The New World Order, as it has come to be called.

[katullus.livejournal.com]

Hi... this is me (Katscratch) rambling at 12:30 or so at night. We just had a big sitdown chinwag and my head is still spinning from it, adjusting to the ideas that came to the floor, pretty much totally unexpected stuff. Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong. And now Kacharkau is going to be angered at me for quoting a fluffy Disney song in my post. Screw it.

For starters, Felinus has been very agressive in her assaults lately, and she finally tore down the last of whatever it was I was clinging to, and I'll be the first to admit I was wrong and the way she showed me I was wrong was the only way I could see it, I suppose. (Yay for run-on sentences.) She had some sort of mission in life that wasn't clear to me up till now. First, she won Erik to her cause, which was a no-brainer because he's all about logic and tactics, but it should have been a big sign to me that it was okay to join her because of that- because he's all about calculation.  If there's something with a big risk involved, he won't do it, so supposedly it's a good call to follow him if you don't want to get hurt.  It still made me wary because he doesn't have a very big sense of morals, at least not with the ones that don't make any sense in anything but a strictly scientific manner. But they made a powerhouse combo that I knew I'd be unable to beat one way or the other from the start. I still had Katullus on my side, though, and I knew if anyone stood a chance, it was him.

Then they pulled Kacharkau in, probably because of his courageousness (read=impulsivity) and anger towards the establishment, in general a sense of anarchy- I think they decided he'd make a great mercenary. That scared the hell out of me, because now they have three of the major powers in the Legion K and I was in a team of only two, with two neutrals inbetwixt us.

What really freaked me out was when she managed to snag Kittie. Kittie is scared to death of Felinus and is pretty much her opposite- or at least, she was. Everyone in the group knew Kittie was dying. She's pretty much in a coma at this point, and what Felinus did... it still makes me nervous. She got a hold of her empty shell and now she uses her to keep up appearances with the figures of authority. Felinus will never be able to effect sweetness quite as well as Kittie, and now she has Kittie in some sort of a trance to do her bidding... Call her a prisoner of war. It's the one red flag that still signals that there's something wrong with Felinus' code of ethics.

Now, the last one who barely speaks up, Gray, has come to the front overwhelmingly in the past few days and been acting strangely, as usual. She finally spoke to me directly, for the first time. She said that Felinus is her mother.

What do you say to something like that?

Now it was naught but myself and Katullus on this side of the fence, and Katullus staunchly opposed her, saying she still can't be trusted. Felinus knocked that down by asking him if he was opposed to her for a specific reason or just opposed to her because he needed something to oppose... is he just into the multiplicity drama, inner wars and the like? It shut him up.

Finally, she knocked down my offense by saying that the only difference between myself and her is that she is deceptive by nature but admits it to herself and others, and I'm deceptive by nature and I only APPEAR to be trustworthy, which technically makes me more dangerous than her. What can I say- it's all true. She said we could all be deceptive as a team and join together, us versus the world, or tear one another down by being deceptive to each other and warring against one another in a constant battle to prove who's lie is the best. I have to admit, the team will run more smoothly under her control, but I'll have to make a stand should this get too far out of control.

Katullus thinks I'm making a big mistake, I'm being a fool and being weak by accepting her leadership. He says I'm only joining her because of my constant and unhealthy attraction to things that are dark and twisted, but that it's not my nature and that Felinus is twisting my mind like a pretzel. He says I'm letting myself be manipulated because I want to be and that if I truly had the backbone to stand up for what I believe is right, I could break her little rebellion in half.

But you know what I believe?

I believe that this group will never be happy, not even close to peaceful, until it is unified under one leader and and we can all work together. I believe that my resistance is causing everyone involved unneccesary grief, and I believe that if I give this new unit a chance, there might be a better outcome for the whole group.

Now Katullus is the only one still reluctant to take his place, so he will remain the neutral viewer and the one who keeps Felinus in line should she choose to take us in a bad direction. All in all, it's a fairly happy ending, or beginning, or however you choose to look at it. In the end, I'm tired. I'm tired of being in charge of this group and constantly screwing things up. Maybe this all did come about because I'm a coward, or because she played her cards right and struck at the right time to get me off guard, or any number of things, but the point is, I'm through. I could use some rest and see how this all goes.

Comments

[echoes-world.livejournal.com]

Well, sometimes new beginnings are for the best - but I think Katullus is right and definitely you should keep your guard up. Although Felinus may be able to have a good authority and decent leadership, the way she 'voted' herself in does not ring well in my head.

My brother recommendes using great caution, and if you can to put shields up between you and Felinus... if for the simple matter to avoid her having any more sway over you than she already has. He says to watch her careful and by all means listen to Katullus.

[katullus.livejournal.com]

Ironically, I'm not the one who can put up shields. Anything I think, the rest of us- particularly Felinus- can hear. But anything she thinks or plans, none of us can hear. I don't know how she does it. She's amassed a stunning amount of power and ability in navigating the on and off switches of everyone's mind- she even recently became capable of doing such things as hiding things from me in my sleep in order to get my attention and force me to bargain with her. I seem to think this shift in power is Fate.

After all, Fate is what you blame things on when they get out of your control and you can't figure out how to stop it, right?