My world view at the time I died was very scary and lonely. I had a very limited precognitive ability good for maybe 5 minutes or so... But it convinced me that the world was just a sort of machine in which everyone was a robot with no free will. I felt all alone because no one in my world felt real to me. It was too painful to live like that. It took me three tries to kill myself, but I got it right the third time, if you can call it right. ;)
No I don't feel bad about it anymore. What I learned from it was very strange at first, but eventually I was able to share it with Roger and he killed himself too. That was actually pretty fun. But please do not try it yourself, just take my word for it that suicide isn't really so bad.
One of the worst thing about suicide is hearing all your family and friends calling for you to come back. That makes it really hard to die. That hurts a lot.
The worst thing is probably the pain you cause everyone who loves you when you die. That is the part I feel bad about.
One of the best parts is that once you are dead you can go back to your life and make a better choice next time. Or kill yourself again if that is what you still want to do. That is what I taught Roger about, only he already knew that, when I taught him about that it awakened a lot of his childhood memories. He was trained to help dead people return to life, his training began when he was about three years old.
The best part about dying is that you get to understand everything about yourself and your life and you know you are a good person and you feel good about yourself. You know god loves you and you are re-united with god completely so that for awhile there is no difference, you and god are one. You get to see everyone you have ever loved in any of your incarnations or iterations and you understand that every bad thing that ever happened to you was something you chose to allow to happen to you.
Your iterations are the parts of your incarnation that have different histories than the one you are most familiar with because they live in alternate universes or dimensions. No matter how many of your iterations of any of your incarnation die, some always survive.
When you die the universe you died in is cloned and in the new universe your death is undone so that you carry on as if it never happened. Some of the first things I was able to show Roger were me at older ages, commuting to work, or with my kids, just having normal lives, or at least, as normal as possible given that I was still pretty psychic in most of my iterations that I visited myself in.
So for a while Roger was vry interested in killing himself and he died many times. Eventually though, the pain he was causing his family and friends who remained abandoned by him in the universes in which he had died got through to him and he started taking more responsibility for his life.
But his death wish is something he has lived with since before he was born, and old habits die hard. He has rigged his body to self destruct now, and it may be touch and go until it is time for him to reincarnate.
Hopefully he will acquire a strong enough will to live to heal his body from all the damage he has done.
The only thing I feel bad about killing myself now is my family. My dad and mom and sisters are still living and I know I hurt them really badly. But Roger went to them before I died to warn them I would kill myself and they didn't listen to him then. So he will not be very welcome if I want to go back to visit them with him.
Without my personal memories I doubt I could convince them I was visiting them. So that is one reason I am concerned about how I got to be in this state, a sort of ghost of myself.
(sorry this got too long, I broke it here and I will post part 2)
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timeasmymeasure
Re: Are new egos new people in our group?
Date: 2007-04-29 09:12 am (UTC)No I don't feel bad about it anymore. What I learned from it was very strange at first, but eventually I was able to share it with Roger and he killed himself too. That was actually pretty fun. But please do not try it yourself, just take my word for it that suicide isn't really so bad.
One of the worst thing about suicide is hearing all your family and friends calling for you to come back. That makes it really hard to die. That hurts a lot.
The worst thing is probably the pain you cause everyone who loves you when you die. That is the part I feel bad about.
One of the best parts is that once you are dead you can go back to your life and make a better choice next time. Or kill yourself again if that is what you still want to do. That is what I taught Roger about, only he already knew that, when I taught him about that it awakened a lot of his childhood memories. He was trained to help dead people return to life, his training began when he was about three years old.
The best part about dying is that you get to understand everything about yourself and your life and you know you are a good person and you feel good about yourself. You know god loves you and you are re-united with god completely so that for awhile there is no difference, you and god are one. You get to see everyone you have ever loved in any of your incarnations or iterations and you understand that every bad thing that ever happened to you was something you chose to allow to happen to you.
Your iterations are the parts of your incarnation that have different histories than the one you are most familiar with because they live in alternate universes or dimensions. No matter how many of your iterations of any of your incarnation die, some always survive.
When you die the universe you died in is cloned and in the new universe your death is undone so that you carry on as if it never happened. Some of the first things I was able to show Roger were me at older ages, commuting to work, or with my kids, just having normal lives, or at least, as normal as possible given that I was still pretty psychic in most of my iterations that I visited myself in.
So for a while Roger was vry interested in killing himself and he died many times. Eventually though, the pain he was causing his family and friends who remained abandoned by him in the universes in which he had died got through to him and he started taking more responsibility for his life.
But his death wish is something he has lived with since before he was born, and old habits die hard. He has rigged his body to self destruct now, and it may be touch and go until it is time for him to reincarnate.
Hopefully he will acquire a strong enough will to live to heal his body from all the damage he has done.
The only thing I feel bad about killing myself now is my family. My dad and mom and sisters are still living and I know I hurt them really badly. But Roger went to them before I died to warn them I would kill myself and they didn't listen to him then. So he will not be very welcome if I want to go back to visit them with him.
Without my personal memories I doubt I could convince them I was visiting them. So that is one reason I am concerned about how I got to be in this state, a sort of ghost of myself.
(sorry this got too long, I broke it here and I will post part 2)