, and with Josh, it does appear Josh can handle his own (looking at these bruises on the body) and that Armand will never fight/attack at Josh's disadvantage, he's a man that fights fair and would only kill if looking into the other's eyes.

But once again, at the moment there is no threat.

-Laney

Surreal It Is!

[gia1977.livejournal.com]

Surreal yes! By the way, Victoria here! Totally surreal! Wanting to tell people, but cannot because they just don't understand. Outside the community, I mean! I'm only out mainly school work and little things. You said it best, "Sit and see the outside world, watch it all fall apart inside, and feel so very lost and helpless and at the same time.... all knowing." I've said that so much over the years. No one ever understood that logic, but it's true!

Okay, you made sense, don't worry. Trust me when I say a lot of people do understand and share the sentiments, even if its on their own levels. Also, don't apologize for your feelings. They are yours. If people don't understand (which they do) they will ask so they can understand. We want to help somehow, even if it's just by listening. I can understand how lock up isn't an option for you. I don't like lock up. I went in overnight voluntary and I went AMA the next day. I wasn't solving anything inside, when I needed to tackle the outside stuff. (Abusive marriage) Since you feel a good strong sense of duty, then do your best to do what you need to do but stay safe. Treat yourself gently right now. Also, please drink a bit more water than usual, if you don't already. I'm not sure how your eating or sleeping is going, so be gentle with yourself. Since you mention Laney, maybe tell Laney thank you, if you haven't already. It is good to have someone in the crew that can help us out that way. I can understand how you describe Laney, as a lot of my inner crew is the same way. I do understand so well the breaking down and crying, plus holding onto the dog for comfort while praying. I've done that many times too.
**Hugs** Feel free to email me or post in my journal, if you wish to speak with me at anytime. (That goes for anyone who thinks I can help them, even if just by listening!)